


The Fractured Thief

by PoeticAnt44



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Archery, Attempt at Humor, Blindness, Character Death, Chases, Companions, Depression, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fanart, Fluff and Smut, Graphic Description, Insecurity, Loneliness, Love, Marriage, Mild Smut, Miscarriage, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pets, Pregnancy, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Revenge, Romance, Sexual Assault, Sexual Violence, Thieves Guild, Violence, Wolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:36:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 77,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21750835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoeticAnt44/pseuds/PoeticAnt44
Summary: Belene was an orphan who stole to survive until a tragic day that took her eyesight.  She was found and raised by a Nord couple and was happy for many years until a stranger came to town and destroyed her happy life.  She spent years hunting him down until she accidentally found someone who gave her another purpose.  Belene faces happiness and tragedy for years until she ends up at the Thieves' Guild for needed coin for her new life.  Afraid to commit, she struggles to find attachments and love in others.Fanart on Chapter 13
Relationships: Original Bosmer Character(s)/Original Nord Character(s), Original Female Bosmer Character/Brynjolf (Elder Scrolls)
Comments: 130
Kudos: 132





	1. The Chase

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-write from a story I wrote that I didn't like. It's almost completely different. This only partially follows the Thieves' Guild quest line. She's not the Dragonborn, though the Dragonborn is in the story for a bit. It's also going to take a while before she reaches the Thieves' Guild.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this. The first half of the story is mainly of my creation until she reaches the Thieves' Guild.
> 
> I would like honest opinions here if anyone is willing to give them. I am finding I'm enjoying writing quite a bit and as it's still new to me, I would love to read some constructive criticisms. Especially this story since the first half doesn't pertain to the game at all other than a few locations and characters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene has to run for her life and is saved by a Nord couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and any comments and feedback are much appreciated! Feedback and comments allow me to hone my writing and keep me eagerly doing so. <3

Her heart beat through her chest forcefully as she fled as fast as she could. The beats resonated like drums in her highly sensitive ears—a heartbeat similar to frightened rabbits. Her lungs tightened and agonized from the exertion and the frigid weather. The faster she ran, the worse her leg muscles hurt. Bare feet bled from running on the hard and broken branches and rocks through the woods. The only word ringing through her mind was _faster_ as the terror kept the adrenaline pumping. 

All she could think about was getting away, so she pushed the pain to the back of her mind with tears streaming down her face from fear, blurring her vision. It was not uncommon for the Nords to chase her away as they did most vagrants, but this was the first time she had to run for her life. 

She could hear them coming for her—they are close. If she got caught, they would no doubt kill her. She was nothing to these people—an insect that was to be crushed underfoot. She did not think what she did warranted death, but her pursuers didn't seem to agree, nor care. More primal instincts of her mind replaced thoughts as she pushed herself faster— _fight or flight_ , her instincts telling her 'flight.' 

She scanned the woods around her in fear, trying to find the quickest way to evade her pursuers. No matter which way she turned, the landscape never changed with the same with trees, rocks, and mountains. Even more so in the dark of night as colors blended one into the other. Masser and Secunda barely provided enough light through the dense forest for her to see despite her excellent eyesight. She didn't know which way to go, so she just kept running straight. 

_Straight is the fastest way_ , she remembered from some lost vague memory as it breached her mind. 

The trees were old and thick, and the snow had started to fall. It was frigid outside, and the girl's quick breaths clouding her face through the cold. Although very sensitive to the cold climate, she was sweating with fear and from the exertion of running. There were so many trees to dodge only to find more trees to run around, making her escape too slow. The woods were a labyrinth of trees, plants, and rock. 

_Faster!_

Her sensitive hearing could sense everything in these woods from the wild animals, trees swaying in the wind, to the dogs pursuing her—senses on the highest alert. Smelling through the wind, she could tell the dogs were getting closer—the scent of dog mixed with earth, juniper, and her fear. It wouldn't be long before they caught up to her if she didn't find a way to evade them soon. 

_If I can smell them, then they can smell me. Go!_

She soon heard the thunderous sound of rapid waters and ran towards it. 

_Finally, a way to escape!_

If she could just jump in the water, maybe she could finally evade her pursuers, and the water would mask her scent from the dogs. Running as fast as she could with bloodied and painful feet, she came to an abrupt halt, waving her arms in a backward circular motion to keep from falling over. She teetered on the edge as small stones and dirt fell into the steep ravine towards the rapids below, her heart beating even faster if that were possible, giving her stomach a sense of vertigo. 

The land quickly gave way to a cliff that ended to the rushing waters below. It was much too high for her to jump. She was sure there would be large boulders below in the rushing waters, and she could die in the fall. Her mind quickly churned, trying to come up with a plan before they reached her. 

She was a tree climber, but that would only turn her into a cornered Skeever with only one way out—dead, like a bear who escapes the hunt by climbing but only ends up trapping itself. She could imagine the guards easily shooting her down with arrows. 

_Think! Think!_

The barking was getting louder and closer. Her heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest as a full panic set in, which made her mind go blank from any intelligent thought. Not knowing what to do, she started crying and wringing her hands, looking in every direction for an escape. Then she heard it, the snapping of twigs and a low growl behind her. 

She swallowed hard and slowly turned around to find the large gray dog baring its teeth at her and growling, hunched low, ready to attack. She gasped in fear at the dog with its fur on end as it crouched closer to her. It sensed her anxiety as she cried harder. 

_Maybe I can fight the dog off._

But she knew that was impossible. She was just too small for the large dog—she was only a child, hardly larger than the dog itself. She decided to close her eyes, breathe, and attempt to calm the beast. Bosmer were known to have a keen ability to soothe beasts, but she never had the training and never practiced at her ability since her parents died when she was very young. The girl had been on her own for five years now. She was an orphaned child who survived this long on her own... _Until now_. 

Holding out her shaking and clammy hand, palm out, to try to calm the beast, she failed miserably as the dog lunged at her. She put up her arms instinctively to protect herself as the dog painfully bit her arm. She could hear herself screaming as the dog crashed into her, and they both fell into the ravine. 

Bouncing off of some boulders on the side of the cliff, she could feel her head smash on some rocks knocking out her vision and feel bones splinter and break as she finally landed hard into the frigid waters. The cold waters were a shock to her system, temporarily removing all other senses and pain. She could feel her body pushed downriver, tumbling over more rocks. The rampaging river moved swiftly, stealing anything in its path, including her broken body. 

She was too busy trying to keep from drowning to wonder why she was still alive. She could feel her whole body weakening quickly in the frigid waters as hypothermia was setting in. Usually, a good swimmer, it was hard for her to swim with broken bones as she tried to claw and grasp her way to the surface for much-needed air. 

When she breached the surface of the river, sputtering out water, she noticed she couldn't see anything other than strange colors and shapes. She splashed in the calmer waters and cried from panic since she couldn't see. The girl tried to get a bearing of where the land was, so she instinctively swam to the right and finally hit the ground, retching and coughing out water while she dragged her painful, shivering, and broken body to shore when the blessed blackness reached her. 

********** 

"I can't believe this child is still alive," the woman whispered while running her glowing hand over the child's broken legs. She cringed every time she heard the cracking noise or the snap the broken bones fusing back together through magic. 

"Both of her legs and several ribs are broken. She has a deep bite on her arm from God's know what and a dislocated shoulder. Who knows what internal injuries she has, and her head looks like someone bashed it with a rock. I have no idea how she didn't drown, the poor dear." 

"What do you think happened to her?" the man quietly asked. 

The woman looked at him strangely for the obtuse question. "Now how would I know that, husband? Obviously, something terrible. I will try to heal her as much as I can, and hopefully, she will live. But it's going to take everything I have as she has so much damage. Be prepared for a long night." 

"That's fine, but then after we send her on her way. You bring in every hurt bird, broken cub, wounded fawn, abandoned sabre kit you can. I love that about you, but we cannot keep the elf child. And don't think I don't know what is on your mind, woman. I know you all too well." 

She flicked her hand at him as if he didn't know her at all. "Well, I'm certain this little darling has a family anyway. And need I remind you that you are the one who brought in the child? Don't pretend you are so heartless. I know you, as well." 

He scoffed at his wife. He had been pulling up fishing traps for the night when he saw the girl lying still and bleeding on the bank of the river near their farm, body shivering uncontrollably. When he discovered she was still breathing, he picked her up and rushed her to his wife, who was reasonably skilled in the healing arts. 

The elf child could hear people talking as she slowly started to awaken, but didn't know who they were nor could she see them. She moaned out loud as she tried to move. The movement caused her to cry out, which just hurt her head and body, even more, making her cry harder—it was a vicious cycle. Soon the child was wailing loudly from the pain. 

"Well, you've gone and woken her up, husband," she scolded him. 

"Shhhhh, hush now, sweetheart. I am Inga. I'm trying to heal your wounds as much as I can, but I need you to hold still. It's going to take me a while as you have a lot of injuries. My husband, Alof, found you passed out by the river near our home." Inga wasn't sure she was even reaching the child through all her pain and crying. 

The girl could barely hear the words the woman was saying. All she could do was continue to wail loudly from the fear and pain. 

Inga tried to put a soothing hand on the child's freckled and dirty face. "Poor dear. I know it hurts. Here drink this; it will help with the pain and help you sleep." 

The child took the foul drink and almost gagged it up from the horrible taste and sputtered it out a bit from the crying, but if it helped her with the pain, she made sure she didn't spill anymore. It didn't take long for the potion to travel through her body, quickly knocking her out. 

********** 

There was daylight when she woke up. She wasn't sure if it was morning or afternoon or even what day it was and didn't know how long she was asleep. All she knew was that the sun was out as light penetrated through the windows. 

Looking around, Belene noticed she couldn't see anything other than colors and shapes. It reminded her of what she saw when she was back in the water. She tried to sit up and was still in a lot of pain, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it was before. She also noted she could move her legs around, healed, though they retained a dull ache. Even though she did not hurt as much, the pain was still quite extensive. Between the pain and anxiety of not knowing where she was and unable to see, she started to cry again. 

"Oh, dear, are you hurting again, sweetheart?" The girl recognized the soft and delicate voice as the woman talking from before. She must have been trying to heal her; she quickly surmised. 

"She nodded her head but was still crying. "I...I can't see!" 

The thought made her cry harder, and as she tried to look around the room panic set in. She couldn't see objects anymore as they were or textures nor their proper colors. The room consisted mainly of visual hues of blues and purples. She could see an orange-colored shape of a woman, and she tried to focus on that, not realizing then that orange shaped woman was going to be her main focus in keeping her calm from here on out. 

The girl could feel the woman sit down next to her on the bed, and delicately touched her cheek with her hand. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Are you blind? Have you always been blind, or is this something new?" 

"New," was all she could squeak out. 

"Tsk. I see, well, it may have been due to the fact your head was hit pretty hard. You had several concussions, and I wouldn't be surprised if one of those hits blinded you. I'm so sorry, my dear. Hopefully, this is just temporary." The woman took a glowing hand to the girl's eyes and felt around to see if there was a concussion she missed, but nothing changed. She was unable to heal them. Inga could treat concussions, but she wasn't well-versed enough in the healing arts to repair damaged brains. 

"I...I see you, I think. You are orange." 

Inga furrowed her brow and looked at the child carefully, wondering what she was talking about. _Orange? There may be other damage to the brain, as well._

"Do you have a name, child, or should I continue calling you 'child?'" Inga said in a playful way to make the little Bosmer girl smile, but she had no such luck. The child was just too scared and hurting. 

The girl nodded slightly. "It's Belene, though I don't know where I got it. My...my parents are dead, but I don't remember how. I remember fighting. I was very little. I'm alone for a long time now." 

"Oh, how terrible for you! Just too young to be out there alone. But what a lovely name for a lovely girl! Can you tell me how old you are, sweetheart?" 

Belene shrugged shyly. "I think I'm about ten. I only started counting a few years ago, but people tell me what they think my age is, and they each say the same age." 

"Belene, can you talk to me about what happened to you? Why you were so injured?" 

Belene looked away, not sure if she could trust the woman enough to tell her why she was running. She was suddenly frightened again as tears started streaming down her face creating clean lines as the wetness washed away the dirt. 

Inga could see the fear in the child's eyes even though both of her eyes were completely white and glazed over from the damage. She was sure her sight wouldn't return to her, but she didn't want to talk to her about that just yet. 

She put a loving and delicate hand on the child's face. "Belene, I can see you are terrified, but you don't need to be afraid of me. I won't ever let anyone hurt you. You can trust me." 

Belene started to cry harder from the memories that came crashing to her mind, still afraid but decided to trust Inga. "I...I stole some shoes and a tunic. My feet were...hur...hurting and so cold, and my clothes were getting too small. I also st...stole some food. I was starving and hadn't eaten in days. I...I just saw them there and grabbed them and ran! But...but they saw me and were so angry!! They chased me with dogs!! It was just a bit of food and something to wear! They wouldn't have missed them! I don't know why they were so angry!!!" She sobbed loudly, which made her hurt more. 

Inga knew all too well that many Nords could be hateful to those less fortunate, especially those that weren't Nords. She shook her head in shame of her people who could do that to a little girl. 

Inga looked at the child's feet and could see how injured they were. She tried to heal them as best she could, but the damage to the skin, tendon, and bone was extensive. She wondered what had happened to her feet and realized that the child was running for her life barefoot. Her feet would be permanently scarred and most likely hurt the rest of her life. 

"I'm so sorry, my dear. So, the guards started to chase you? Then what happened?" She ran a delicate hand on the girl's face and through her tangled hair to try to soothe her. 

She cried heavily then, with tears running down her face, in part from relief that this woman wasn't rushing to get the guards to have her taken away. 

"I...I was running so fast, and I could hear the dogs so close! But it was the end and...and there was a river below, but it was too high...I...I couldn't jump!! But the dog jumped on me at the edge and...and we both fell! I hope that mean dog is _dead_!" 

Belene put her hands to her face to hide her tears, but Inga removed them so she could gently wipe her tears and runny nose with a cloth. Cleaning her face produced a lot of freckles through all the dirt, Inga noted. 

"I am very sorry for what you went through, Belene. No one should have to go through that, especially a child. You rest now, and I will cook you a nice meal, OK? Are you hungry?" 

Belene just nodded then laid back down to try and get some sleep. 

********** 

"Woman, I knew you were going to do this. Didn't I tell you I knew you? We can't take in every stray that crosses our path!" 

"Alof! She is not a stray animal! She is just a little girl with no family and still very injured. And blind, I might add. What is she supposed to do if we turn her away now? Did we save her just to send her out to her death?" 

"That isn't our problem!" he insisted and cringed as soon as he said his regretful words. He knew his wife was going to talk him into it because he wouldn't do that to the child. But for some reason, he felt he had to make a show of it for his own manly sake—he always gave in to his wife. Raising a child, especially a blind one, would not be simple, and they were not young anymore. 

"Alof!! Now you know better than that! That girl will not survive without our help. You know this." 

"Aye, I know, woman," he in frustration, pretending to be exasperated. "But you are going to have to teach her to care for herself and help out around here. We can't afford to take care of her if she takes and doesn't do anything in return." 

With a smile on her face, Inga gave Alof a huge hug and a kiss on the mouth. She was so happy that this child practically fell into their laps, though not with her being so injured. She wished it happened another way, but she wasn't about to deny this great gift. Alof and Inga had been trying to conceive a baby years before with no luck, and now they were just too old to try anymore. Belene was a gift from Mara. Now they finally had a chance for a family. She knew Belene would be a lot of work teaching her to live with her blindness and be self-sufficient, but Inga was confident the girl would be successful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Belene learns self-sufficiency and she has caught a gentleman's eye.


	2. Line of Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene learns to be self-sufficient and how to use a bow. A new man in town is drawn to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for any comments! They are greatly appreciated!!
> 
> I would like honest opinions here if anyone is willing to give them. I am trying to hone my creative writing and would love some feedback.

Once Belene was well enough to walk, Inga helped her bathe. The girl was filthy with her hair was a tangled skeever’s nest. The girl's first lesson in self-sufficiency was cleanliness and how to take care of hair on her own so she wouldn't look so feral. 

Belene and Inga grabbed buckets of water from the river, paying close attention to landmarks and helping the girl orient herself with the surrounding land. Inga guided Belene's hands to dump the water into the basin without spilling it on the ground. As they went back and forth from the river to the washbasin, Belene started to recognize familiar shapes and colors in the environment. It was a monotonous task, but it enabled her to see patterns and to quicken her pace with familiarity. 

The house and washbasin blended in color and shadows, so she could not quite see where she was going. She would frequently stumble into the washbasin, spilling water from her bucket. The river was not as challenging to visualize with its movement of color, as if a rainbow could swirl, ebb, and flow. 

It didn't take her long to recognize that landscapes were generally cooler colors of blues and purples while animals and people had warmer colors of reds and oranges. 

_It’s almost as if I can see the heat coming off of living things_ , she mused. 

Once the basin was full, Inga took her flame spell to warm up the water. Inga, as a Nord, could handle the frigid waters, but Belene could not. Bosmer came from the warmer climate of Valenwood and were ill-suited to the cold temperatures of Skyrim, even if a Bosmer never set foot in Valenwood. 

The warm water would help soothe Belene's aches and pains—pains that she was going to have to deal with for the rest of her life, making her arthritic. Inga handed Belene the cloth and soap and told her how to wash herself. The girl couldn't even remember ever taking a bath. She would periodically splash in the frigid waters, but it was always too cold to get properly clean. 

When all the dirt was removed off of Belene, Inga noted how pretty the girl was. She went from a stinking skeever to a beautiful tundra cotton blossom. 

_She is going to grow up to be a beautiful woman with her tan skin covered entirely in freckles and almost white blonde hair and contrasting dark eyebrows_. 

Inga was saddened by the fact that when Belene became a woman, not many men would take an interest in her due to her visible blindness and scarring. 

It took Inga almost an hour to get all the tangles out of Belene’s ashen blonde hair. She tried not to cry, but it hurt her head as Inga pulled, yanked, and tugged out all the tangles, leaves, and broken bits of wood out of her hair. Once she was finished, Inga handed Belene the comb to teach her how to groom herself. Inga was in awe of the silkiness of the girl's hair after it was immaculate and combed through. When she ran fingers through it as the hair softly cascaded through her fingers like water. 

Inga also taught the girl how to braid. She created two small braids on either side of her head and pinned them back to her flowing hair that pooled around her back and shoulders with wisps of hair framing her face. They practiced and practiced until Belene was finally able to do it on her own by feel alone. 

********** 

Alof frequently took Belene on hikes so she could get to know the woods and her surroundings around their home through colors, shapes, and landmarks. She was quickly comprehending what animals she was seeing based on size, shape, and color as they ran by. But sometimes she couldn't see the trees from the rocks before her and would walk right into them, sometimes painfully. The shapes periodically melded together in color, and she couldn't see what was before her. It would take years before she could learn to differentiate specific forms in the landscape or furniture indoors. 

Belen's hearing was always good, but now that she had to rely on her other senses, her sense of hearing had become impeccable. She could feel the slight wind touching her skin and knew what direction it was coming from, and she could smell better than before. She knew Inga was making rabbit stew though she was probably a good half-mile away. Her body knew when rain or a snowstorm was approaching as her body would ache with arthritis from the cold moisture in the air. 

********** 

Because not even Belene knew her birthday, Inga and Alof decided it would be wonderful to celebrate her 1st Found Day instead—celebrating the day she was found. They would use her Found Day every year in place of her birthday. 

Alof made her a beautiful bow of birch wood that was light and flexible with some steel arrows he had specially made with her quiver. She felt her quiver and could feel the intricate carved pattern on the hard leather. 

"Oh, this is wonderful, Alof! I have never received a present before! It feels beautiful!! But I don't know how to use a bow," she muttered disappointedly. 

"Don't worry about that, girl. I will teach you in a couple of days and you can learn. Eventually, I will take you hunting. We want you to be able to survive on your own, for one day we will no longer be around, but you will have fun with it too. Would you like that?" 

"Yes! I would like that very much!! Thank you both so much for everything you have done for me! I'm not sure I would still be alive if you didn't help me that day. But you also helped so I could continue to live through my blindness." 

"It was our pleasure, dear. We love you, you know, that right?" Inga asked. 

"Yes, I know. I love you both too!" 

Belene wiped away her tears of happiness and hugged them both tightly for her wonderful gift. It didn't take much for her to shed tears as she tended to wear her heart on her sleeve. Belene was a very emotionally expressive child and it worried Inga sometimes. She wasn't able to deal with emotions, happy or not, probably due to the traumatic nature of her life. The girl could almost survive on her own, but her strong emotions could prevent her from coping if something terrible were to happen. 

********** 

A few days later, she was out next to the house with Alof to receive her first lesson in archery after teaching her how to string it and maintain it. 

"Now, I'm not the best with weapons. I'm no soldier, though I'm good enough to make sure we are fed. I am certain with your Bosmer abilities, you will be a better marksman than I am; even with your blindness. You have the benefit of better hearing, smell, and your people are known to be instinctively in tune with nature and excellent archers."

Belene listened eagerly awaiting her first lesson in archery. It was one of those abilities she knew would help her lead a normal life. She would be able to feed herself and protect herself. 

"I have made an archery target for you made out of straw. I set it up in a place that hopefully you can see its shape. Can you see the round object before you?" 

"Yes, Alof, thank you." 

"Pull out your bow, and before we start shooting, I need to teach you how to stand properly. Since you are right-handed, turn your body, so your left shoulder is facing the target, slightly move your left foot towards your target, and your right foot facing straight out." 

He watched her get into her stance as directed, and he made some minor adjustments. "This is called your stance. How does it feel?" 

"I feel good and steady." 

"Good. Feel it, memorize it. Next, pull out one of your arrows from your quiver and nock it onto your bowstring with the arrow sitting on the arrow's rest." 

He waited as she felt around where the arrow's rest was and nocked her arrow. Whenever she struggled with something, he would guide her hands, but he felt the best way for her to learn would be to first try to figure it out on her own. 

"Excellent, now hold it there with your right hand and with your left hand, place your bow in between your thumb and forefinger, pushing the bow outward rather than gripping in. Then slowly curl your fingers into the bow still not gripping it. Yes, just like that, good." 

She waited in anticipation for his next instruction. She already knew she was going to enjoy using this weapon and looked forward to practicing and eventually hunting. 

"Now lift your bow towards your target, with your left arm slightly bent away from the string. You don't want the bowstring to hit your arm when you let loose your arrow. Place your forefinger on top of the arrow and two fingers below it and pull back your string as far as it will go to the side of your face, touching it... excellent! 

Hold your bow straight at the target, and lift your right elbow straight out with your back straight. Don't bend back or forward. Just keep the right arm bent and straight in line with your shoulders. Also, keep your head straight." 

He walked around her body, looking at her stance and position, making slight adjustments to her right arm and straightening her back a bit. She was quiet while she absorbed in her lesson, feeling and trying to remember how she was standing and holding her bow. 

"Feel how you are standing and remember it...memorize it. Are you ready to shoot? It looks like you are." 

"Yes, Alof," she said breathlessly in her excitement. As she held her position, her right arm wasn't quite strong enough yet, and she could feel the muscles start to quiver a little bit from the strain. 

"Most of your accuracy is going to be through feel and practice. But a little tip is to know that you want to aim slightly down as your arrow will move upwards when you shoot. When you are ready just release the string with your fingers. After you shoot, keep your bow held up for the follow-through." 

Belene inhaled deeply, sensing the wind direction. She aimed and readied herself to shoot, trying to focus on the target she could barely see. When she felt she was ready, she let loose her arrow. Her good hearing indicated she hit her mark, but she didn't know where. 

"Well done! You hit the target at the top left of it, but that you hit it on your first try was amazing! Eventually, you will learn to hit dead center. I knew you would be a natural!" 

She had a massive smile on her face and had so much fun! "Thank you, Alof!" 

"I want you to practice every day on your target, and when you feel ready, I will take you hunting elk and eventually to rabbits. Elk are larger and easier to hit compared with rabbits being smaller and faster. How would you like that?" 

"I would love to go hunting!" she said excitedly. 

********** 

Months, then years, passed as she was able to do most things on her own with very little assistance. She made sure all her chores were done before she would run off to hunt or work on her archery skills. She had also taken to throwing daggers. Mostly it was just for fun, but she ended up reasonably good at it, hitting thin and narrow trees in their center. 

Aiming her daggers and bow wasn't the only thing she practiced. Belene had been practicing her shooting speed, shooting double and triple arrows, and from different heights, like from up high in the trees. 

She loved to climb trees way up high and just settle in them, feeling the wind move her back and forth as if the tree was a mother holding and rocking her babe. She felt in her element and safe up high, never once being afraid she would fall out. 

********** 

Belene was now 18 Winters and almost entirely self-sufficient thanks to all the guided work of Inga and Alof. Inga and Alof were starting to get up there in years, and Inga's knees were her hurting more and more with age. Belene had started to help more around the house to take up most of Inga's heavier work-load. 

"Belene!!" yelled Inga. 

"Yes, Inga!" 

"Sweetheart, can you go to Falkreath for me? We need a new axe from Gray Pine Goods. We also need some eggs and butter for the bread tonight from Indara at Corpselight farm over there." 

"Of course! I will be back by late afternoon." She grabbed her basket and rushed out the door, eagerly headed to Falkreath, which always gave her a nice change of pace. 

Belene had been to Falkreath so many times, she could walk there with her eyes shut. She always preferred the woods and nature, feeling the wind on her face and listening to the animals. But she also loved the little town with all the people and shops. She would go into the shop that sold fabrics and clothes, feeling all the beautiful textures and wishing she could see their colors. She would run her hands through some of the more delicate dresses made of the finest spidersilk, wishing she could afford one. 

_Maybe someday_ , she hoped. 

********** 

He watched the beautiful blind girl walk into town with such confidence, carrying her empty basket, as if she wasn't blind at all. He was thoroughly captivated by her ability to know where she was going and not run into people or objects. The blind people he ever witnessed who were capable of walking around, usually did so with sticks. She needed no such tool. 

She was younger than he. She was probably not 20 Winters yet, but it was hard to be sure with elves. She was very beautiful, even with her blind white eyes. The almost white, silky blonde hair cascaded down her back with lovely braids woven in. Her face was covered all over in fetching freckles. She was relatively short, typical for Bosmer, but had an attractive, lithe figure and developed curves to her hips and chest. She moved with the grace of a cat—he was instantly taken in by her. 

_I wonder what she looks like under all those folds of cloth from her dress._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Belene gets to know Gaius


	3. Love is Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene gets to know Gaius and he gives her her first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for any comments, feedback, kudos are all greatly appreciated and keep me eager to continue writing!! <3

She heard someone swiftly coming up close behind her, then slow down as they caught up. She knew they were coming to see her based on the sound of their movements as they approached. She stopped and turned to face her pursuer, unafraid, but always had easy access to her dagger on her belt. 

He was suddenly caught off guard when she just stopped to look right at him. 

_How did she…? No, I probably should have known better with how comfortable she walked around_. 

"Hello, milady! I saw you walking by, and I have to admit, I'm very intrigued by your abilities to move around so freely. You are most confident!" he declared as jovially as he could. 

"You mean, for a blind girl, right?" she snapped defensively, uncertain about the boldness of this stranger. 

"Well...yes, sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, milady, of course. I apologize. I was just fascinated watching you with such confidence and grace with which you walk." He smiled at her, quickly forgetting she couldn't see him. 

She was confused at first because men never spoke to her unless they had to, such as shop owners. It was unusual for a man to just walk up to her to talk about things other than selling wares. 

His voice was smooth as honey with a slight lilt, which she took an instant liking to. His shape was relatively tall and broad as she had to look up, but that was all she could ascertain out of his appearance. 

After accepting his apology, she apologized in turn. "No, I'm the one who should be sorry. There was no need for me to be so defensive. I'm just not used to people coming up to talk to me. They tend to avoid the 'blind girl.'" 

He gave her a winning smile, quickly forgetting again she couldn't see him— _This is a bit disconcerting how much she looks like she can see._ The man's smile was what usually drew women in, so he had to find other means to do so with her. That was how much she didn't act blind—one was quick to forget she was. 

"There is nothing to forgive, milady." 

"I'm Belene. Not 'milady.'" 

"Belene! Lovely name. I am Gaius. How do you do?" He reached out to grab her hand to kiss it, but she quickly snatched it back, not understanding what he was doing. She wasn't used to being touched by anyone other than by Inga and Alof through hugs or guidance. Contrary to her reluctance to being touched, she smiled shyly at him with a slight overbite, "Nice to meet you, Gaius. Well, take care, then." 

_Hello? What an alluring smile!_

"Wait…" he yelled, rushing to keep up with her again. 

"Look, it was nice to meet you, but I have to grab my wares and head back home," she explained, walking away again. 

He had to chase after her. "I...I would enjoy getting to know you, Belene." 

_Damn, she was fast for a blind girl._

She stopped and found herself blushing slightly. "I...uhm...why?" 

Her blushing was charming, but her question caught him slightly off guard. Usually, when he flattered, women fawned over him and didn't question it. 

"I...well, I find you very enthralling and very beautiful if you want me to be honest."

" _Are_ you being honest?" she asked, blushing again, the tips of her ears twitching a bit. She couldn't understand why a man like Gaius would be interested in someone like her, or even find her beautiful at all, not that she had any real concept of beauty in the sense of how others see it. But she couldn't help but feel a bit flattered. 

He laughed at her cleverness. "Yes, I'm being sincere. I really want to see you again...get to know you. Can I do that?" 

She turned up to look at him the face. He kept having doubts if she was really blind. "OK then, Gaius. Tomorrow then...mid-day. I am hunting over near Lake Ilinata, close to Half Moon Mill. If you can find me, then we can get to know one another." 

With that, she walked off with a smile on her face, hoping he couldn't see it. 

He just shook his head astonished and smiled, trying to figure out how a blind girl could hunt. But there would be no doubt he would find her and get to know the lovely Belene. 

Belene arrived at Corpselight farm to buy the supplies Inga requested from Indara. 

"Dear Belene! So good to see you again!" 

"It's good to see you again, too, Indara...well your shape anyway." 

Indara chuckled at Belene's little joke. "I see you were talking to that young man, dear. What did he want?" 

Belene shrugged and blushed a bit. "He just said he wanted to get to know me." 

Indara could see the girl blush and knew this man was probably interested in more than getting to know her, but she didn't get involved. It wasn't her business. 

"Just be careful, dear," was all she said. 

********** 

Belene finally got home and smelled the wonderful meal Inga was preparing. The scent of rabbit, leaks, and wine permeated the air. 

_Rabbit stew, my favorite!_

"Mmmmmmm smells delicious! My favorite meal of yours!" 

"I know, dear. It is why I made it. Did you get the supplies I asked for?" 

"Yes, I got everything." 

Belene sat down at the table and started to knead the dough to make bread for dinner. She loved the soft and doughy mixture squish between her fingers. While kneading the dough, she sat quietly, thinking about the man who she talked to today and wondered what he looked like. She stupidly didn't ask Indara, she thought with regret, who had seen him. 

"You're being very quiet tonight, dear. How was Falkreath?" 

"It was fine," she muttered vaguely. 

Inga watched her while Belene was kneading away. She knew her girl very well. "OK, out with it, Bel. What has you so distracted?" 

Belene could feel the heat in her cheeks knowing she was blushing and tried not to look at Inga while she kneaded the bread. She was a bit embarrassed to talk about it— _why should I be? It's not like I did anything wrong. I just spoke to a man._

"I met someone today." 

"Oh? Would this someone be a man?" 

Belene could feel her face get even hotter. "Yes, he was a man. He was nice to me." 

"I _bet_ he was…Let me guess, he told you how beautiful you were?" 

Belene looked down while kneading, wondering if she could possibly feel her face get any hotter, ears twitching. 

"He did. But mainly, he talked about how well I moved." 

"I _bet_ he did," Inga said, drooling in sarcasm. 

"Inga! Why are you so suspicious?!" 

Inga laughed at her outburst. "Dear, because men are usually the same. They see a beautiful girl, and generally, they only want one thing." 

"Alof didn't, and you married him." 

"Oh, didn't he? He certainly tried, but I never gave it to him until he promised me." 

Belene thought about that. She wondered what would be so bad if she had some sex. She's never tried it before. Maybe it could be fun, but she listened to Inga's words. Besides, she would have to be kissed first, and no man had ever wanted that from her. 

"Dear, I'm not trying to make things difficult for you. I just want you to be aware that some men will tell you anything to get what they want. Not all men are like this. There are many good men out there, but you should be prepared. And I'm sorry to have to say this, especially since you cannot see, you miss subtle nuances of the face that can give certain things away. But if a man likes you, he will wait until you are ready. That's all I'm saying." 

"OK, Inga. I can understand that." 

"Good dear, now please go get me some carrots from the garden while I start baking the bread. 

********** 

It was early morning when she made her way towards Lake Ilinalta. She had this strange and nervous feeling that made her stomach flutter, hoping Gaius would try to look for her. She craved to have a man show any interest in her, which she partially knew in the back of her mind was a bit desperate. 

_"A desperate heart will seduce the mind,"_ * she repeated in her head, uncertain where she heard the words. Probably from one of the many books Alof and Inga read to her. 

Belene was high up in a tree watching the elk feed on some wildflowers below. She quietly nocked an arrow in the bowstring, pulled it back as far as it would go, and held her breath to let loose… The elk suddenly got spooked and ran off— _Dammit!_

Then her sensitive hearing heard it— _footsteps_. The steps were heavy and she knew they were made by a man. Belene wondered if it was Gaius who had spooked the elk looking for her. He was approaching close to the tree she was hiding in when she suddenly and silently landed into a silent roll on the ground, making him jump out of his skin. 

"Whoa there lass, you scared me!" he exclaimed and laughed nervously, trying to still his heart with his hand.

 _Was she in that tree?_

"You spooked my kill," she snapped irritably, though happy he found her—a strange mixture of feelings. She recognized the same shape and smell from the day before, knowing the stranger was Gaius. 

Gaius bowed to her. "I apologize, milady. I had no way to know you were way up in the trees like a bird. I must say you have impressed me yet again!" 

She found herself blushing at his flattery, but shrugged nonetheless as if it weren't that impressive at all. "I have been climbing trees since I was a child. It's really not all that amazing." 

"Really? I have never heard of a blind person climbing trees before, so I shall remain impressed." 

She gave him one of her winning smiles, which quite pleased him. 

"What's in your basket?" she asked, being nosy and reaching for it, trying to change the subject. 

Again, shaking his head in wonder as to how she knew that. He quickly pulled the basket out of her reach, teasing her. 

"Tsk, nope. That is a surprise for a lovely young lady, but I can't seem to find her anywhere. I have looked and looked all morning. Have you seen a beautiful young lady around here? Light blonde hair, long ears, freckles?" he asked, being jocular. 

She wanted to resist his charms, but it was nearly impossible as she lightly slapped his arm and laughed. "Tell me!" 

"Very well, milady. Come." He touched her arm with his elbow for her to grasp it. She enjoyed feeling his muscular arm as he guided her closer to the lake. He laid a blanket down for them to sit on and pulled out some dried meats, cheeses, bread, and wine. 

"I figured you would be hungry after a day of hunting." 

"I would be had you not spooked my kill," she said in jest, looking at him slyly. 

"Alas, she will never forgive me this slight," he yelled to the sky, making her laugh. 

She was quite pleased with his wares as she dug in and ate several bites of mouth-watering Eidar cheese. The sharp tang of the cheese nearly melted in her mouth. She then took a long pull of red wine right from the bottle, the combination of wine and cheese was divine. After wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she laid down on the blanket, feeling the heat of Mundus caressing her face. It was a perfect day... The weather was beautiful too. 

Gaius laid down on his side, propped up by his elbow with his head resting on his hand, watching her enjoy the warmth of the day. 

"So, tell me a bit about yourself, Belene." 

"Not much to tell, really. I live on a farm with two Nords who adopted me. They taught me how to survive with my blindness," she shrugged. 

"It's quite a simple, if not a little boring at times, but I love them very much and keep myself entertained with hunting and tree climbing when I have the time. I sometimes wish I could read books, but they read to me a lot, so I can still learn something. How about you?" 

"Same, not much to tell really. I used to live on a farm as well back in Cyrodiil. Outside of Bruma to be more specific. But I was bored and wanted to see the world much to my parent's unhappiness for not keeping with farming traditions. I came to Skyrim a few years ago to be an adventurer and explorer. I never looked back." 

She sat up onto her side to face him, expecting interesting stories. "Sounds exciting! See anything amazing since you have been here?" 

"Yes, one thing…"

"Tell me! Was it some massive old Nordic ruins from the Merethic Era or an old underground Dwemer city I have heard about?" 

He stared at her in silence, though it was fleeting. "I'm looking right at her…" 

She blushed heavily, ears twitching, which she seemed to do a lot when she was embarrassed, but scoffed him away, smiling. "Flatterer! I'm sure I am not the most exciting thing you have ever seen since being in Skyrim." 

He lightly touched her face with the back of his fingers. "Now how could you possibly know what I find exciting or not?" 

She stopped smiling and found herself slightly embarrassed, trying to find some retort. 

He really enjoyed making her blush as her ears twitch, smiling wide at her. He watched her face struggling to find words to say in response to his statement, but she remained silent. 

He bent down towards her face and lightly touched her lips with his. She suddenly breathed heavily at his touch and felt her stomach dip at the unexpected anticipation and excitement. She had never been kissed, so she wasn't sure what to do. She had never been able to see anyone do it to even get an idea of what it was like. 

When she was younger, she would take to kissing her hand as if her hand was a man, and she was a princess, but this wasn't quite the same at all. All she could do was follow his lead as she felt him move heavier on her mouth and opened his lips. 

She could feel his warm breath on her face as her stomach fluttered. She never expected to feel so excited yet nervous at the same time for her first kiss.

When Gaius' tongue pushed through her teeth to touch her's, it was a bit of a surprise, but she closed her eyes and responded to his movements, touching her tongue to his She never knew that people kissed with tongues, but she liked it very much. 

"You taste wonderful, Belene," he whispered in her ear after he pulled away. 

She could only shyly smile, blushing. 

After a while of talking a bit more and sitting in the warmth of the day, he stood to pack up the picnic. 

"I have to go now, but I would love to see you again, dear Belene." 

"Yes, I would like that too." 

"Tomorrow? Same time?" 

"Alright…" is all she could get out. 

"It has been a pleasure, milady!" He then left with a bow. 

As he left, she stayed by the lake for a bit, imagining her kiss again, touching her full lips with her fingers. She never expected to enjoy it so much and hoped she would receive more wonderful kisses from him. 

He stayed back a bit and watched her as she touched her lips, recalling their kiss. He could tell by how she reacted to him that it was most likely her first. Smiling, he headed back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Gaius isn't what he seems.
> 
> * Quote from Mitch Albom


	4. Snake in the Grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene's life comes crashing down around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Rape, Extreme Violence, Murder
> 
> Thank you so much for any comments, feedback, kudos are all greatly appreciated and keep me eager to continue writing!! <3

Belene spent the next couple of weeks getting to know Gaius and decided it was time to introduce him to her family. She fussed over the dinner, trying to make the meal perfect for him and spent the entire morning cleaning the house top to bottom. She was very nervous as to what Inga and Alof would think about him and wanted very much for their approval, but she wanted Gaius to like them too. 

"We should have men over more often," Inga whispered to Alof. 

"I heard that!" Belene yelled from upstairs. 

Before Mundus disappeared for the evening, Gaius was knocking on their door. 

Belene waved him in and introduced him to her parents. "Gaius, I would like you to meet Inga and Alof, my adoptive parents.” 

He bowed deeply to them both and delicately grabbed Inga's hand to lightly kiss it. "It is my pleasure!" He gave her one of his winning smiles that always drew in the women which delighted the older, yet comely woman as he knew it would. 

Inga, usually suspicious of men and their wants, was quite pleased with the young and handsome Imperial. He was polite and appeared kind and attentive to Belene. She was glad he was relatively youthful as she was worried that he would be too old for the girl since there would be no way for Belene to see such things. His dark hair and kind eyes with sharp features made him quite handsome. After getting to know him, it appeared he was quite intelligent as well. 

Alof wasn't as enthralled as his wife over Gaius. She may have been the romantic, but he wasn't about to blindly trust the young man. Belene was his daughter, and he knew how men could be. He didn't trust Gaius at all as he stared down at the man for most of the evening. There was just something off about him. Alof didn't say much—doing his duty as a father in protecting his daughter. 

After they finished their meal, Gaius heartedly patted his stomach. "My that was the best meal I have had in ages! You are a fine cook, Inga! Thank you very much for dinner." 

"Oh, you shouldn't be thanking me. Bel here is the one who cooked tonight. But I did teach her everything I know." 

"Ah, well then! I should be thanking both of you!" he beamed, winking at the older woman. 

After staying for a bit longer for some dessert and brandy, he stood up to take his leave. Bowing again, he thanked Inga and Alof for their hospitality and headed outside to say goodnight with Belene holding his hand, close in tow. 

She stood close to him while they were outside, holding his hand and looking at him in his eyes as if she could actually see him while he delicately played with her fingers. He gently grabbed her by the small of her back and drew her in close against him. "That was a perfect dinner, Milady." 

She smiled shyly up at him, "I'm glad you were pleased." She pressed up against him a little tighter, hoping to be kissed again. 

He bent his head down and breathed lightly in her ear, knowing he would get a strong reaction from her as her ears were highly sensitive. 

"I will be more pleased if you would kiss me," he whispered. 

Her stomach fluttered, and she felt something stir between her legs as he delicately pressed his mouth so close to hers. She leaned into him and kissed him deeply as their tongues entwined around each other. He moved a hand gently up her back and cupped the back of her head, feeling her silky blonde hair run through his fingertips. 

He finally pulled away, lightly sucking her bottom lip, which left her feeling empty and in want. "Until we meet again…" he whispered in her ear again as he delicately touched her face. 

********** 

The day Gaius saw Belene, he instantly knew she would be his next mark. With her blindness, she wouldn't be able to recognize him and point him out to the guards. She was perfect. He couldn't win her over with his smiles and looks, so he had to rely heavily on charm, wit, and touching. As he worked her over with flattery and attention, she trusted him enough to invite him over to her house. While he was inside, he scoped the house to see if there were things of value. 

When he met her family, they were all too trusting, well, except for the father. He was watching Gaius closely, so he hoped the man wouldn't be too much trouble, though he would keep a wary eye out for him. 

"I'm telling you the farmhouse is large and full of nice objects! More than you would expect for simple farmers. They must have traveled Skyrim and elsewhere quite a bit before they settled down. We could really make some good coin from this." 

"And what about the girl you have been spending so much time with, Gaius?" Hama asked.

"What about her?" He looked at the big and homely Nord woman with a smirk. "Jealous, Hama?" He grinned at her as her face turned crimson with embarrassment. 

"NO! I just want to make sure you don't get distracted," she explained in a huff, crossing her arms angrily, though she did secretly lust after him. He was very handsome and just had a way with women. But she knew he would never be interested in her as she wasn't pretty at all with her stringy hair and a pock-marked face. 

"Don't worry. The girl is nothing to me," he dismissed with a flick of the hand. 

"So, what are we looking at here in terms of coin?" Volk asked nasally as his bulbous nose had been broken one too many times. The rotund, balding man had been reclining in his chair on two legs as it creaked and strained under his weight. Gaius was waiting for the chair to burst out from under the large man. 

"Hard to say, but it's more than we have right now, correct? The ease of the mark will make it worth it." 

Volk looked over at his brother, who had been silent the entire time, watching him clean his fingernails with his dagger. Jolf was the complete opposite of Volk. He was thin, tall, and had a head full of dirty blonde hair. "What do you think, Jolf?" 

Jolf just shrugged without looking up, "Let's do it. I'm bored anyway." 

Gaius looked at them all. "Look, it's a relatively easy mark, but I'm telling you this girl is more capable than she appears. The girl is blind, but she senses a LOT and knows how to hunt, use a bow, and can throw daggers. I have spent a lot of time observing her for the past couple of weeks. So, don't underestimate her." 

********** 

Belene was in a deep sleep when they broke in late the following evening. Gaius and his team nimbly unlocked the door and started to collect items throughout the house as soon as they entered. They intended just to grab and go, then find a fence to get some coin from their loot and quickly move on. 

There were silver candlesticks, handcrafted platters, jewelry, and a few trinkets from some ruins. Hama smiled when she found a container in the kitchen full of gold coins. 

_Stupid people deserved to be burglarized,_ she thought. 

Alof woke with a start sensing something was off in the house— _something is wrong._

He got up and grabbed his dagger from his bedside table, and quietly walked downstairs to see what was going on. He peeked around the corner to see the man who came to their house the other night rummaging through a drawer. 

_Damned thief! I knew he was no good, the bastard!_

"Stop right there, Gaius. What in Oblivion do you think you are doing?" Alof demanded, holding out his dagger, not realizing there were other people in the house.

Before Gaius could say anything, Volk quietly came up behind Alof and took a blade to his throat. Alof quickly died as he bled out on the floor. 

"Fuck! You could have given me a chance to talk my way out of this. You didn't have to kill the man, Volk!" Gaius whispered loudly. 

"No, he saw you; he dies!" 

"Fine! Whatever! Let's just hurry up!" _Dammit!_

Gaius padded up the stairs and found himself pausing by Belene's room as he watched her in the doorway sleeping. He had this strong urge to see her one more time. He had used her, true, but he was still quite taken in by her, despite what he told Hama. There was no denying her beauty and abilities. He stood over her, the urge to resist touching her was great—ignoring his own advice to the others. Everything might have been fine had she not woken up right then. 

Belene, sensing someone that wasn't her parents were in the room with her, shot her eyes open, and saw a shape hovering above her. She suddenly scrambled in the drawer next to her bed to grab her dagger. She managed to grab it as Gaius snapped out of his shock and knocked it out of her hand. She could hear it fall to the floor as he quickly covered her mouth with his hand before she could scream out and pressed down on her with his body. Something was wrong about him as she struggled and tried to claw him off of her. 

He suddenly wanted Belene—wanted to fuck her. There was something about her struggles and feeling her tight body squirm under him as he hardened between his legs. He quickly replaced his hand with his mouth, kissing her. She bit his lip in response, tasting his blood in her mouth and spat it out in his face. 

He backhanded her face hard in return, making her bleed out of her nose and mouth as she moaned in pain. She tried to get up to defend herself, but he straddled her and pinned her arms to keep her still, too heavy to push him off as she continued to struggle underneath him. He then kissed her on her neck with his bloody mouth. 

“Why are you doing this, Gaius?! I thought you liked me! Get off me!!" she cried out loud, trying to shove him off of her. She wasn’t quite afraid—yet. 

_How did she_ …? 

He sat up to look down on her with her arms pinned under his hands. 

"Are you sure you're fucking blind?" 

She scoffed and looked at him like he was obtuse, more angry than afraid. 

"You know nothing about the Bosmer, do you? We have senses you don't have. We are in tune with our surroundings, even more so that I'm blind. I can smell you, idiot! I was stupid to believe you and trust you. Inga warned me about men like you. But you're even more stupid for underestimating me!" 

He slapped her face again, making her bleed more. She groaned as he bent down to lick the blood off her face. She cringed and shut her eyes tightly as he did it, not sure if she was disgusted more by his licking her or him licking her blood. Sitting up, he yanked her quickly up and ripped her shift off of her body while she tried to fight him off then pinned her back down on the bed. 

"I knew you would have gorgeous tits," he exclaimed, smiling down at her lasciviously. He pinned her small wrists with one of his large hands as he fondled her breasts with the other grasping, pinching her nipples hard between finger and thumb. She instinctively arched her back to the pain, making him harder as he watched her. 

"Let me go, you asshole," she screamed as she tried to squirm and struggle out of his tight grasp—now there was fear. 

"Belene?" 

_No!_ "Run, Inga!!! Run!!!!!

"Belene…?" she cried out again with worry. That was all Inga could get out before Jolf thrust a sword through her heart from behind. 

"Nooooooo!!!! Inga! Why would you do such a thing! She was innocent!" Belene screamed and cried as she watched Inga crumble to the ground, knowing she had been killed. 

Gaius quit caring as all he wanted was her and looked down at her nakedness. There was only one thing on his mind at that moment. While he held her wrists with one hand, he moved his free hand down between her legs. She quickly crossed them to keep him out, then tried to kick at him. 

He nodded to Jolf, "Hold her down!" 

"Gaius…this is not what we planned," Jolf warned calmly. _This is getting out of hand_.

"I said, hold her the fuck down!" 

Jolf did as he was told and held her down as she struggled to get away, but she wasn't strong enough to get the huge Nord off of her. Gaius came back with his pants undone and his hardened cock ready in his hand. 

"Hold her hands."

Belene, teary eyes were wide in fear as Jolf held her hands. Gaius roughly spread her thighs and thrust hard into her. 

"No!!! Out, out, out!!!" She screamed out from the pain and the loss of her innocence as he pounded away in her. It hurt so much. Between her rape and the loss of her family, all she could do was cry.

Hama showed up seeing what was going on. She had been raped several times in her youth, but instead of helping the girl, she just turned and left, trying to block out the girls' screams and disappointment in Gaius for raping the girl, being too craven to help her. She thought he was better than that. 

He shoved in and out of her hard and deep. She cried through the pain and him filling her, as she started to feel an odd sensation with each thrust, but he quickly came in her and the feeling ended as quickly as it began when he pulled out. 

When Gaius was done, he pulled out and saw all the blood just realizing he raped a virgin. He knew in the back of his mind she might have been, but he didn't care. Instead of making him feel guilty, all his thoughts were of him being inside of her again. He looked down at her tear-stained and bloodied face with continued lust. She looked at him with death and spat in his face. 

He backhanded her again, hard, pissing him off and almost knocking her out then. She struggled to stay conscious while stars danced in her vision, moaning in pain. 

"Anyone else want to fuck this lovely little virgin while I work myself up again?" 

"I do!" Volk said. He pulled out his cock and rubbed it until he became hard. Women never wanted Volk, so he didn’t mind just taking it.

"No! No more!" she weakly cried as she kicked out at him, trying to fight him off. 

Volk, immune to her pleas, shove himself in her. As Volk was fucking her, she started to cry harder, but then she felt something hard pressed against her as he was raping her. He had forgotten that he left his dagger in his belt. She wiggled and pulled until she finally managed to get a hand loose from Jolf, who was distracted by her rape. He, too, wanted a turn after watching his brother, despite his previous objections. She quickly unsheathed his dagger and stabbed him repeatedly in his kidneys, eventually killing him. 

Volk fell on her dead with his cock still inside her. Jolf, in shock at the loss of his brother, completely let go of Belene. She shoved Volk out and off of her, which was almost impossible with his rotund body. She managed to stand up and kicked Jolf hard in his balls, dropping him as he tried to grab her again. She then quickly slit his throat without hesitation as he dropped to his knees, dead. Gaius' mouth was agape watching all this play out before he came to his senses. 

"You fucking bitch!!! Those were my best men!" 

She scoffed at him. "Now, they are dead men!" 

She stood there naked, covered in blood from her killings, and bleeding down her legs from her rapes, too angry to care and ready to kill Gaius. But he had his own dagger out, and she was going to have to fight him. She could throw daggers, but she had never attempted hand-to-hand combat with them or thrown daggers at a moving target, so was ultimately out of her element, making her much more cautious. 

He quickly slashed at her, slicing the top of her breast before she even knew what hit her, the sharp blade leaving a trail of blood from the deep wound. He was very fast, making her back away and go on the defensive. She instinctively grasped her breast to stop the bleeding as she waved her dagger around with her other hand. She could no longer see him, assuming he was behind her as she quickly turned around just to have him slice at her left arm. When her arm dropped, he sliced at her other breast. The cuts were clean but deep. 

"Do you think you can beat me in a game of knives, girl? Even as talented as you are, you have nothing compared to me."

She suddenly started to cry again. "Why did you do this, Gaius? We were nothing but nice to you. I...I liked you!" 

He never intended to kill and rape, just steal. It all just seemed to fall apart and then found he had to have her...lusted for Belene. His lecture to his team about not underestimating her left his mind as soon as he saw here there sleeping. Fucking her had been the only thing on his mind. If there was any remorse, he quickly shut it down. He couldn't allow her to live after all this, hardening his soulless heart for the inevitable.

"It's time to die, girl." 

She could see him coming at her again, swinging her dagger at him missing him entirely. He got closer as he sliced at her breasts and stomach several more times, in quick swipes of the honed blade, almost toying with her like a cat with a mouse. She bled profusely and was in so much pain, but she had to find a way to stop him before he killed her. 

When she saw the doorway was no longer blocked, she ran for it, but not before he grabbed her by her hair and yanked her hard onto the floor, falling hard on her back. 

Once she was down, he scrambled on top of her again and sliced her on her breasts again. She laid there on the ground, heavily bleeding out, getting weaker from blood loss and abuse. He took advantage of Belene's weakened condition to rape her again with a hand on her throat, trying to choke her at the same time. All the blood and wanting her dead did nothing to still his ever-growing erection has he trusted in her. 

Her hand felt around the floor, grasping, knowing her knife was close by while trying to pry his tight grip off her throat with the other. Her vision was darkening as she struggled for air. Once she finally felt the familiar hilt, she grabbed it and swung her arm around hard, stabbing him in the back several times despite losing air to her lungs. Once he let go, she started coughing and struggled to get air. 

He shoved himself off of her and fled the house, leaving a trail of blood with her dagger still stuck in his back. On his way out, he grabbed a candle and started to burn the house down, the old wood was quickly consumed by flames. 

Belene could smell smoke as she weakly got up. 

_I have to get out of here!_

She grabbed a new shift from the wardrobe and headed down to the kitchen to grab a health potion. She also needed to grab her bow and quiver and her boots. When she reached the kitchen, she almost tripped over Alof on the ground dead. Crying and coughing from the smoke, she swallowed the potion and fled outside as she watched the farmhouse quickly burn down to the ground. She sat there on her knees, the scent of smoke, blood and burning bodies nauseating her. She wept and wept for the loss of her family and home. 

_And, for what? For some trinkets?! What a fucking waste!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Belene seeks help and plans her revenge on Gaius


	5. A Perilous State

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene gets help from friends, but as they try to help her, her mind is set solely on hunting down the man who ruined her life.
> 
> 2 Chapters :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying my story and would love to know what you all think.
> 
> Thank you so much for any comments, feedback, kudos are all greatly appreciated and keep me eager to continue writing!! <3

At dawn, the farmhouse was just a smoking ruin of embers and charcoal. She probably should have gone to get more healing, but at least the potion stopped some of the bleeding. Belene was shivering in the cold morning air and teeth chattering with the fire gone, but she just couldn't bring herself to leave her home, leaving Inga and Alof alone, dead. Nothing left for her even to bury. Their bodies were mixed with the ashes of her old home. 

She found herself weeping in her hands again, unable to stop. She loved them so much, and to lose them over a theft was too much to bear. 

_If Gaius had demanded me to give him everything we owned just so they would live, I would have done so in a heartbeat, even the rape._

But Gaius was greedy and selfish and took everything she had other than her bow and quiver that were given to her all those years ago on her 1st Found Day. 

Unsteadily, she stood up to leave. She was so weak and shaky from her assault and emotional pain as she slowly walked away, holding her stomach and slightly limping. She turned back for the last time to look at the ruin that had been her home for the past eight years, and knowing she would never see her home and family again nearly caused her to fall with grief, but pushed on she did. 

********** 

She shuffled and stumbled through the woods until she finally reached Falkreath. The only place where she actually knew someone that could possibly help her. 

As she walked through town, all those people who knew her now just stared at her. They watched the blind girl covered in blood, ash, dirt, and soot weakly walk through town in only her shift and a pair of boots. No one stopped to help her or ask if she was alright. No one cared. 

It made her weep so much more with flashbacks from when she was a child—the days before Inga and Alof. She had forgotten how little people cared, or couldn't be bothered to help someone else in need and desperation. She just hoped that Indara and Mathies would help her at the farm. They were the only ones she really knew who might actually help her and not turn her away. 

Indara and Mathies recently lost their own daughter to a werewolf. He just slaughtered her for no reason other than her being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Belene had known their daughter, who was only a couple of years younger, so she tried to visit them as often as she could whenever she came into town and would offer them any kind of support they needed. Now she was the one who needed them.

She knocked on their door, hoping they were home. Her knock was weak, so she tried it a bit harder the second time. When Mathies opened the door, she fell into him from exhaustion and blood loss as he caught her under her arms. 

"Indara! Come quick!" 

Mathies lifted the girl up and carried her to their daughter's old room and laid her down on the bed. 

Indara rushed in with her hands over her mouth in shock as Mathies ran out to get the healer. 

"Oh, Gods! What happened to her!!" 

Indara kneeled down, trying to shake the girl awake. "Belene...Belene! Can you hear me? What happened, honey!" 

But all Belene could do was moan. She had lost too much blood and was almost passed out from exhaustion, pain, and grief. 

********** 

It was dark when she awoke. She wasn't in as much pain as she touched her body, feeling the bandages wrapped around her breasts and stomach. Memories started flooding back as she became more lucid. Covering her face in her hands, she cried as the memories quickly reached her mind as if she were slapped. 

_Why did this have to happen!_

She just couldn't wrap her mind around the reasoning behind what befell her and her family. They were kind and loving people who deserved a long and happy life, not to be slaughtered for no reason other than for material things. 

Indara had been sitting in a chair in her daughter's old room watching over Belene. It was a room she had not been able to bring herself to be in since her death, dealing with her own grief—until Belene came to their door that morning. The young lady needed their help and they were willing to provide it. She knew her daughter would want Belene to use her room to heal in. 

Indara drew a chair close to the bed, sat down again, and grabbed Belene's hand. 

"How are you, honey?" she whispered, knowing she wasn't doing well at all but felt the need to ask anyway—to let her know she was there for the girl. 

Belene could only cry. It was so painful. Indara waited patiently until the girl finally settled down, rubbing her head gently with her hand. 

"The...they are dead! He killed them and raped me and burned our house down!" Belene curled up fetally on the bed and just sobbed, barely able to breathe—hiccupping, still scarcely able to grasp what had happened. 

Indara rubbed a hand against the girl's back. "Oh, honey! I...I can't believe it! Who would do such a thing?! Who?!" Indara couldn't believe it as tears welled up in her own eyes. Inga and Alof dead? Belene raped? 

"Th...that, MAN! That man I was talking to that day you saw me. He used me, flattered me, kissed me, and killed them!!! It was all my fault. I let him flatter me, and I brought him home for dinner to meet my family! I was flattered and liked to be kissed, and now they are dead!" 

"Oh no, honey, it's not your fault...it’s his! He is a scoundrel and a murderer!" 

"He stole my virginity because killing and stealing from the house wasn't enough! Then he tried to kill me too. He left me bleeding in the house to burn with my family! But I got out. I managed to get out before I burned, and now I wish I were dead too!" 

Indara was having a hard time trying to still her own tears as the death of her daughter was still very much raw and now with the loss of friends. Then thinking about what Belene had gone through—too much pain. 

Mathies was in the doorway quietly, listening to everything. When he saw his wife in tears, he went to stand behind her and rubbed her shoulders tenderly. 

"We should report this to the Jarl. Maybe he can do something about this," he said. 

"What does it matter? If they can even capture him, then what? He sits in jail? What kind of punishment is that? If they hang him or take his head, then where is MY justice?" She suddenly found herself very angry at the thought. 

"One thing I know for certain is that I will kill Gaius! He's as good as dead! I stabbed him several times when he was raping me, but I doubt he died, but he will pay for this!" 

Indara tried to hold the angry girl's hand to calm her. "Belene, revenge won't make you feel better. It will only make you more angry and lead you down a very dark path. It won't bring them back, honey." 

"I know it won't bring them back...nothing will. But my feelings have nothing to do with this. It will be justice by _my_ hands! I don't care how it makes me feel in the end, as long as he's dead!" 

Belene laid back down, sobbing again. The pain was too much to bear. Her heart was wholly and utterly broken, knowing her life will never be the same. 

_Why does this world have to be so cruel!_

Indara looked back at her husband with worry in her eyes. They lost their own daughter, but they relied on prayer to deal with their pain. They were afraid Belene would start down a very dark path. A path she may not be able to turn back from. 

"Belene, honey...in the morning, why don't you come to the temple with us? Talk to Runil. He will help you find peace. Would you do that? Come with us? He helped us find peace when we lost Lavinia. He helped us let go of our anger. _'Revenge is always hungry'_ *, Runil explained once to us." 

Belene wiped her nose ungraciously, painfully sitting up. "Can...can I borrow some coins? I need some clothes as I lost everything in the fire." 

"Of course, honey. So do I take that as a yes?" 

"Alright." 

Mathies left the room and came back shortly after with some coin for Belene so she could buy some clothes in the morning. 

"Thank you both so much for your kindness. It means more than you will ever know." 

"It's our pleasure, honey. You're such a good girl. I'm so very sorry for your loss." 

"I...I think I need some sleep now." 

"OK, honey. Please let us know if you need anything at all." 

As Belene laid back down, Indara and Mathies left the room and shut the door behind them. She waited for about an hour until she knew they were asleep. She quietly dug around the wardrobe for some of Lavina's old clothes. The girl had been a bit bigger than Belene despite her being a bit younger, but it was better than her bloodied shift. 

She lied to them when she said she needed coin for clothes. Instead, she wanted to use the coin for armor. She grabbed her bow and quiver, climbed out the window and jumped to the ground, rolling silently. She felt guilty for taking their money and daughter's clothes, then leaving the way she was. They were good people who also knew what it was like to lose someone close. 

_But I refuse to pray away my pain. I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him. I don't care how long it takes me._

She thought about calling on the Dark Brotherhood. She had heard stories about creating some shrine, and they would kill someone, no questions asked. But if she did that, then she would lose the satisfaction of killing Gaius by her hands. 

_No, I must do this on my own._

Her tears stopped as her sadness gave way to anger and revenge. She would need it to keep her going. 

********** 

The next morning she reached Riverwood and went straight to the smith to buy some armor pieces. She couldn't afford anything nice and bought leftover pieces that mismatched, but would serve their purpose. 

While she waited for her armor to be tailored to fit her, she went to the inn to buy some food. She didn't have enough for a room to stay in, but at least she could be fed for a couple of days, choosing to sleep outside. 

As she entered the inn and bought some food from the Inn's Merchant, Ognar, she asked if he knew of any bandit camps close by. He shook his head no. 

"You can always talk to the Jarl of Whiterun. I'm sure they are always looking for people to take care of the bandits."

She thanked him and sat down to eat her small meal. 

The weather had been warm that day, so she just slept outside until her armor was ready. She found an empty stable with hay and laid there on her back, resting her head on her folded arms and tried to formulate some sort of plan. 

_I need coin, that much was for certain, but I don’t want to work in a town that will tie me down._

No, she would have to explore ruins, hunt bandits and steal what she needed. She curled up in a fetal position and wept again for her loss before finally falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Belene spends years hunting down Gaius until one fateful day when everything changed.
> 
> * A Danish proverb


	6. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending years tracking down Gaius and starts to question her motivation. Then Belene finds herself being saved by someone unexpected.
> 
> 2 Chapters today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I would love to hear what you all think...your comments and opinions keep me eagerly learning and writing!
> 
> Thank you for comments!! They mean so much!!

_Five years later._

Belene had been tracking them for a couple of weeks now—watched their movements, keeping an eye out where they guarded their camp, times they switched lookouts, counted how many were coming and going, and such. She knew most of the bandits were inside the cave behind the wooden walls. This particular bandit camp was larger than most, with more bandits than she usually dealt with, so she had to be extra cautious, though she was confident she wouldn't have any serious problems. 

She was perched high up in a tree and found a perfect place to roost between branches. She rested her feet up on a branch and ate some dried meat as she watched and waited. While feeling the tree sway and listening to the wind, she looked back on the years and wondered how many bandit camps she had taken out—she had lost count. It had been many. There was certainly no shortage of bandits in Skyrim.

 _Skyrim is getting inundated with bandits_.

For every bandit camp, she cleared out a new one would appear. Others would find that frustrating, but her goal wasn't to rid Skyrim of bandits; it was to find the man who destroyed her life. 

Despite how many bandits she killed, there were no signs of Gaius. She threatened, pressured, bribed, sweet-talked, even tortured to get information out of bandit leaders to no avail. No one knew who Gaius was. 

All she had was his name, but surely he was smart enough to change it if he went into hiding. She had no idea what he looked like though. Inga told her once he had brown hair and kind brown eyes, like half of the people in Skyrim. She only knew the sound of his smooth voice, still haunting her memories and nightmares—a voice she would never forget. She was starting to give up hope of ever finding him again. Maybe he was dead. 

_No, that man is too evil to be dead. Surely the Gods wouldn't take him from me; deny me my revenge. Or maybe they would. They hadn't been kind to me thus far, giving me just a tiny taste of happiness._

It was time. Belene jumped down from her tree, hung up her fur wrap to keep blood off of it, and started firing her arrows in rapid succession, killing the bandits quickly. She had become so exceptional at archery that she could usually kill with headshots. As she entered inside the camp, some red orc shaped blob jumped out on her right as she ducked his blow and quickly pulled out her dagger to slice his throat open. A female bandit was coming straight for her as she threw her dagger at her head, hitting her right between the eyes. 

Belene placed her foot on the dead female bandit and yanked the dagger out of the woman's skull, wiping blood on the bandit's pants and headed into the mine. 

It took a couple of hours to clear out the cave of bandits, and she looted whatever she could carry to sell later on. She had to keep coin in her pocket to keep up the hunt. The bandits didn't generally have a lot to steal, but it was enough to keep her fed and clothed, on top of whatever the Jarls wanted to pay her in return for helping to clear out their holds of bandits.

Belene just lived outdoors in a tent, so she could quickly pack up and move on during her hunt for Gaius. 

She made her way back to her camp and removed her armor. Heading to the creek, she carried her leathers to wash away the blood from them, her tunic, and her skin. She killed so many that day, she was covered in it. She could smell the copper scent as it penetrated her nostrils and felt the sticky coagulated mess covering her body. The smell used to nauseate her, now it was just a part of life. 

The water was frigid, sending goosebumps across her skin and made her shiver, but she endured as she inspected her skin with her hands to see where she needed any healing. Her body was covered in so many scars. She had scars from her fall to scars from Gaius. There were also scars from all the fights with bandits over the years as they managed to injure her once in a while. She had inspected every single scar on her body and knew each one by touch. 

Her thoughts then drifted to her being alone for so long—five long years. Every once in a while, she would feel desperately lonely. The need for companionship or just to be touched could be overwhelming sometimes, but she would shut it down—it interfered with her mission. Plus, no one would want a scarred and blind elf anyway.

She hadn't laid with a man after her rape. It wasn't just the fear, though that was a large part of it, but an insecurity as well. She splashed cold water on her face to wash away the tears that had formed from feeling so alone as she went to grab her leather armor to clean off the blood. 

After she laid out her clothes and armor to dry, she spent time restringing her bow and fletched some arrows with some hawk feathers she had found in a nest high up in a tree. When she was done, she laid down in her tent and fell asleep in front of the fire naked in her bedroll after making plans for the next bandit attack. 

********** 

_"You are so beautiful," he whispered in her ear. He then leaned into her and kissed her soft lips._

_She cried, tears pooling down her face. "Then why did you cut me?!"_

_He roughly grabbed her hair on the back of the head. "So, no one will have you or want you, stupid girl!"_

_He killed her parents as she watched helplessly, unable to reach them in time to save them. When she screamed and cried, he backhanded her hard across the face. She fell the ground as he jumped on top of her, raping her over and over. She tried to fight him off, but he was too strong, and it made him angrier as he pulled out his dagger to cut her...blood was everywhere…_

She woke up with a start, though no longer afraid as she used to be. It was the same nightmare she had over and over for years. It never ended—it was expected. She hoped it would finally end the day she killed Gaius. 

********** 

After selling her wares in Ivarstead, she trekked towards the next bandit camp. Part of her mind was so tired of fighting the bandits. For five years, her life had been running almost mindlessly and habitually—hunt and kill, hunt and kill. The Jarls were undoubtedly appreciative, but mentally and emotionally, she was exhausted. Nothing ever changed, and it never yielded any information on Gaius. 

_Why do I keep doing this again?_

Whenever she questioned her motivation, she would imagine Inga's and Alof's dead faces in her mind. It would renew her fury. It had been a long time, but her pain had not lessened much, with her always having strong emotions. They were the only two people she had ever loved, and they loved her in return. She used the rage of Gaius to push away her grief for her family, forcing her to not face or deal with the loss in a healthy way. She knew this in the back of her mind, and when those slivers of doubt crept into her thoughts, she would shut it down and let her rage fester. 

_‘Revenge is always hungry_ …’

It was a cold and brisk morning, and she knew there was a chance of a snow storm as she was hiking through the Rift towards the next bandit camp. She could feel it in her aches and pains through her body as she tried not to limp. Her feet were starting to get very sore in the frosty and dewy morning—the light from Magnus not bringing much in the way of warmth. 

Belene's thoughts were too distracted with her past and pains in her body that she missed the bear trap lying before her, hidden by leaves. Not that she would have seen it, but she knew better when traipsing in the woods as she was. She knew she was supposed to pay careful attention and stay closer to the roads, and she just paid for her carelessness.

The cold metal jaws snapped painfully on her ankle, causing her to scream and fall. The jaws were sharply serrated, as they sliced through the leather of her boots, making her quickly bleed out. She was out of healing potion from the last bandit fight, her second mistake--not purchasing more. 

She struggled and failed at prying the metal jaws open. She didn't know how. Tears from pain were streaming down her face as she instinctively held her breath. Scrambling for her dagger off of her belt, she tried to wedge it between her and the jaws, but all it succeeded in doing was to cause more pain as she screamed, almost passing out.

 _How do I open this?! So much pain!_

She thought maybe she could hop on one foot somewhere there were people to see it could be removed, but as she stood up, a terrible pain shot through her leg as the trap was connected to a tree and pulled her back down to the ground. Almost passing out again, she lay there panting for a moment to let the added pain subside, ankle throbbing. She felt around and unhooked the chain from the tree. With no other choice, she dragged her body, leg dangling in pain crossed over her other leg, to seek help. She couldn't just sit there forever—she had to do something. 

********** 

Nightfall arrived as the temperatures were bordering on freezing when she could hear wolves close by. She had dragged her tender body close to a mile. They probably smelled the blood trail she was leaving behind. Cursing her misfortune, she pulled out her bow, nocked an arrow in the string, and waited silently for the wolves to appear, hoping she could take them out before they tore into her. She tried not to shake from cold and fear, but she had been terrified of dogs and wolves since she was a child, always giving them a wide berth unless she had no other choice but to face them. 

She saw a couple appear in front of her, but she knew where there was one or two, more would soon follow out of her sight, always traveling in packs, and working as a team to trap their prey. Belene's heart was beating fast as was her breathing, coming out of her mouth in white plumes from the cold and trying to look around the landscape before her and behind her as she could hear their howls in the night. 

She could see them and smell them, yellow bodies in the shapes of wolves headed her way, sniffing the ground where she bled—looking for a tasty morsel. She didn't even give them a chance to get close to her as she started firing her arrows, killing them. Three down, but she could see more coming. She couldn't turn around very well and hoped none were behind her, but she knew there would be. There was at least one that always came from behind. 

One wolf approached on her right as she quickly shot it and another on her left, dispatching that one as well. Her ears twitched as her sensitive hearing could tell one was approaching her from behind, confirming what she knew to be true. She pulled out her dagger for when it attacked her as she couldn't shoot from behind. Before it could bite her, she heard the ever-familiar _thwap_ sound of a bow and arrow and the spongy, meaty sound as the arrow entered the animal. The wolf lay dead much too close to her. If whoever fired that arrow had missed, she would be the one dead. 

Looking around quickly with her bow ready to shoot, she was not only worried about wolves but now bandits and thugs. 

"You can put your bow down. I'm not going to hurt you," the man assured her gently. His baritone voice clearly sounded Nordic. 

"That has yet to be seen," she retorted, now knowing his voice was coming from behind her. 

She tried to turn around to face him—too quickly. She screamed out in pain from the sharp movement of her ankle as the trap pulled at her flesh, causing her to suddenly pass out from the pain, exhaustion, and blood loss. 

********** 

She woke to Mundus shining in her eyes. She felt so very warm—too warm for someone who was supposed to be camping outside and being perpetually cold for the last five years. She was never able to get sufficiently warm living out in the cold climate of Skyrim. As she woke up further, she felt this heaviness around her waist. Exploring around with her hand, she found a hairy and masculine arm draped over her and hot breath at the nape of her neck. 

_What in Nirn…Where did he come from?_

She tried to move him off of her when her ankle suddenly shot with pain, sending waves of memory through her mind. The bear trap, wolves, the man—the man, she thought as it suddenly dawned on her who the hot body was by her side. This must have been the man who killed the wolf. She tried again to move his meaty and muscular arm off of her, none too gentle this time. 

_What is his arm made out of? Steel?_

She managed to free herself as she stood up off the bed. The man finally stirred awake with her movements and sat up, looking at her groggily, yawning, and wiping away the sleep from his eyes 

"How does your ankle feel this morning?"

She turned around towards the sound of his voice, unsure if she could trust him or not and wondered why in Oblivion he had been pressed against her in sleep. Her clothes were on, so it didn’t appear she was raped. She had been alone for so long, she couldn't tell anymore who was safe or not. 

Belene's ankle was still killing her as well as she favored it while standing, but so was the rest of her body. 

_It must be snowing because my feet, legs, and arms are arthritic like they always are when there is a lot of moisture in the air._

She slowly reached around to pull out her dagger from her belt to have ready, just in case, only to find her sheath empty. 

When she turned around to stare at him, he was stunned for a moment. She was blind! He had no way of knowing last night in the dark with her passed out. 

_How did she manage to kill all those wolves,_ he wondered in fascination. 

"Why are you groping me, and where is my dagger?! Who the fuck do you think you are touching me like that?!"

He hadn't considered how she would react with him sleeping against her. His only concern at the time was getting her warm. 

"Yes, I'm sorry about that. A storm blew in last night, and you were shivering something awful I'm surprised it didn't wake you up. I couldn't get you warm, so I curled into bed with you with my body heat. Nothing sexual...I promise." 

He could see she was looking for her weapons. "You're weapons are over there on the table. I figured you would be more comfortable without having weapons digging in you while you slept."

"You were just trying to keep me warm?"

"Aye... that's it. Again, how's the ankle?"

Deciding he was being honest with her, she finally answered him. "It hurts like Oblivion, but I guess I should thank you for releasing me?" 

He got out of bed and she could hear him rummaging around for something. He handed her a health potion. When she didn't grab it, he tried to grab her hand to place the bottle in it, but she yanked her hand back, not wanting to be touched by this stranger. 

"Here take this. It's a healing potion. It will help." 

"Oh…." 

"Aye, I released you. It was my trap after all.” 

He suddenly gave a chuckle. “I thought I caught something big with the long blood trail I tracked for nearly a mile, but imagine my surprise when I saw I caught a Bosmer! It's not every day I catch an elf! Wait until I tell the story...no one's ever going to believe me!" He said as he guffawed, slapping his thigh. 

Apparently, she didn't find his comment very humorous as he watched her drink down the potion and feel around on the ground for her boots. When she found them, a look of disgust appeared on her face as she felt one of her boots was virtually destroyed and sticky with blood. 

"Well, thanks for the help, but I gotta go." 

"Not in this snow you aren't, unless you plan on drowning in it. As I said, a big storm blew in, and it's still snowing heavily out there. I have seen storms like this before and I can tell you, it will last at least three days. It was lucky I found you when I did. If the wolves didn't kill you, the storm surely would have. So, I suggest you make yourself at home while I make us some breakfast. Sound good?!" 

She didn't doubt what he said as the pain in her body confirmed the truth. Regardless, she eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you being so nice and helpful?" 

"Shouldn't I be?" 

The question caught her off guard. She was expecting more of a defensive response.

"I...uhm…" 

"Look, you were hurt...in my trap, no less. It's no big deal." 

She wasn't used to this and didn't know what else to say as she watched his sizeable orange form make breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Belene and Helvar get to know one another while snowed in and stuck with each other.


	7. The Hunter and The Huntress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While being forced together through the snowstorm, Helvar tries to coax Belene to talk and get to know her. She's reluctant, but his kindness starts winning her over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and comments mean everything! I appreciate it so much! Your comments keep me eagerly striving to write better <3
> 
> 2 chapters

After eating and several hours of silence, he got tired of being patient waiting for her to talk. There was someone finally in his house to talk to, and she was quieter than a whisper. She had just been sitting there on his bed, looking towards the window as if she could wish away the snowstorm. 

"I'm Helvar, by the way. I'm a hunter in these parts." 

"Uhm...Belene." 

"We are going to be here for a while, 'Uhmbelene,' so I wouldn't mind getting to know you a bit." He tried to make light of their situation making a jest with her name to get her to talk to him. He knew it was a bad joke, but he had to try something. She didn't even smirk. 

_Tough crowd!_

"It's just Belene. Why?" 

He shrugged, quickly realizing she couldn't see him do so. "Or not...suit yourself, 'Justbelene.' I just don't get to talk to too many people living up here as a lone hunter in the middle of nowhere. I enjoy a good conversation sometimes. You don't want to talk, then that is fine as well. I'm not going to force it out of you." 

He had his back to her, stirring his pot to get their next meal ready, adding some wild herbs he found, mushrooms, and some rabbit. The smell was making her mouth water. It smelled different from when Inga cooked, but it reminded her of home. She pushed the thoughts aside before she got all weepy in front of the man. 

"I don't have much in the way of vegetables, so sorry about that...or are you one of those carnivore-type Bosmer? I'm a hunter and not much of a gardener, but I try to make do with wild herbs and mushrooms I find in the woods. It's usually not too bad." Helvar started chuckling again. "Well, it won't kill you, at least, haha...I'm still alive anyway." 

He was the most jovial and easy-going loner hunter she had ever met. Almost every word he said was filled with enthusiastic inflections. It seemed odd for a loner and made her suspicious. Of course, everyone made her suspicious. She had lost trust for most people since Gaius came into her life and destroyed it. 

"No, I'm not one of those types of Bosmer. I grew up as a Nord. You are awfully talkative for someone who makes his career out of being alone," she deflected in order to change the subject away from her. 

"Well, as I said, I don't get too many visitors. When I do, I like to talk and have good conversations. When I go to town to sell my pelts and meat, I try to hang around and get to know the people. It can get quite lonely sometimes. A good conversation makes things more interesting than silence, no?" 

She couldn't argue with that, though she had been silent for most of the day, not knowing what to talk about with this jovial man. He seemed to make more than enough conversation for both of them. She sat on his bed and pulled her feet up so she could rub them. They were aching terribly, not to mention the pain in her swollen ankle. 

Helvar turned around from his stirring to look at her since she didn't respond to his question. He saw her kneading her feet with a grimace on her face from the pain. 

"I know you don't want to talk, but would you mind telling me what happened to your poor feet? They look like they were used as a chew toy by a couple of Skeever." He then frowned in seriousness. "I'm sure the moisture in the air makes them ache to Oblivion." 

She was quiet for so long, he wondered if she was going to answer him or even talk at all. She seemed to be a very anxious and guarded woman, but he knew deep internal pain when he saw it. 

_Something horrible happened to this woman._

"It...it happened when I was a little girl." 

He was quiet, looking at her, waiting for her to continue as the stew simmered over the fire. He was unsure if she was going to explain further as she went silent again. She was looking far off as if she could reach out and touch a distant memory. 

"I stole some shoes, clothes, and food when I was about ten years old. I had been all alone since I was about five after my parents died. So, I had to rely on thievery to get by and not starve to death as the guards in the towns never let me beg for coin. They hunted me with their dogs. I had to run through the woods a long way barefoot, which was what damaged my feet. One of the dogs caught up to me by a steep ravine and jumped me then we both fell into the rapids. I lost my sight in the fall when I hit my head on some boulders. I...I was found by…" 

He could see tears spring up into her eyes, and her lip quivered as she looked away again, not wanting him to see. 

"Hey, I can clearly see this pains you. Stop. Don't say anymore. I'm sorry. Sorry that it happened to you and I'm very sorry I asked you and apologize for the Skeever joke...wow, those are a lot of apologies, haha. Let me remove my foot out of my mouth ha! Seriously, that was tactless, and I didn't mean to cause you pain. Really." 

She nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, but was quiet again. 

_Even after all these years and I'm still not over it. How can I move on if I can't get past the pain?_

"Foods ready! You hungry?" 

"Famished, actually," she sighed in response as she wiped the remaining tears off of her face, grateful for a change of subject. The aroma of the stew filled the small cabin making her mouth water and her stomach rumble. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a home-cooked meal. 

"Excellent! Food has a wonderful way of making one feel better. _'One cannot think well, love well and sleep well if one has not dined well.'_ ***** That is what my mother used to say anyway. She’s the one who taught me to cook. 

She smiled and nodded slightly at that, remembering her own happiness cooking and eating with Inga and Alof, knowing the truth of his words. He guided her to where his table was so she could sit and eat. He put before her a wooden bowl full of rabbit stew with some crusty bread. She took a bite of his rabbit stew—it was so delicious. The stew was different from what Inga made but just as tasty with all the herbs, and it was more robust with the mushrooms. 

"Oh my, this is delicious! You are very good at cooking." 

"I try! I try! I aim to please, milady." Pleased she liked his cooking. 

She smiled a little at his joviality. He wasn’t wrong. There was something to be said eating good food to make one feel better. 

_There it is! Even if it is small. I knew the food would make her feel a bit better. It always does_. 

"See! I _knew_ my food would put a smile on your face, even as small as it is!" He laughed and gently patted her on the shoulder. 

Sitting down with her at the table, he watched her eat and savor every bite in her bowl and use her bread to mop up the remaining broth. He knew she liked it because she had a smile on her face with every bite. Despite her hair, a tangled mess and covered in dirt and blood—behind all that she really was quite lovely, especially when she smiled. He didn't really spend a lot of time with women being alone in the middle of nowhere, but he found her quite beautiful with all her freckles and almost white hair. He was curious as to what her eyes looked like before her accident. _Probably just as beautiful as the rest of her_. He imagined them being a bright green color... 

She looked up from eating as she could sense him staring at her. "What?" 

"What, what?" 

She sighed in slight annoyance. "Why are you staring at me?" 

"Oh! That, yes, well... I'm curious…," he blurted in surprise. 

"About?" 

He quickly tried to come up with an excuse as to why he was staring at her so intently.

"Well, you are clearly blind...nothing like stating the obvious haha, so how do you move so freely and hunt so well? I watched you take out those wolves. As a hunter, it takes a lot to impress me, but you are better than most, even _with_ vision." 

She learned long ago to not put a lot of stock in flattery—to be careful with it. It was usually a form of manipulation based on her own personal experience. 

He could see she narrowed her eyes in suspicion... _interesting_. 

Despite her suspicions, she mulled over whether she should tell him or not and concluding it wouldn't matter one way or the other.

"I don't see just blackness or a bit of light. I see objects and colors. I have trained myself to differentiate objects from each other based on their shape and color. People and animals, for example, are more warm colors where objects are cooler colors. I can see a wolf shape for what it is, just like rabbits or bears. I'm not blind in the real sense of the word. It's almost like I can see the heat coming off of living things for lack of a better description. 

But I can't see your face. I can't see the nuances of facial expressions or what someone is wearing. I can tell some moods based on what I hear, feel and smell but not see them. I...uhm, the closest I can tell what someone looks like is to touch them with my fingertips, though that isn't exactly the best indicator either, and not something I really do anyway." 

She didn't mean to tell him that much, but it was hard not to. He was such an easy-going person—easily likable. 

_Stop Belene. If he is too easily likable, be wary_. 

"That...that's phenomenal! I have no doubt you would rather have regular vision like the rest of us, but still... What you can see and do truly is amazing. I would love to have senses like yours. I would certainly be a rich hunter if I did!" He chuckled at that. "Seriously, I'm impressed." 

"Yes, everyone is impressed. He was impressed too…" 

That gave Helvar pause as he raised an eyebrow... _'he was impressed too?_ ' 

"Care to elaborate?" 

"No, I...I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out. You...you are very...uhm...easy to talk to. That is...dangerous." She quickly looked away to hide her surprise at herself for being so open with him. 

"It's dangerous to talk to me because I'm easy to talk to?" 

"Yes." 

"I see...well...no. No, I don't see." 

_Shut up, Belene! You don't know if you can trust him!_

"I'm...uhm really tired now." It was only in the late afternoon, and she _was_ exhausted, but she didn't want to talk anymore either. 

"Oh, OK. Well, you take the bed and I will sleep on the floor later tonight here by the fire. Sound good?" 

"Yes." 

She got up from the table and laid down on his bead. After she was curled up in his bed, her back facing him, she finally spoke again before sleeping. 

"Helvar?" 

"Yes?" 

"Thank you." 

"My pleasure." 

He smiled at her back, knowing she couldn't see him, but he was glad to make her feel at least safe enough for that. 

**********

Belene woke the next morning with a heavy arm draped over her again. She sighed, realizing she must have been shivering again. She's no Nord, and Bosmer tend to get cold easily. She moved his arm and limped to the window, though not sure why. She couldn't see if it was still snowing or not. She just knew it wasn't sunny, and she was still aching. Regardless she was going to be stuck here for a bit longer. Looking back at the bed, she realized he was awake. 

"Before you say anything, I saw you were shivering something awful again. I could hear your teeth chattering all night and I couldn't sleep a wink! How do you still have teeth?!" he teased. "It's very, very cold outside, and I'm afraid my little home isn't the warmest. I'm a hunter and not much of a builder, apparently." 

She looked back at him, arms wrapped around her from the chill. "No, I...thank you. You are very kind." She was trying to be polite, but that didn't mean she trusted him yet. They were stuck together, after all.

He smiled at that. "Well, then, you are quite welcome! Ready for some breakfast? It’s just leftover rabbit stew if that is OK." 

"Yes. Please, thank you." 

After their breakfast, he went out to grab a bucket full of snow and dumped it in a pot to melt and heat up. Once it was warm enough but not too hot, he pulled it off the fire and set it aside. 

"Come, I have a cloth for you and some hot water so you can clean up if you wish. There is some soap and a comb. It's not a bath, but it's better than being covered in dirt and blood. The washbasin, I’m afraid, is outside and frozen over. But, I'm sure you would feel much better being a bit cleaner." 

"Oh, uhm, yes, that would be nice actually, but I'm really not comfortable stripping in front of you." 

"No worries, I promise to look away. I am a gentleman, after all!" 

"But, I wouldn't really be able to tell, though." 

"Can you at least _try_ to trust me, Belene? I promise you I wouldn't do that to you." 

She reluctantly agreed because she was tired of her bird's nest hair and smelling her own fifth. 

True to his word, he had his back to her the entire time as she cleaned up with warm water, feeling much better being somewhat clean and having the tangles all out of her hair. 

"Thank you, Helvar. I feel much better." There was something about feeling clean to make one feel more comfortable and the warm water helped a bit with her pain. 

"See, I am always right!" he laughed out. 

By the afternoon, she found herself starting to feel bad about her behavior towards him. He had been nothing but kind and patient with her. Helvar helped her when he didn't have to, and he didn't try to do anything other than keep her warm. He fed her, allowed her to bathe, and she had given nothing to him in return other than her silence and mistrust. 

_He’s even reading to me..._

She was curled up lying on his bed when she decided to talk to him finally. "Helvar?" 

"Hmmm?" he said while reading one of his books out loud to her to help pass the time. 

"So, why are you out here as a hunter in the middle of nowhere?"

He put down the book and looked up at her and just shrugged. S _he can't see you, idiot! Stop shrugging_. 

"Look, I am not anyone exciting or interesting. I grew up from a long line of hunters, and it's all I have ever known. We didn't venture out to ruins or fight in wars. We just hunted for food and sold pelts for coin. It can be boring sometimes, but I'm happy doing it. It's a simple life. I could certainly have had a much worse life!" 

She appeared lost in thought as he described his life. "Actually, it sounds rather wonderful." 

"Rough life?" 

He wasn't sure if she was going to answer him or not. She seemed to be very reluctant with sharing too much or talking at all for that matter. He didn't blame her really, she didn't know him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Belene finally opens up to Helvar about her story and realizes that having no contact with people had taken its toll on her over the years.
> 
> * Virginia Woolf quote


	8. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene finally tells Helvar her story and finds she feels suddenly drawn to him as she lets go of her mistrust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and commenting!! It means so very much! <3
> 
> 2 chapters

She was quiet for a long time. Belene had not really talked to anyone for many years except to haggle prices for finds or purchases. Now she found herself stuck with a strange and jovial man who made her feel comfortable for some reason. He didn’t pressure her, didn’t condescend her, didn’t ramble on about her beauty. He just...was. It brought her a sense of normality despite this unusual situation. 

“After I fell that fateful day, I nearly drowned when I washed to shore on the bank of a river. I thought I was going to die either from the fall or the cold…or both, but I was found by Alof and Inga. As I said, I was ten years old at the time, and they nursed me back to health. 

They couldn’t have any children of their own, and since I no longer had parents, they adopted me as one of their own. They taught me how to how to be self-sufficient and how to use a bow and hunt. I wouldn’t be where I am, surviving on my own today, if it were not for them. Life was blissfully quiet, peaceful, and full of love...not unlike your life.” 

“They sound like wonderful parents.”

For some reason, his simple words caused a sob to burst forth. She covered her face with her hands as it all came pouring out of her. Those few words made it feel raw all over again, even after all these years. “They were...” 

_Shit! How do I manage to keep making her cry?_

“Hey, shhh.” He went to sit by her, uncertain of what to do. He had been alone for a long time but knew enough that he should hold her or something but she was also very wary. So he met her halfway by putting a hand on her shoulder instead, hoping it was enough to let her know he was there for her without making her uncomfortable. 

“I assume something bad happened?” 

She nodded, still sobbing. “I...I don’t know why I am still crying over this. It’s been five years now! They...they were just the only people who ever loved me, well maybe my birth parents did, but I don’t remember them. They never treated me like I was a burden or a handicap. They treated my blindness as a benefit instead and had confidence that I could master it. I have lived life since then as they saw me and raised me. 

One day I met a man. He was so smooth. He knew all the right words and how to treat me to get the most reaction out of me in all my naivety. I had never been with a man before at all, not even a kiss, still being only 18 Winters and very innocent. He took advantage of that. I was so flattered—ignorant of his ways! Everything was my fault!” 

He closed his eyes, knowing she was going to tell him something terrible at the hands of this man.

“He...he had a gang of bandits, and they came to the farm one night to steal from us, but my Alof caught Gaius, that was his name, and they just killed him! But no, it wasn’t enough to steal from us and kill Alof! He...he… 

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me anymore...please. I can tell how much this pains you. Shhhhh.” 

“No, I’ve gone this far…” she sighed, trying to still her tears. 

“Gaius came to my room and beat me, then raped me a couple of times. He stole my virginity that night, and when Inga walked in, they killed her too.” 

Tears were just pooled down her face as she went on. 

“One of the other men went on to rape me too, but he was stupid and left his dagger on his belt. I managed to get loose to grab it and stabbed him to death, then I slit the throat of the one who was holding me. 

Gaius was left, and I didn’t know how to fight with a knife, only to throw them. But he did, as he tore through my body with his dagger. I managed to find my knife and stabbed him several times in his back as he was raping me again. He fled and burned the house down with me in it. I managed to escape, but my family…” 

She put her face in her hands again and wept. This was the first time she had ever told her story to someone in the past five years after leaving Indara and Mathies. The pain had not lessened much over the years.

“I...I have been hunting him for the past five years, unable to let go of all the pain and hate! I was headed to the next bandit camp when I got caught in your trap. And, well...you know the rest of the story.” 

This poor woman. He couldn’t even imagine what she went through. His life had been comfortable and peaceful in comparison. But he knew she needed more than just a pat on the shoulder right then. He draped his heavy arm around her and pulled her into him as she cried in his chest. It explained why she was so quiet and mistrustful. 

_No wonder she was so wary and afraid of me_. 

He held her and let her cry for a while. “I’m truly sorry for what you have gone through. I can’t even begin to imagine your pain and suffering.” 

As he was holding her, she felt his warmth course through her. His body was very warm pushing away the chill of the cabin, and she felt so comfortable right then—grateful he let her cry into him. He was so kind, and he had no reason to hold her or feel for her or even understand or care. But he did. He could have just as easily brushed her aside or left her to the wolves to die. It had been a long time since she came across anyone who cared. 

She wiped away her tears and nose and found herself snuggling into his warmth. She curled up her legs onto the bed and leaned into him as he rubbed her shoulder. She felt almost child-like due to their size difference, him being much taller and broader. There were no memories of being held or touched by anyone in a very long time. She didn’t realize until then how much she needed to be touched by someone else and how long she truly had been alone.

When she was calmer, she sat up to face him in order to thank him for his kindness. He looked down at her teary eyes, almost imagining she could see right through him. His eyes suddenly shot open wide in surprise as she unexpectedly planted her lips on his, but then just as quickly, closed them as he responded to her. She inserted her tongue awkwardly into his mouth with unfamiliarity, and he responded in kind, touching her face as they kissed. 

She pulled back all of a sudden, wide-eyed, her face and ears crimson red. “Oh Gods, what am I doing?! I’m...I’m so sorry. I...” 

_What am I doing?!_

When she went to stand to get away out of embarrassment and with nowhere to hide, he gently pulled her back by her arm where she ended up on his lap. Helvar wrapped an arm around her back, cradling her, and gently grasped her chin. He pulled her face close to his as he kissed her again. She didn’t pull away this time and just let it happen. He knew then she needed some tenderness and gentleness. She didn’t need a heated passion at that moment.

Belene hadn’t kissed anyone since Gaius, but kissing Helvar didn’t frighten her. It was strange and awkward, but he soon made it feel comfortable. She needed some sort of touch from someone else as it had been so very long. Feeling his soft lips on hers, she wanted more of him, accepting his tongue in her mouth willingly. He was so gentle holding her with his hand lightly touching her face. 

It had been a long while since he had kissed a woman, her mouth was so warm and her tongue delicate and soft. He ran a hand through her silky hair and enjoyed her soft lips not questioning how this all happened for he sadly already knew why, but he didn’t care for this is what she needed. 

He left her lips to plant delicate kisses on her chin and cheeks. Holding her face in one hand, he moved his light kisses down her neck as she closed her eyes, his beard lightly tickling her skin. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again on his lips, combining their tongues as one. 

“Come on. We should get some sleep...it’s getting late,” he whispered after he separated from her lips. Though pulling away from her was the last thing he wanted to do, it had to be done before things progressed too far.

Once she was snuggled in his bed, he got up to sleep on the floor by the fire, but she grabbed his hand and pulled him back on the bed.

“You are just going to end up back on the bed anyway, so you might as well stay.” 

He huffed out a little laugh at that and laid down on the bed, pulling her close and just held her knowing she was going to be cold again later. He wasn’t going to try anything more than the kiss they just shared. That was the last thing she needed. He knew she just needed a little closeness to help get past her sadness was all, and it seemed to help. 

She turned to face him and draped a leg over his and moved her arm around his waist, head tucked under his chin. She quickly fell asleep from emotional exhaustion and warm comfort. 

********** 

It was the third day of being snowed in, and this time he woke up before her. He could tell the snow had finally stopped with the light of Mundus streaming in. It would take a couple of more days for the snow to melt off, and then she would be leaving. He found himself slightly disappointed by the thought as he watched her sleep so peacefully, curled up in a tight ball in the furs. 

Last evening wasn’t always peaceful as she had a nightmare. She thrashed and cried, yelling for someone to stop. He just held her tightly until she settled down. He wasn’t surprised she would have them based on what she told him the day before. 

She had so many freckles he noted looking at her, never having seen so many on a person. But they were pretty on her—fit her face. Her ashen blonde hair fell slightly in her face as he brushed the strands of silk back. He couldn’t help but look back on their kiss last night as he watched her sleep. 

_No, I need to stop thinking about her like this. She’s not going to like me that way, and she’s going to leave soon anyway. She only kissed me because she was sad, and it made her feel better._

He knew the kiss was just something she needed, not from her wanting him. He didn’t have a lot of experience with women, but he knew that much. Women didn’t particularly like him very much as he wasn’t very handsome or youthful anymore being 37 Winters. Belene was way too beautiful for him. She deserved more than that. 

Belene woke up, sensing someone was watching her as she opened her eyes. She was facing Helvar in bed and smiled at him. _Gods, she has a beautiful smile with her little overbite_. She snuggled in closer to him, and he held her tighter as the natural response. 

But then he moved her away from him. He couldn’t get attached to her, especially if she was leaving soon. As he did, she moved her face closer to him to try and to kiss him, but missed his mouth and ended up kissing the beard on his chin. That made him smile a bit. She corrected herself and found his mouth, and kissed him again as he gave in to her. 

_No, stop, Helvar,_ he scolded himself _._

Pushing her back again, he looked at her furrowed brow wanting nothing more than to keep kissing this lovely mer. 

“Please stop, Belene. I know you feel you need this from everything you told me about what happened to you, but…” 

“But what?” 

“You will be leaving in a couple of days. The snow has stopped and...and I am finding I like you...a lot.” 

“I found I like you a lot too. I’m no rush. There are always bandits to kill later.” She gave him a big smile and leaned in again to kiss him. 

He smiled at her, pleased by her response, but pushed her back again, achingly wanting to give in to her. 

“Belene, you don’t want me.” He watched her confused face and brushed back some stray hairs. “You are so beautiful, and I...I’m, well, I’m not exactly the most handsome of men.” 

She still looked at him in confusion, brows furrowed as she processed what he was trying to tell her. “I don’t understand what you mean.” 

“Wouldn’t you be more interested in a man younger or more attractive?” 

She sat up in bed to face him, starting to understand what he was saying. 

“You know, people tell me all the time that I am beautiful. But I have no idea what that even means. I mean, I trust what they are saying, but I really have nothing to compare it to. I’m assuming I am pleasing to the eye, but I don’t even know what I look like.” 

That took Helvar aback a little. Not realizing the truth of her words. It was easy to forget she couldn’t see. 

“You tell me you are not handsome, but I don’t know what that even means either because I don’t know what you look like or have seen other men to compare it to except when I was a little girl. All I see is an orange blob in the shape of a large man. I can tell you are tall and muscular by touching your arms, and I find _that_ attractive. I like your beard a lot. It was the first time I have ever felt one, but I have found it quite pleasing and I want to laugh when it goes up my nose sometimes. But for me, the most attractive thing is how you are as a man.” 

He didn’t know what to say to that as he looked away, thinking on her words. 

“If you would allow me, I would like to touch you. I don’t do this normally. It’s a bit strange, but I would like to experience how you feel to me. Can I do that?” 

He nodded, _dammit_ , then corrected himself. “Yes, OK. If it helps, my hair is dark brown, and I have dark blue eyes.” 

She nodded and smiled. “Sit up, please.” 

He did as he was told, looking at her curiously to see what it was she was going to do precisely. 

She reached out to the orange shape of his head and delicately ran her fingers through his long hair, which was surprisingly soft with delicate waves she twirled a bit around her fingers. She didn’t go into the details of his face—no one wanted their eyes and nose poked and prodded, and just delicately touched his skin and ran her fingers down his cheeks to his beard, down his throat to his bare chest, feeling the muscles and soft yet coarse curly hairs. Then she grabbed his hand and laced her fingers with his calloused ones—strong hands of a hunter. 

It was one of the most intimate things he had done with a woman, and it didn’t even involve sex. He sat silently, wondering what she thought, though with some slight apprehension. He found himself wishing she found him attractive enough to stay with him for a while. 

“Well, you have wonderfully soft hair that I know I will love running my fingers through. Your skin is also surprisingly soft for being outdoors a lot...I liked touching it. You have wonderful soft lips, which I already know from kissing you. I really liked what I felt Helvar. You are funny and smart and easy-going, and kind...you saved my life. I personally find you very attractive.”

Helvar looked at her for a second, then dove for face, grabbing her tightly to her surprise and kissed her. She melted into him and kissed him in return. 

When they came up for air, she had to talk to him about something important, uncertain how far they would take this. 

“Helvar?” 

“Yes?” he asked, brushing away more hair out of her face and planted light kisses along her cheeks and chin. 

“There is something you should know about me…” 

He stopped what he was doing to look at her, curious to hear what she had to say. “What is it? You can tell me anything.” 

She nodded appreciatively. “That day I was uhm, raped is the only time I have ever been with a man. I have never wanted to be intimate after that, plus I was so busy hunting down Gaius. I hadn’t wanted a man, well been afraid to...that is, until now.”

She reached a hand out to his face and cupped his cheek.

“I am uncertain what it is about you, especially after such a short time, but I feel...safe for the first time in so very long.” 

He touched her hand that was caressing his face. “That is OK. We don’t have to do anything at all if that is your wish. Come, let’s eat some breakfast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the snows melt away, instead of leaving, things get...heated and not from Mundus ;)


	9. Missing Link

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene and Helvar get to know each other on a deeper level. It's the first time since she has been with a man since Gaius and we all know how that turned out.
> 
> Yeah, this chapter is pretty much entirely NSFW lol...it's a sweet kind of NSFW, not the raunchy kind ;).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and commenting, even if it's constructive. Your support and comments keep me encouraged and eager to write better, so it means a lot. <3
> 
> Again, NSFW

Several days later, the snows were long melted, and Belene, with an almost healed ankle, could now move on. But as she laid next to Helvar and his very warm body, she didn't want to. For the first time in five years, she found someone she wanted to be with. He was a simple, easy-going, good sense of humor, kind and patient. All the very things she needed in her life. She hadn't known him for very long, but he completed her in ways she had no idea she wanted or needed. 

They still had not been intimate, for she was still afraid. But Helvar was patient and never went beyond kissing her, respecting her boundaries. Helvar had been quite content just to be with her. Lying in bed with him, she could hear Inga's words in her head from years ago… 

_"If he likes you, he will wait until you are ready."_

He was still sleeping as she ran her fingers delicately through his hairy chest and lightly traveled along his arm. Belene could feel his skin rise as it gave way to goosebumps and she knew he had awakened as she could hear his breathing change, but she didn't stop touching him as she moved her hand up to gently touch his face. 

Her touches were so light, it sent shivers through him, but it was pleasant as he watched her explore his body with her fingers. He reached out and touched her face in kind, feeling her soft skin under his fingertips. He wondered which God dropped her in his trap for him to find, perhaps Dibella, for he wanted to thank them. He didn't want her hurt, but he would never have found her otherwise. 

As her hand traveled, she moved the fur cover off of him, feeling his muscular thighs through the cloth breeches he was wearing—they were solid like steel. Her touches were making him hard as he closed his eyes, trying to control it to no avail. Something so simple as her delicate touches could make him feel so strongly was surprising to him—they always felt so intimate. 

She boldly moved her hand between his legs and opened her eyes wide as she could feel his hardness, making him even harder. He expected her to withdraw her hand quickly, but she didn't. She kept it there, touching him, outlining around it with her fingers and feeling his solid warmth. It made him breathe faster as he quietly moaned, blushing for letting the desperate sound cross his lips. This made her smile a bit and blush heavily, knowing she gave him a strong reaction like that. 

He moved his own hand and gently pulled her tunic off her shoulder, seeing freckles there too along with some scars. He leaned over to her and lightly kissed her shoulder. Her breath hitched when he moved his mouth to her neck, planting light kisses there as he reached around, holding the back of her head and felt her silky hair through his fingers. He returned back to her lips, and she pressed her body closer to his, wrapping her leg around his waist. 

Slowly he moved his hand down from her shoulder to the tops of her breasts, making her breathe faster and she arched her back as he trailed kisses down her throat to her cleavage, kissing her soft and scarred skin. 

Slowly, he boldly pulled back her tunic, exposing a breast. He tried not to gasp, but she sensed his slight hesitation. She had horrible scarring on her breasts. There were long slash marks that must have been deep for the scars were thick. Helvar wasn’t the type to get angry easily, but he was enraged at the man who did that to her. 

_How could that man do such a thing to this beautiful woman?!_

She reached for the front of her tunic to quickly close it back up, feeling suddenly anxious and insecure. Helvar cursed himself for making her feel that way. He wasn't disgusted by her, just at the man who did that. 

He could see tears pool in her eyes as she fretted with her tunic laces. "Sorry, I...I just feel strange with you staring at my scars. I have a lot of them and…” 

"Shhhhhh. Hey...there is nothing wrong with you. Everything about you is beautiful. I just found myself suddenly felt fury at the man who did that to you." 

He stilled her hand and pulled the tunic off her breast again as he moved his mouth to her nipple, biting lightly, making her hiss at the pleasurable sensation. She could feel his tongue swirl around it and sucked as she found herself arching into his mouth, her defenses breaking down. She wanted to push away her nerves as she tried to just focus on his touches.

He lifted her breast as it filled into his large hand and rubbed her nipple with his thumb as he kissed her deeply, tongue meeting tongue; tasting each other. His other hand gently pulled her head back by her hair as his lips moved down her throat, making her moan. He knew he would struggle to stop kissing or touching her had she asked him.

She was feeling a sudden warmth and wetness spread between her thighs at his touch she hadn’t felt before, while it was a curious feeling, it was pleasant as well. Her stomach turned a little in anticipation and her hips had a mind of their own as they gyrated against him, feeling the muscles between her legs instinctively squeeze.

Helvar could feel the heat between her thighs pressed up against him making him feel more bold and heated, his breathing faster. He had wanted her since their first kiss, but after her touches this morning, he could hold back no longer. If she stopped him, he would respect her boundaries, but he was hoping she wouldn't. 

"Can I take your tunic off?" 

He wanted to ask her instead instinctually removing it on his own. He knew she had fears after her rape, and he didn't want to push something she wasn't comfortable with, so he asked instead. 

Belene looked at him shyly and nodded as he watched a blush creep to her face and ears, making them twitch. She sat upright as he pulled her tunic up over her head. His breath hitched looking at her body and reached out to gently touch her with fingertips. He touched her scars, making her feel a bit uncertain, but she allowed it. He then moved his hand to touch her breasts again. Leaning in, he grabbed the back of her head gently and brought her forward so he could kiss her. Then he laid her on her back as he looked at her and touched her—exploring all her curves with his hands and eyes. 

"Are you OK with this?" he breathlessly whispered. 

She just nodded. 

He looked at her and ran fingers along her chest, in between her breasts. "How did I get so lucky to find you?" His voice sounded thick in his own ears. 

She blushed heavily and smiled shyly. 

He wanted her then more than he had ever wanted anyone.

"I want you, Bel. I want to feel you in every way I can...to touch and kiss every inch of you. I want to taste you and feel myself inside of you. Can I do that?" He wasn't usually a romantic or clever with words and felt almost doltish for saying them. He just told her exactly how he felt. 

His words drew her in wanting to give in to his desires, but that didn't stop her from being slightly afraid. She felt she could trust him, but her only experience with having sex was in the form of rape. Because she was having a hard time forming words, she just nodded again. 

He smiled, feeling his stomach in knots in pleasurable expectation. His hands moved to Belene's leather pants to undo them and pull them down. He looked up at her and saw she started to look very nervous and shake, which made him stop immediately. 

"I...I'm so sorry. I will stop." 

"No...no, it's OK. I'm just nervous. I want to try it...with you. Really." 

"Are you certain?" 

"Yes, I'm sure...I promise." 

“I will go slow, alright?" 

"OK," was all she could squeak out. 

After removing her pants and smalls, he wanted to just stare at her lithe figure, but he knew she would sense that and make her feel uncomfortable. Removing his own breeches and smalls, he lay back down next to her and started kissing her body. He sucked on each of her breasts, as she began to feel her desire build up again, and warmth spread downwards between her legs, which helped push through her insecurities and nervousness. His leg was between hers as her wetness slicked his thigh, making him moan knowing that despite her nervousness, she was feeling a desire similar to his own. 

He trailed down to her stomach with light kisses as he ran a hand to touch her between her legs. He looked up to watch her and make sure she was comfortable with his hand exploring her there. He felt himself harden even more touching and feeling her wetness on his fingers if that were possible. She was nervous, but she moaned at his touch, and she slightly spread her legs apart invitingly. 

She was still trembling from nerves—palms sweaty, but she was enjoying all his touches and kisses around her sensitive skin. It was such a stark contrast from her last experience, and she didn't want it to end despite how scared she was. It was such a strange feeling to feel fear, yet yearning for him. But the more he kissed her and ensured she was comfortable, the more she felt at ease and safe with him. 

As he traced kisses on her thighs, he moved his face between her legs when she stopped him, feeling the heat in her cheeks rise. "Wait! Wha...what are you doing?" 

He looked up in surprise and realized she probably had no idea what he was about to do. He cleared his throat nervously, feeling a bit strange to describe something like oral sex to a woman who would normally already know about such things. 

"I...uhm, well." _Shor's Beard, this is slightly embarrassing._

"Well, sometimes men like to kiss women down here. It gives the men pleasure to do so, and it gives the women...well, a lot of pleasure." 

She had a disgusted look on her face. "But, I...I have barely bathed. I know I cannot smell good." 

He shrugged, cursing himself again that she probably couldn't see his movements like that. 

"I haven't either. I like how you smell. You smell like a woman. I wouldn't have even tried this with you had I not wanted to," he explained as he made a show of inhaling her deeply between her legs. “But if it makes you uncomfortable, I don’t have to do it.” 

Belene blushed heavily. "No...Al...alright, then…” It was all she could squeak out. 

“Bel...you don’t look comfortable.”

“Please, I want to feel and know these things. It...it’s fine. Really.”

She covered her face in her hands to hide her embarrassment, ears twitching nervously as he smiled at her, stifling a laugh at her ears, which was completely endearing to him, and continued to kiss her between her legs. 

As soon as he laved a tongue between her folds, she keened and removed her hands from her face, grabbing his hair between tight fists. Her grasping of his hair made him groan in slight pain

“Bel, uhm, can you ease up on the hair?”

When she loosened her grip, he smiled, knowing she would enjoy this, and he hoped it would put her more at ease with what they were about to do. 

Helvar moved his tongue to the spot he knew women enjoyed the most and felt her instinctively gyrate into his mouth and grab his hair tightly again, but she soon remembered as her fingers let go and spread across his head, running her fingers through his soft hair. 

She could feel wetness pooling out of her seeping down as he licked it up and she spread her legs further apart, feeling more at ease. He opened her folds and pulled back the hood of her bud, swirling his tongue on her pearl. The heat was spreading through her body and she felt she was suddenly floating, almost numb, pushing away whatever pains she was having. 

“Oh Gods...please don’t...stop,” she whimpered and blushed in embarrassment as soon as she said it.

He swirled his tongue more eagerly with her words around her sensitive place with a firm tongue causing her to jolt a bit in pleasure and caused a whimper. It didn't take her long to explode in pleasure, making her moan loudly and arch her back further, pulsing into his greedy mouth. She strangely found tears swelling in her eyes from her release. He continued to lick her softly as the pulsing subsided and she finally forced him off of her. 

"Oh Gods, what was that?!" she asked breathlessly after her heart settled down, sniffing and wiping away the few shed tears. 

"That, my dear, is what I meant by 'a lot of pleasure.'" 

He was thoroughly pleased with himself to be able to be the first one to give that to her and glad she enjoyed it so much. 

She grabbed him by his face with both hands and pulled him in to kiss her, tasting herself on his lips, but she didn’t care. She felt so flushed, her ears on fire and light-headed, but in a good way, like she was just floating on air. 

_What a wonderful feeling that was!_

"Do you think you are ready for me? Will you be OK with me entering you? I promise I will be gentle with you. I swear I will never hurt you, Bel." 

Belene nodded and awaited him, hoping it wasn't going to hurt or be scary.

"I will go really slow, alright?" 

He inserted his hardness into her warm and slick folds, gently and slowly with a big sigh that ended into a moan coming out of him. She was incredibly tight, and he knew it was going to take everything he had not to explode right then and there. It had been quite some time for him since he did this last, but he wanted her to enjoy it too.

"Are...are you OK?" he grunted with pleasure and trying to control himself. 

His size hurt her a bit despite him trying to be gentle. He filled her and she could feel herself stretch to accommodate him, making her moan on both pain and pleasure.

"Yes, it hurts a little, but as you move, it eases...just slowly for now."

Helvar did as she asked, slowly gyrating into her, not too fast and hard, but he was at least all the way in. It was hard to not thrust hard and deep, she felt so good and he couldn't stop himself from moaning. He laid down on top of her as he thrust because he wanted to kiss her and to distract himself from finishing too early. 

"Am I too heavy?" he whispered in her ear, his hot breath sending goosebumps across her arm. 

"No, you're fine." 

Helvar moved his lips to hers and kissed her deeply, running his hands through her silky hair while continuing to thrust. He moved his head to lick her long ear as it instinctively twitched, and he could hear her breathing faster, starting to enjoy the feeling and responded to his movements. 

She didn’t seem to be hurting as much and knowing she was feeling OK, he pushed himself up by his strong arms and started to move deeper and faster inside of her. 

She could feel him hit some spot inside of her that sent a wave of warmth through her body and surprisingly found herself mimicking his movements, then wrapping her legs tightly around his waist, her hips tried to push him deeper within her. The warmth spreading was similar to when his face was between her legs, yet different—not as strong but no less enjoyable. 

He could feel her start to clench tightly around him like a vice, making him moan loudly— _too tight!_ Then she began to convulse around him, moaning, as she grabbed him down towards her and held on tightly, fingers digging into flesh, as she rode the wave. He could hold back no longer, and he quickly pulled out and exploded all over her stomach and used his hand to finish. 

She laughed a bit at herself and her naivety. "I...I liked that, Helvar. Tha...that felt so good. Had I known, I would have done this much sooner. 

"I'm glad," he whispered, touching her face and kissing her. "I enjoyed you very much too...Gods, more than you know, Bel." 

He laid down on his back, holding her with her curled up into him, trying to still his heart. She fit into him perfectly as he held her. 

“I want you to show me how to do to you what you did to me. I want to taste you and learn everything, Helvar. Can you show me?”

“Of course…” he gasped as she touched him again and moved her hand between his legs to feel him flaccid, but with her delicate touches and words, she was able to coax it back to life as she felt him harden again. 

"I want more…,” she whispered in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Both of them believe there was a reason for them being alone for so long <3


	10. Simplicity and Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life takes an unexpected yet pleasurable turn for Belene and Helvar. Once Belene met Helvar, she never looked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some NSFW content, so read accordingly.
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and kudos! It means so much, as always and keeps me writing!! Please do not hesitate if you would like to give constructive criticisms as well.

The past several months flew by and had been magical for Belene. She enjoyed Helvar so much, that she completely gave up her mission of revenge to find Gaius and kill him. Being with Helvar had also made her nightmares finally disappear. It wasn’t finding Gaius that would cure her of sleepless nights, but finding Helvar. She finally found someone to live for and found joy in their company. Someone that stilled her angry heart and grief, never realizing until then how far off course her life had gone. 

Helvar never stopped being attentive, caring, and kind. Life was simple and uncomplicated, something she yearned for and didn’t realize it until she met him that fateful night. It didn’t take her long to fall in love. Her happiest moments were living in simplicity with the people she loved.

Helvar also quickly fell in love with Belene. After she overcame her insecurities and wariness, she quickly warmed up to him. She was funny, kind, smart, and a phenomenal huntress. He would often take her hunting with him. He would watch her scale trees to his amazement, as she waited in silence for game to come to her then she would shoot from above, the animals never knowing what hit them. 

Belene didn’t seem to care at all that he didn’t have much in the way of material things. His home was small and basic from living a rural life. She appeared quite content just being with him, and little else mattered. 

They were lying in his bed one evening, and he was holding her tightly as she dragged delicate fingers across his chest hair. She had grown to love the feel of the soft yet coarse texture. As Helvar watched her trail her fingers across his skin, he wanted to tell her how he was feeling—it had grown so strong he was about to burst. 

“Bel, I think I now know why I have been alone for so long...I have been waiting for you all this time.”

She snuggled in closer to him, smiling. “I feel the same way, Helvar.”

“Do you?”

He could feel her head nod in the crook of his neck, and he smiled too. “I’m glad. I knew you would understand.”

“I never realized how alone I was until I met you,” she confessed, snuggling in deeper to him, feeling like she could never quite get close enough.

He pulled up her face up by her chin so he could look at her. Even though she couldn’t see him, he wanted to face her. “I love you, Bel,” he professed to her, ever the one never afraid to say what was on his mind. 

“I love you too, Helvar. Very much so.” He squeezed her tightly in his contentment.

“Ahhh, life is good!” he suddenly burst out loudly, making her laugh. 

Helvar moved on top of her, shoving his face into her neck and growled into her playfully. His beard tickled her and made her laugh out loud as she tried to push his heavy body off of her.

“Shor’s Beard, Helvar, what have you been eating lately!”

“You, my dear!” he teased as he nibbled her neck.

She would have rolled her eyes if she could, but she laughed nonetheless. 

“I didn’t realize I was so fatty!”

“Oh, are you saying I’m fat?!” he laughed as he started tickling her in her ribs, making her laugh hysterically.

“No, no! You are a magnificent specimen of a man! I’m just curious how you got so strong.”

He quickly retorted. “Lifting up your lard ass all the time!” That gave Belene pause for a second before she burst out laughing.

She playfully smacked him. “You are such an ass!”

“Hey, you started it, lard butt!”

As their laughter died down, he brushed away her hair from her face, looking at her. 

“Marry me.” He said this with more confidence than he felt for this was not a trifle thing.

She found herself suddenly getting serious and had this strong and sudden desire to see his face as tears started to appear in her eyes. He wondered if what he said had upset her for some reason, making him more nervous than before.

But those thoughts were quickly dashed as she said those two fateful words, “I will.”

“YES! Happiest man alive!” he bellowed and grabbed her on top of him to hold her tightly.

She laughed again at his mirth.

**********

They were wed the following month. Helvar took her all the way to Riften to the Temple of Mara. They had to sell quite a few pelts to get the coin to do so, and she had turned in some bounties from a while back before she met him. It was a simple ceremony—just Helvar and Belene, but it was all they needed. After the ceremony, they rented a room at The Bee and Barb. 

“I figured we could stay in a room for once that is warmer than our little house. I may have to do something about that. You are quite delicate to the cold, always shivering and chattering teeth,” he teased.

“Well, I appreciate the warmth. Yes, we Bosmer are more used to warmer climates though I never grew up in Valenwood. And don’t worry about the house. You keep me warm just fine with your insane Nordic body-heat. Your body alone could melt all of Windhelm!”

He pulled her closer to him, looking down at her, brushing away stray hairs, suddenly serious. “I sometimes wish I could give you more, Bel. You deserve more than my little, run-down house.”

“Helvar, I don’t care about such things. I had nothing before I met you. I had no home for five years, you know this. You and your little home are all I need in my life...I promise.”

“I know, but I can’t help but feel the need to do more.”

“You want to do more? Very well...I will certainly put you to work then,” she bantered as she removed his tunic over his head and started kissing his chest. 

He was so much taller than her, and it was hard to reach up to him sometimes when they were standing. She moved down on her knees as she pulled off his boots and leather breeches along with his smalls. Standing there naked before her, she took his length in her hand and guided her tongue to caress it teasingly over the glans. 

It had been awkward when he first taught her how to take him in her mouth and what to do, but she was eager to learn—not just from explaining to her but as she struggled to do it to his liking. Belene wanted to please him as much as he pleased her, so she learned to his every instruction. 

She took him not quite fully into her mouth as she was unable to and used her hand for the rest of it. It was already feeling wonderful as he had to be careful not to thrust too hard into her mouth, which was warm, wet and inviting. As it became more warm and wet, her lips tightened and throat muscles coalesced. Before he could contain himself no longer, she stopped.

He almost whined at her that he was close, but she stood and turned to face him to explain. “I have other plans for you.” 

Almost in resignation, yet anticipation, he turned her around so he could untie her dress from the back as she unlaced her corset from the front. Sliding the dress off of her arms, he kissed her soft, freckled shoulders. Letting the dress slip down to her ankles as she stepped out of it.

He deftly picked her up and sat her on the bed, getting down on his knees to remove her boots, kissing her ankles and scarred feet. She had finally learned not to be so insecure about her scars around him. He made her feel they were just a normal part of her body.

Helvar pulled her towards him as he slid her body half off the bed, moving his face in between her legs. He loved pleasing her there, and she had finally gotten used to having him between her legs. When she became close to her release, she made him stop.

“You apparently don’t want anyone to finish tonight, my love,” he joked.

She smiled down at him, where he was still between her legs.

“Helvar? I want you inside me.”

“Anything you want…”

“I want you inside me so I can have a child with you. Can we do that?”

He gently caressed her face as he stood up. “Of course we can do that.”

“Lay down on the bed. I want to be on top of you.”

Belen straddled him and inserted him into her slick wetness as they both moaned with a sigh, the first entry always feeling powerful. He watched her gyrate back and forth as he penetrated her so deeply, rubbing her pearl with his thumb, making her wetter. He watched her sway back and forth, almost like a dancer as her breasts swayed with her movements. Watching her made him so much harder as he found himself thrusting into her. He was already close after her previous administrations with her mouth. 

She grabbed his hands to caress her breasts and tease her nipples while she moved her hand down between her legs using her fingers to rub herself. Watching her sway on him while she was pleasuring herself was almost too much for him to bear. He felt this sudden increase of heat and wetness as she convulsed on him, tightening and causing him to explode in her as she released at the same time.

She reached out for his face with both hands, him still inside of her. “Thank you, Helvar. I love you so much.”

“I love you two, Bel.”

**********

After trying for several months to conceive with no luck, it started to take its toll on Belene. She was finding it difficult not to get upset every time there was a failure to conceive—frustrated after all their efforts and afraid she will never be able to have children. 

They were lying in bed one evening after making love with her head on his bare chest when he could feel warm tears on his skin. The pleasure quickly gave way to sadness in Belene.

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t think I can have a baby, Helvar. Maybe I have had too much damage to my body. Who knows what happened to me on the inside when I fell as a child.”

“Well, I’m older, though, not that old, but maybe that is the problem. It might not be you, after all.”

“I just think back to Inga and Alof, who never could have children at all.”

“Well, I wouldn’t worry just yet. Hey, let’s go see an alchemist in Ivarstead. Maybe there are some herbs we can take to help us along.”

She wiped her tears, suddenly feeling hopeful. “OK, yes, thank you.”

**********

It took a couple of days to get to Ivarstead. Once they got there, Belene smiled at the fact that everyone seemed to know Helvar and greeted him warmly. He came to Ivarstead once in a while to sell his pelts and meat. Most of the people he introduced her to were friendly, and he saw some look at their relationship rather strangely, but on the whole, they were happy for him. Fortunately, she couldn’t see some of the peculiar looks.

The alchemist gave them a small bag of dried fragrant herbs to help them conceive. They just had to crush them into hot water and both had to drink the tea. 

After a visit with the alchemist, they decided to stay the night in Vilemyr Inn. As soon as they walked into the warm and inviting inn, per usual, Helvar was greeted warmly. Though there was one drunken patron, who stepped up to Helvar.

“Greetins Hehva! Lon tiiime, no seeee!” he exclaimed loudly.

“Uhm, hello again, Bassianus.”

Bassianus eyed Belene up and down in a drunken haze. “My arnt yuh ah luvly lady!” 

Helvar was about to walk by, not bothering with Bassianus as he was too drunk, but Bassianus grabbed his arm and held him back.

“How mush ded she cost yuh? Can I have a turn ween yur duhn?”

Wilhelm, the innkeeper, could see Halvar’s face darken and about to pound Bassianus to the ground and ran to stop it but it was too late. Helvar punched Bassianus in the face, who then fell right on his butt.

“Ooowww, wachado tha fur?!” he griped, rubbing his jaw.

“You are lucky, Bassianus, you are drunk or that could have gone a lot worse! You do not talk about my wife like that! Do you understand, you drunken fool? You don’t deserve Fastred.” With that, he grabbed Belene’s hand and sat at a table to have dinner.

“Halvar, aren’t you sweet protecting my honor! I love you for that, but he was just drunk. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

He looked at her sheepishly. “I am normally peaceful and don’t like to raise a hand to people, but that was uncalled for...drunk or not. He’s an ass anyway. On top of it, I can see some people whispering about you and me. I told you, I’m not a handsome man and for them to see me with someone like you, well...it leaves people ripe with gossip. It’s...frustrating.”

Belene shrugged. “Maybe it’s me they are staring at. It wouldn’t be the first time. I get stared at all the time.” 

“No, I’m certain it’s not you.”

She grabbed his hand, leaned over the table, and kissed him deeply, allowing the gossipers to stare. “I don’t give a horker crap what these people think, my love. I don’t care, and you shouldn’t either.”

As she sat back down, he grabbed her hand and kissed it. “Have I told you recently how wonderful you are?”

“Hmmm, not in the past 30 minutes, so you are long overdue,” she teased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found Bassianus to be an ass, so I had to put that in there lol.
> 
> Next: Nothing in life stays the same.


	11. Gathered to the Gods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene begins to wonder if the Gods are punishing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for readings, comments, and kudos! It means to so very much!!
> 
> Warning: Character death and miscarriage.

_Four years later._

The herbs from the alchemist had worked only to the extent that it allowed Belene to conceive and carry a child for only about five months before she miscarried. She was depressed for a long while, but with Helvar’s love, he always brought her back from her depression. He just had a way of uplifting her spirits and made her smile, even through the worst of times. 

_“Don’t worry, sweetheart. We will try again and again until my penis falls off.”_

_She barked out with laughter at that. “Please, I would prefer it intact, if it’s all the same to you.”_

He would hold her and tell her it was OK. That he loved her and he always would—children or no children. 

Belene was never able to conceive again and eventually gave up on having any children. So, they just decided to enjoy each other and lived peacefully hunting together in the Rift, never leaving their small house except to hunt and sell their wares. 

Helvar sometimes worried about her being bored or eventually becoming unhappy, but she was always happy with him, despite her not being able to have children. She didn’t care what they did as long as they were together. She loved him so much it hurt sometimes. 

“I’m sorry I’ve never been able to give you children, Helvar,” she worried one night as they were holding each other in bed.

“Hush, it’s not your fault. It just is what it is. I know you really wanted a child, and I did too, but I’m more than happy with just you. I love you, sweetheart.” 

He always knew the right thing to say to her. 

********** 

It was a very cold morning with a lot of moisture in the air from all the thunderstorms they had. He was rubbing her feet by the fire as she was severely aching. The rubbing helped a lot, but he couldn’t do it forever. Healing potions helped a little bit, but the cold penetrated too deeply into her bones when there was too much moisture. 

“Look, sweetheart. I have to go hunt. We need the food and some coin, but just stay home and rest your feet and bones.” 

“I really should come with you. We make a lot more money when we combine our efforts.” 

“No, just stay here. I will be fine. I don’t want you to suffer.” 

“Alright,” she finally relented. She _was_ really hurting. 

“I will be gone for two days at most and will then return before heading out again to sell the pelts, sweetheart.” 

“I know the drill. Just please be careful! You have your health potions?” 

He patted his bag. “Yep, right here.” 

“I love you.” 

“Love you too, sweetheart. 

She gave him a long kiss and tender kiss, then watched his orange blob walk away. Had she known what would happen, she would have suffered the pain and hunted with him that day. 

********** 

It had been three days Belene worried as she paced with a nervous limp, despite the pain in her feet. 

_He was supposed to have been home yesterday! Where could he be?!_

She knew she should have gone with him! 

She wanted to go out and seek for him, but she had no idea where to look. She wasn’t a tracker like Helvar was—her blindness wouldn’t allow for such abilities. She knew where all their traps were, but it would take days to find them all. Plus, she didn’t want to leave just in case he came home. 

She finally managed to push aside her worry long enough to fall asleep. She startled awake sometime later that night when she heard someone come in their little house, banging around loudly. She sat upright and quickly grabbed her dagger out of the bedside table, but she could recognize his shape anywhere. 

“Helvar! Where have you been! I’ve been so worried!!” 

“Bel…” 

She watched in horror as he fell to the ground. “Helvar!!”

It took everything she had to drag his dense form into bed, nearly exhausting her as she wasn’t very big or strong. She quickly tried to remove his clothes, but he was still too heavy. The only thing she could do was take her dagger as she cut away his fur and leather, knowing he was injured somewhere. She couldn’t feel anything, so she shoved him on his side and touched his back when her hand came away drenched in blood, the coppery smell nauseating her. His back was covered in deep slash marks that were bleeding out heavily. It was a wonder he made it home at all.

_No! What happened to you, my love?_

She searched the little house for more health potions, but she had taken them all for her own pain. She tore the house apart, praying to find one stray bottle. 

_No, why did I have to drink them all!!_

Looking for his bag, she realized he hadn’t come home with it. All she could do was clean and treat his wound and pray for the best. She wasn’t religious, but that didn’t stop her from asking for help. 

He woke up an hour later and weakly called to her. “Bel…?” 

“I’m here, love. I...I’m out of health potions! I’m so sorry, I took them all!” She sobbed on his chest and held his hand, knowing deep down his wounds were fatal. 

“Shhh...you were hurting...Is’ok,” he stammered weakly, ever the understanding and forgiving man. 

“What happened, Helvar? What happened to you?!” 

“Bear...got me...surprise. Broke health...bottles. He’s dead...but got...me. Sliced...back. Too...much blood.” 

“I don’t know what to do...tell me what to do!” 

“Done all you can...sweetheart. Nothing to do. Won’t...make it...so sorry. I can...feel slipping.” 

“NO! You promised!!! You swore to me you would never hurt me!! You are a damned liar!!

She curled up in bed with him and cried on his chest as he weakly rubbed her hair.

“I’m sorry, sweet...tried to make it...back…to you. Love...you.” 

“You can’t leave me! I…I won’t allow it!! 

She then tried to tell him before it was too late. ”I love you too.” 

But he didn’t hear her words as he passed out again from the blood loss. She cried herself to sleep that night as she listened to his labored breathing and his struggling heart. When she woke up in the morning, he was gone. 

She wept on him, holding his face with both hands, her tears falling on his face as her forehead pressed against his. She kissed his cold and still lips for the last time. Part of her was unable to accept that he was dead. It was impossible to believe that someone she loved so deeply was yet again gone from her life. 

Belene spent most of the morning weeping, unable to let him go and control her sorrow. Once again, she found happiness just to have it all snatched away—AGAIN! It was her fault. If she hadn’t taken all the health potions, he would probably be alive right now. She blamed herself, but she knew deep down that his wounds were too deep to heal. She wanted to blame herself because she wanted something to be rage at. 

She wanted to die right then and there to be with him somewhere in Aetherius, unable to bear the thought that she would be without him the rest of her life. But if she took her own life, she knew that would be the one thing Helvar would never forgive her for. It wouldn’t be what he would want. She knew that much. Belene would have to endure the pain. 

********** 

She spent the rest of the day digging a grave for him next to their child, weeping the entire time. It took everything she had—physically and emotionally. Then she dragged his body towards the pit, crying and falling several times, feet slipping out from under her as he was so heavy. When she finally got him into the pit, she took his wedding band, put it on her thumb of her left hand and put her own ring on his pinky, then cut a lock of her hair and put it in with him. 

As an afterthought, she ran and grabbed her bow and put it in the grave with him. It was the most special and beloved item she owned and wanted him to have it. She would use his instead. She had nothing else to give him, so she covered him with the dirt and dragged a large stone on top, so she could always find him again. She wished she could have written something on the stone, but she wasn’t capable. 

It was late in the evening, but she had to go. She could not stay in their house, not even to stay for one night. There was just too much pain for her to be there without him. A house full of love and happiness should stay that way, not wanting to fill it anymore with her pain and grief. 

She cut a piece of fur from his armor to hold onto, then packed up all her belongings, which wasn’t much. As she was leaving, she turned back to look at the grave of her loving dead husband even though she couldn’t see it. But she felt it deep in her heart, crying again and then walked away. She knew she would be back one day to see him, but not any time soon. She just couldn’t.

_Why do the Gods hate me so?_

As she walked away, she knew she would never know or have anyone like him again. She and all of Nirn lost someone precious that day. 

********** 

Belene wandered Skyrim for a few years with no direction, no plans, no goals. She hunted, explored ruins, made some coin, but she had no place in the world—nowhere she belonged. She was a lost soul in a big world. At 30 Winters, she was more lost than ever before. At least in her anger, she had a goal and a direction; to hunt bandits. But the loss of her husband left her feeling more empty than the Void. She basically roamed, just waiting to be reunited with him eternally. 

She was never really able to get over his death, just like she was never really able to get over losing Inga and Alof. Belene tended to wear her heart on her sleeve and wasn’t very adaptable to emotional pain, so she suffered. But part of her also wanted to hold on tightly to it, afraid to lose memories and love for the people she once held dear. 

The world wanted her birth parents, her adoptive parents, her child, and then her husband. The world wanted all that she had, and it took it greedily from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this chapter was very hard on me. As a new writer, I didn't realize how one can get attached to a character. I actually cried when I killed of Helvar lol. It may have less of an impact reading about him, but writing him...he became special.
> 
> Next: Belene finds herself saving someone as Helvar saved her so long ago.
> 
> HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!


	12. The Lone Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene spends an evening trying to save a wolf in a trap, just as she was saved so long ago by Helvar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! It means so very much!!

Belene had not seen Whiterun Hold in years, spending most of her time in the Rift. She headed that way to get out of the area for a while and looked for work to simply pass the time and keep coin in her pocket. There was news of a gravesite that the locals were complaining about. Apparently, skeletons were firing arrows at people who got too close. Belene took the job along with clearing out some bandit camps—she had nothing else to do, and she was good at it. 

While in the town of Whiterun, she got sized for some new armor. Her current leathers were worn and falling apart. She also purchased a new dagger as she could now afford one made of ebony, wanting something fast and sleek. Belene quickly saved coin since her expenses were virtually non-existent. Instead of waiting in town for her armor to be finished, she headed out to do the jobs. She didn’t want to wait around in the Inn with nothing to occupy her mind other than things she didn’t want to deal with or end up getting drunk to dull the psychological pain. 

She quickly cleared out the two bandit camps as she had a lot of practice over the years. They weren’t exactly hard to kill for someone with skill, but they could be more than a nuisance for people who weren’t used to fighting. Once they were cleared out, she walked the few miles to the burial site to clear out the skeletons. 

_Seriously? This was a problem?_

They were just walking bones. All anyone had to do was throw a large rock at them, and they would crumble. Ah well, it was coin and something to do, not caring what magic had held them together in the first place. 

The evening was quickly approaching and it was too late to head back into town, so she walked quite a way to find a decent place to camp for the night. She came upon a small stream then set up her tent and bedroll. After clearing out a couple of mudcrabs, deciding they were dinner, she got the fire going. Heading over to the stream, she cleaned up and sat down by the fire to cook her meal. 

As it happened every evening when she settled down for the night, her thoughts drifted to Helvar - _always to Helvar_ , her beloved husband. She would try to recall every conversation, every smell, every touch, every laugh. But as time went on, she would start to forget some things, and it would weigh down on her emotionally. She yearned to be capable of writing. She would have liked to keep track of her memories of him in some sort of journal. She didn’t want to forget anything, but somethings were fading from her mind. 

After picking at her crab, she went in her bag and grabbed a small piece of pelt that had been part of Helvar’s armor. It had long lost his smell, but she slept with it every night anyway, holding it tightly and placing it against her face. It strangely gave her comfort and the closest she would ever get to Helvar again. 

She laid inside her bedroll and started to drift to sleep, but a high-pitched noise startled her awake. She perked up her ears, twitching with her keen sense of hearing, but she didn’t hear it again. It was strange, like some sort of pitiful crying. 

As she dozed off again, she could hear the sound again. This time she sat up and listened. 

_There!_

She stood up and tried to follow the sound. It sounded like some sort of injured animal. She could tell she was getting closer when the noise got louder. It was definitely some sort of animal and clearly sounded as if it was wounded.

Then she saw it there. It was lying under a rock overhang, seeking shelter away from other predators. Gods, it was a full-grown wolf! 

_Oh no, I can’t do anything for it._

Ever since her fall as a child, she had been terrified of dogs, including wolves. She was too afraid even to approach it to kill it, so she ran back to camp and grabbed her bow and quiver. She would shoot it from a distance and put it out of its misery. That would be the least she could do to end its suffering.

Even at this distance, she could feel her heart race from fear. She nocked her arrow and aimed it at the wolf, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She had killed many wolves over the years in self-defense and for profit, but this animal was utterly helpless. She dropped the bow down and upon closer inspection, she could tell its paw was caught in a trap hearing the wolf biting at metal to get it off. 

Flashes of memory of the day she first met Helvar hit her full force as she tried not to cry. Putting her fist to her mouth, she tried to still her sudden and strong emotions. 

Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she ran back to camp to grab several pieces of dried meat. When she finally approached the wolf, it stared at her warily. As she got closer, the wolf bared its teeth at her and growled lowly as a warning. 

Belene couldn’t see what it was doing, but she knew it could sense her fear and heard it growling. She knew from the day she was attacked as a child that the wolf probably looked similar to the dog with its baring teeth, head low, ready to attack. Belene was oozing fear, but something in her wanted to help this animal. Maybe she wanted to help it as Helvar helped her so long ago, unable to push aside the strange feeling of connectedness with this wolf. 

“Shhhhh, it’s OK,” she whispered more calmly than she felt. She got on her knees to appear non-threatening and tossed a piece of dried meat to the wolf. The wolf sniffed at it and nibbled it up. It looked at her warily still, but at least it stopped growling at her. 

Belene sat as calmly as she could. If she wanted to free the wolf, she would have to make sure they were both calm, and the wolf would have to trust her. 

“What are you doing out here all injured, huh?” she said in a calming sweet voice, throwing another treat. 

After a few treats, Belene moved closer to the wolf. The wolf growled at her again, and she knew it was most likely baring its teeth at her as a warning. 

“Now is that any way to treat your savior? I’m giving you tasty food and want to remove that trap off your foot. Are you going to let me do that?” 

It looked at her and cocked its head, listening to her talk. 

She threw another piece of meat as it ate it up. With each throw, she would nudge closer and closer. Eventually, she was only a foot away from the beast. She tore another piece of dried meat and held it in the palm of her open hand to see if the wolf would take it. It was tentative at first, but sniffing her and smelling the tasty meat, it gently took it from her hand. 

_Well, I have all my fingers still_ , she thought in great relief _._

“Do you think you will let me try to remove that trap from your paw yet?” 

She could tell it was watching her again, listening. Grabbing another piece of meat and putting in her palm, she lightly touched the wolf’s soft head with her other hand as it took the meat from her. 

_OK, my hand is still in one piece. We are getting somewhere._

“You are a sweet baby, aren’t you,” she cooed. “I bet that mean old trap hurts a lot, doesn’t it?” 

It looked at her again more out of curiosity than wariness. But she couldn’t see the canine’s reactions. That is what made it harder for her, and she tried not to let it make her so nervous. But, she could sense its breathing and position of its head. If the head were lower, it would be more on guard. 

She saw it move to lick its paw again as it whined, biting the metal again. She knew how much it hurt based on her own experience, and she had a boot on at the time. 

Giving the wolf her last piece of meat, she hoped that it would be enough to allow her to remove the trap. She learned years ago how to remove traps from Helvar. Even after all this time, when she thought about him, it would still bring her sadness, sometimes tears. She wondered if she would ever be able to move on, not that she was really trying hard to. She felt letting go of her grief would somehow make her forget about him, so she held onto it tightly. 

As she was thinking about Helvar and wiping away tears, she felt the wolf was licking her hand. She wasn’t sure if it’s because it wanted more treats or because it sensed her pain. 

“Oh, I will be OK, sweetie...well, I hope so.” 

The wolf continued to stare at her as if it was actually interested in everything she had to say. 

“Well, I guess it’s now or never. If you kill me, at least I will be with my husband finally.” For some reason, that thought stilled her nerves a bit from the wolf. 

Again, she tentatively reached out to touch the wolf’s head. It seemed to allow her to do so. 

“See, I’m not so bad, am I?” 

She finally got the nerve to reach out and touch its hind leg, where it was caught in the trap. It hurt a lot as it snapped at her and growled, but it didn’t hurt her. She knew that the wolf could have easily taken her whole hand off in one bite but chose not to. 

“Now, none of that. Do you want this trap off or not?” Belene scolded, though her heart was racing from the jolt of fear. 

It whined at her as if it understood what she said.

“OK, I’m going to try again now. Are you going to let me? Would you like to be free or not?” 

It whined again.

“Alright, then... I’m going to remove this trap now, so I would appreciate you not killing me while I do so.”

She moved closer to the wolf’s hind leg and cooed at it to keep it calm while she took both of her hands and pressed down on the two levers on either side of the trap to open it. As soon as it was open, the wolf took off running with a slight limp. 

She breathed a huge sigh of relief that she wasn’t mauled and yelled out after it. “You’re welcome!” 

She smiled that she was able to get over her fear of the animal long enough to save it. Feeling like she finally accomplished something, she headed back to camp, laid down on her bedroll, and quickly fell asleep, having pleasant dreams about Helvar.

********** 

Belene woke at dawn, stretched out all the kinks, and got ready to pack up her gear before heading back to Whiterun so she could get paid. But when she sat up, she noticed a wolf sitting across from her. She felt flutters in her stomach from fear, wondering if she had enough time to grab her dagger. 

She sat on her bedroll as still as she could as she inched her arm to reach for her dagger in her tent while keeping her eyes trained carefully on the yellow-shaped wolf. The wolf must have sensed what she was up to as it suddenly stood up and raced towards her. Belene raised her arms reflexively in self-defense, then the wolf stopped directly in front of her and sat down again, staring at her. 

Slowly lowering her arms and eyeing the wolf, realizing it hadn’t attacked her, she wondered then if it was the same one from last night. 

“Hey, are you my friend from the trap?” 

It sat down on all fours and made a whining noise, as if in response. 

“I thought you went home or wherever you are from. Why are you here? Have you come to clean me out of dried meats?” She asked all these questions as if the wolf could actually respond. 

She could see it cocked its head, listening to her. 

“Fine, take all my food. Good thing I’m not too far from town.” Pulling out the few remaining dried meats, keeping one for herself, she threw the rest to the wolf who greedily ate them up as she sat there chewing on hers. 

“Well, that’s it. I’m out of food, my friend. You will now have to hunt for your own again. No more free food for you, greedy wolf!” 

She packed up all her camping gear, put out the embers of her fire while the wolf sat there watching her. Putting her pack on, she started her hike back to Whiterun. 

“See ya!” she yelled back at the wolf. 

********** 

After counting her coins, Belene headed to the smith to grab her new armor. They allowed her to change in their house, and she threw out her old and worn armor. She stretched and moved in the tight new armor. It was a bit stiff, but it would eventually work itself out with use. 

After freeing the wolf the night before, which gave her strong reminders of Helvar, she decided it was time to go home and see him. She should have returned sooner, but it was still painful—Helvar would have understood. She headed out of Whiterun and back to the Rift to see her husband and tell him of her journey before heading out again, to wherever her journey took her until she could finally join him. 

As she strolled out of the gates of Whiterun and past the stables, she saw it there. _What in Oblivion?_ The wolf had followed her and waited there. _Is it waiting for me?_ She shook her head. 

_No, the wolf just wants more treats...greedy wolf. It’s just going to have to find food on its own now._

She stopped in front of the wolf. “Now you are just going to have to go. I don’t have any more food for you. You have to get your own food now.”

The wolf just sat there and stared at her as she walked off towards the mountains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Because wolves are so smart.
> 
> Happy Holidays!


	13. In Good Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene finds friends of the wild variety as well as the mer variety.
> 
> Fanart today! I'm not the best at fan art, but I like this one better than the previous five tries lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is having a good holiday! I did and leaving out of town soon to see family.
> 
> Thank you for reading and hope you like it! Please let me know what you think in the comments. Your thoughts mean so much!! <3

After she passed Helgen, she decided to make a short camp to warm up and have a quick bite to eat then move on again. After she set up the fire, Belene pulled out some bread and cheese she bought just nibbling at it, lost in thought. It had been a long time since she visited Helvar because it was still emotional whenever she thought of him, let alone being by his gravesite. But she just couldn’t avoid him any longer. He deserved more than that, but she knew he would also understand.

While she was staring vacantly at the fire and eating, that was when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She saw the wolf again approaching her camp. She was a little bit in shock to see its now-familiar yellow shape - apparently, it had followed her.

 _Has this wolf followed me all this way? What has gotten into it? Surely it didn’t follow me just for food?_

As it slowly approached her, it sat by the fire next to her. She was about to complain to it that she wasn't going to give it any more food when it dropped a dead rabbit at her feet. 

_OK, so it's not here to be a freeloader...interesting._

"Well, that's a mighty good looking rabbit you got there." 

She picked up the dead rabbit, grabbed her dagger, and started to skin it expertly as the wolf watched her intently, awaiting its meal. Once it was skinned and pelt set out to dry, she cut two legs off and the head, and threw them to the wolf then put the rest on the fire. 

She smiled at the wolf. "You are too kind to share your meal with me. It’s good to know you aren’t a freeloader after all. I would have been worried if you couldn’t fend for yourself.” 

As she watched the yellow wolf blob eating, she continued to converse with it. She knew it was strange to be having a conversation with an animal, but no one was around to see her craziness anyway.

"I'm not sure you being unable to talk is a good thing or a bad thing. But I've been alone for this long, and I've gotten quite used to the silence." 

_Don't wolves live in packs? Why is this one out all alone? Is it trying to find a pack in me because I saved it?_

"Apparently you are going to continue to follow me. I guess if you're going to hang out with me, you should have a name." 

She picked at the cooked rabbit, putting a bite in her mouth and licking her fingers, trying to think of a good name for it. She wanted to give it some Bosmer name, but she knew very little of her people. Belene was virtually a Nord in spirit and mind. She finally came up with the Norse name for Wolf…'Vargr.'

"How does 'Vargr' sound to you? I have no idea if you're a boy or a girl, so that name should work, right?" 

The wolf whined a bit as if in response. 

"Good, then it's settled." 

Vargr just stared at her. 

"I wish I could see you. I wonder if your fur is black, gray, white or brown. It disappointing sometimes to not be able to see such things. I was married for a while and never knew what my husband really looked like. I just knew he was strong, tall, and kind and…" 

Belene wiped away unshed tears and then played with his wedding band that she still wore on her thumb. She sometimes wished she didn't miss him so much at the same time it was hard to let him go, but he did so much for her. So much so that she never hunted for revenge again, and he took away all her nightmares. She had that enduring hope in her when she thought about his sense of humor and positivity that stilled her angry heart. It was one of the greatest gifts he gave to her. She tried to push away the sweet memories, but it was always so hard. Even harder when one was always alone—always alone with only thoughts and memories to carry her. 

When she looked up from staring at the wedding band, she surprisingly saw Vargr was sitting right next to her, leaning on her side. She didn't know why this little act by the wolf made her suddenly start crying. But she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. 

Vargr whined at her and started licking her face. She scrunched her face against the wet assault of its tongue and reached out to touch it, running her hands through its fur. Vargr was surprisingly soft. Not all wolves were soft, but Vargr was. She caressed its velvety ears and ran a hand along its back. 

"Well, you are awfully sweet for a wolf, I must say. Not something I would expect from such a wild animal. Are you sure you’re even a wolf? You sure do act like a sentient being sometimes rather than the wild wolves always wanting me for the next meal.” 

Belene suddenly stood up to get ready to go. "Alright! Enough tears, Belene! Time to move on." 

She packed up her gear and headed out again through the mountain pass to Ivarstead. 

She looked over at the wolf. “Well, are you coming then?" 

It stood up and ran on ahead as she headed East to the Rift. 

********** 

As Belene traveled home, she decided she would see if Vargr was trainable. If the wolf was going to travel with her, she needed to make sure it didn't attack random strangers. So each evening at camp, she would work on a series of whistles and give Vargr treats when the wolf responded as she wished. 

The wolf was incredibly intelligent and picked up the different whistles quickly, more than she ever gave them credit for. As she got to know Vargr, she started to see wolves in a completely different light. She knew she would still have to deal with them when they attacked, but she was never going to hunt them again. She also learned to get over her fear of the canine variety.

**********

She finally reached home two days later. Belene felt around the house to see how it withstood the years and noticed it had started to become run-down. Boards were falling off, the door was hanging off its hinges. There were also bottles strewn about. _Squatters must have stayed here._

Helvar's and her baby’s graves were both overrun with weeds, and she stooped down to clean them all off. When she was done, she sat on her knees beside him, and Vargr sat by her side. 

Tears started pooling out of her eyes again. "Hi, my love. I'm home. Well, at least for a little while. I know it has been a long time, and I can't stay, but I'm sure you understand why. You always understood everything, didn't you? It was like you and I were of one mind." 

Vargr watched the elf talk to that mound of dirt with its head cocked. 

"Not really much to tell you. I have just been roaming the country missing you with really no goals or a destination. If you saw me now, I'm sure you would be disappointed in the direction I have gone, but I lost my home in you the day you died. I guess I'm just waiting for that day I can finally be reunited with you, hoping I don't have to wait a couple of centuries to do it," she said with a humorless chuckle. 

She reached out and petted Vargr. "You will be happy to see I have a new friend, though. Would you believe it's a wolf? I named it 'Vargr.' I saved it the same way you saved me so long ago. Strange coincidence, huh? It was probably why I was so drawn to it. I saw myself in this wolf." 

After sitting a bit longer, she stood up. "I've got to go, my love. But I promise to be back sometime...I love you." 

She kissed her hand twice, touching each gravestone. Wiping her tears away, she stood up and left her home and husband once more. 

********** 

The Dunmer traveling merchant watched the alluring blind Bosmer touching all his wares. He had been to the area several times over the years and had never seen her before. As he observed her, she seemed especially fond of the spidersilk tunic as she delicately touched the material with a slight smile on her face. The look on her face was one of wistfulness that she owned such an elegant item. He wasn't sure she could afford such a luxury, but people surprised him sometimes, so he tried not to judge. Judging could lead to a loss of a potential sale. 

_Her armor is of decent quality, so who knows_ , he thought as he continued to observe her. 

"It's one of the finest yet strongest spidersilks from Morrowind. They call this one' Contraspun,'" he informed her. 

She looked over at him as if she could see him and strangely enjoyed his deep smoky voice. It was quite pleasant. "What is 'Contraspun?'" 

"Well, let me tell you! Contraspun is dense and impervious to even a knife blade, yet it retains a spidersilk's signature of soft delicacy. A contraspun garment will provide quite a bit of protection without compromising on fashion and elegance!" *****

He stood closer to her, barely grazing her arm and spoke in a deep and smooth tone. "It would look exquisite on you." 

_She would be stunning in it_

She scoffed at him. She knew the ploys of merchants—and men for that matter. Though she had only been with Helvar, that didn't stop men from trying whenever she made it through a city or village. 

"What color is it? 

"This particular one is black. But if you wish a different color, I have my ways to obtain what you desire, _merdekhes_." ******

_I bet you do_ , she thought sardonically.

She knew she wouldn't be able to afford it, but she had to ask anyway.

"How much?" 

"Ah! Now we are getting somewhere! Yes, it is 450 Septim." He always overpriced everything for haggling purposes. 

"It's too much," she said, walking away. 

"415 Septim then!" 

"No…" 

"Help me out, _merdekhes_. You need to work with me here. How much were you thinking? Give me a price, and we can work from there." 

"I was thinking I will never be able to afford any of your prices." With that, she walked away as he stared after her, hoping he could find a way to get her to come back.

She was in her camp with Vargr dreaming of that spidersilk tunic. It was so soft and delicate, like a Spring’s flower's petal. Such a stark contrast to the rough spun linen she wore under her leather. She had always dreamed of having a delicate garment when she was younger. She didn't care about such things when she was with Helvar. It was more of a girlish dream, remembering the days she would touch the delicate fabrics and dresses back in Falkreath. 

After feeling that tunic, she imagined it hugging her skin and how soft it would feel. And to know that it would also protect her?! It was too perfect. She had to have it, but she only had 150 Septim. Not nearly enough, even if she could haggle him down to a lower price. 

When it got dark, Belene headed back to the merchant. She had Vargr keep watch while she snuck into the merchant's camp. She could see his body lying on his bedroll in his tent sleeping as she headed to the much larger tent holding his wares. Quietly she entered, trying to feel quickly around for the tunic. She couldn't find it anywhere. 

_Dammit! I hope no one bought it._

If it were still there, she would try to take it during the day then when he had it out on display. She would just have to be extra cautious. 

As she left the tent, she saw someone on the right of her peripheral vision approach her, her ears twitching from the sound. 

"Looking for this, _merdekhes_?" She could hear the note of triumph in his smoky voice that he caught her.

Vargr quickly ran to her side, sensing danger, ready to defend her elf if she needed help.

Belene looked down at Vargr. “I’m sorry, but weren’t you supposed to keep watch,” she scolded, but Vargr just whined.

Belene swallowed and stared at the merchant, knowing he was holding up the very tunic she wanted _—Dammit!_

He eyed the wolf warily, but it didn't stop him from speaking to her. 

"I had a feeling you would be back for it in order to steal it. You refused to haggle yet you spent quite a bit of time handling the tunic, dreaming you owned such a garment. I knew you wanted it and wanted it desperately enough to steal it. It's my job to know these things to protect my business." 

She remained quiet, not saying anything, then started to walk off. 

"Wait." 

She stopped but didn't turn around, waiting to hear what he had to say, curiosity getting the better of her. 

"I could have you hauled off to jail for this." 

She turned around then, finally speaking up with a smirk and amusement in her eyes. "For what exactly? I stole nothing and all you have is your word that I even came near you. Guards never suspect the blind girl, so they won't believe you. You know as well as I do that the Nords near Windhelm don't care for our kind, especially yours, _Dunmer_." 

"How did you…?" 

She walked up closer to him and made a show of sniffing the air. "Dunmer have a unique smell about them like fire, spice, and rich soil. It's...strangely quite pleasant." 

He couldn't help but lift his arm to sniff it, not able to smell what she did. "Oh, well, that's... Nevermind; it doesn't matter. Well, you certainly have it all figured out, don't you?" 

She smiled and walked away. 

"Wait!" 

Sighing, she turned around again. "What do you want now?" 

"What I would like is for you to have it, my dear."

That gave her pause, but then she narrowed her eyes. "So, that whole show of having the guards haul me away was for nothing?” She knew then that there was something else he wanted. “These things always have a catch, don't they? What do you want in return? Let me guess, it’s something sexual?" 

"The catch is, I would like you to spend some time with me. You are quite a lovely creature. Yes, it is sexual in nature...I won’t lie."

And, there it was. Her brows furrowed in anger. "I'm not a damned whore!" She turned on her heels and started walking off. 

"No! Of course, you aren't," he spoke quickly before she could leave. "I never said you were or try to imply that! This wouldn't just be for me, but you as well. You look very alone and I am well versed at reading such things. I am also alone with all my travels. I just like to have someone to spend time with when I come into town. But I could give you a lot in return as well, beyond this tunic. I would never treat you like a whore." 

Turning back around to look at him, arms crossed in defiance. "You say that, but it sounds like that is _exactly_ how you would treat me. Sex in return for what? Gifts or money...It makes no difference."

"This is about pleasure, my dear, and not just mine. I don't recall any man caring about a whore's pleasure." 

She thought about this. She _was_ quite lonely; this gentleman wasn't wrong there. She just didn't realize it was so obvious. Part of her felt like she would betray her husband, and she had never wanted to get close to a man since. Helvar was irreplaceable. The guilt would weigh on her too much, and she still really missed him. But this way, she could get the companionship she needed without committing herself to a man. Its something she never thought of before until the idea was brought before her by this man. 

He could see a deep sadness in the firelight, understanding that maybe he came too close to the truth. There was pain there... _loss_? He was then beginning to wonder if she was even going to answer him at all. 

"Fine. Very well," Belene sighed before she could think about it more. 

He was truly delighted! "Excellent! It's not too very late in the evening. I have some lovely wine in my larger tent, and you could try on your new tunic." 

"Alright," she said as she just walked forward to the tent without waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Bel finds she can find companionship in a man without having to worry about feelings of betraying Helvar, but then has second thoughts.
> 
> * From Unofficial Elder Scrolls: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Lady_Eloisse_Answers_Your_Questions
> 
> ** merdekhes - unofficial Dunmeri word for beautiful.


	14. The Finer Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene decides to have some sort of relationship that doesn't involve deeper emotions, but in the end, she cannot go through with it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! It means a lot and keeps me motivated to write! <3
> 
> Hope everyone had a good holiday!!

Belene briskly entered the large tent. She wanted to get this agreement over with to obtain the tunic and if she thought about what she was about to do, she knew she would flee. It was an uncomfortable feeling and part of her mind was questioning her sanity as to why she would do such a thing just for a tunic. 

It wasn’t just any tunic. She never cared about material things and lived virtually in squalor with only an old tent protecting her from the elements. Yet she was so drawn to this cloth, wanting and dreaming it of caressing her skin. To own at least one thing that was special to her and she was willing to sell herself for it, ignoring the fact that this man was not wrong, she _was_ quite lonely.

When she entered the tent, Vargr was quickly behind, never wanting to leave Belene’s side. She headed over to a corner not filled with merchandise and wrapped her arms around herself, not just from the chill, but from nerves. It was awkward to be standing there knowing what was coming, but not knowing what to do. 

“Must your wolf...follow us?” His smokey voice startling her back to reality, starting to make her dread what she was about to, hands starting to shake. 

“Uhm, Vargr goes where I go. The wolf is my friend and protector and I am still not sure I can quite trust you.” 

As they were talking about Vargr, it then dawned on her that this Dunmer could tell her all about her wolf. Belene didn’t even know what sex her wolf was. “As you can clearly see, I’m blind. Can you do me a favor? Can you tell me about my furry friend here?”

“Te...tell you about your...wolf?” 

“Yes, I have no idea if Vargr is a girl or a boy or what it looks like.” 

“I see...well, uhm...OK…” He tentatively looked under the wolf, not wanting to get too close it and feeling quite strange looking at its privates. “It, uhm, appears to be a female and she’s all white. She’s an ice wolf.” 

Belene beamed at him, so happy to have a visual of what Vargr looked like and making her feel closer to her furry friend. 

_Gods, that smile…_

“She’s basically a wolf version of you...almost,” he explained further, knowing that it would please her and hoping to put her more at ease. He could see how nervous and uncomfortable she was. 

Belene smiled shyly, but happily. She then whistled for Vargr to go sit by the entrance and keep watch. 

“Thank you for that, it means a lot to now know what my wolf looks like.” 

“Uhm, my pleasure. I am Casil, my dear. What shall I call you?” 

“Belene.” 

“Lovely name for a lovely woman!” 

She shrugged, immune to charm, except from Helvar. He always meant it when he had talked to her like that. She didn’t like it from men she didn’t know, knowing they had their own agenda to talk to her as such. 

Casil saw a flash of pain in her eyes again for some reason. He coughed to draw her attention away from it and focus back on him. “Here, please. Try it on,” he said as he handed her the tunic. 

She quickly grabbed it from his outstretched hand as if he would trick her and suddenly snatch it away like some cruel prank. He approached slowly and closer to her so he could help her remove her armor. He stood behind her and gently moved her soft hair off her shoulder. Pulling a large strand to his nose, he inhaled, in awe as to the delicacy of her hair. Moving his hands down across her shoulders, he started to unbuckle the leather straps and put his face close to her neck as he did so, inhaling her skin. She smelled like a forest, like fresh air and clean water with a hint of evergreens. 

Things were moving too quickly for her as she suddenly stepped away from him, wringing her hands with nerves and unable to meet his face with her own. “How about that wine?” 

“Ah yes, getting ahead of myself. I can’t help it for you are quite a lovely woman.” 

She tuned out his honeyed words as she ran her fingers through the delicate material of the tunic she was still holding, questioning her sanity and wondering how desperately did she really want it. But she couldn’t wait to try it on, though she knew she pretty much sold herself for it, contrary to what Casil told her. It was better than falling for another man, she supposed. She struggled with thoughts of sharing her love with another man besides Helvar, having no desires for the complexity of another relationship. She felt it would be cheating on her husband.

She was also slightly uncomfortable with having to remove her clothes in front of this man whom she barely knew. Thoughts of her whoring herself out to this man for something material left a bad taste in her mouth. 

He handed her a glass of wine as she quickly chugged it down, barely able to wash away the uncertainties, so she needed another - something to drown out her nerves. He chuckled at her, took her glass pouring her another, and handed it to her. This time she sipped more slowly. 

“Nervous?” he asked, already knowing she was. 

She just shrugged, not really wanting to answer him as she sipped her wine and sat down in one of his chairs reserved for his clients, nervously tapping her foot on the ground. 

“How long has it been, my dear?” 

She looked towards his face, suddenly feeling a bit defensive, but she answered him nonetheless, feeling the heat on her face from embarrassment. “I don’t know...three years?”

“Three years?! Oh my! Way too long for a lady such as yourself! You really do deserve the constant attention of a man.” 

Belene found her nerves pushed aside with feelings of annoyance. “Casil, you can stop the flattery, please. It’s not necessary for me. All it does is irritate me as I know you don’t mean it anyway. I don’t like being manipulated.” 

“You prefer honestly then?” 

“Yes, I do.” 

“Very well, then. Everything I told you was the truth. I wasn’t lying to you, _merdekhes_.” 

Not sure whether or not to believe him, she wanted to know what word he was calling her, knowing it would most likely be another honeyed word to draw her in. “What does ‘ _merdekhes_ ’ mean?” 

“Ah well, it means ‘beautiful’ in Dunmeri.”

_Of course, it means that._

She wasn’t sure what to say to that, and she quickly chugged the rest of her wine, starting to get more nervous as she sensed the inevitable arriving more quickly than she would like with not nearly enough wine.

He brought the bottle to her and poured her some more. He let her sip a bit more wine before he removed her cup. He didn’t want her drunk, as it was a strong vintage, just at ease. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her up to stand.

“Aren’t you having any wine?”

“No, I’m not nervous. Looking at you is all I need.”

She inwardly groaned at the awkwardness of his comment, not used to men talking to her as Casil did. 

“Just relax. I promise you, you will quite enjoy yourself.” 

She wasn’t so sure about that but reminded herself that she got to keep the tunic, something she really desired— _as long as I keep my promise_. 

Facing her, he started to undo the rest of her leather straps and removed her leather jacket. She found herself shaking a little, and her palms began to sweat. She hadn’t been with a man in a long time and tried not to think of her husband as Casil was touching her, but it was challenging to do. 

Once her jacket was removed, he gently grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in slowly so he could kiss her. 

_Mmmmmm...She has such lovely and soft lips._

He inserted his tongue into her mouth, and she closed her eyes as she tentatively responded with hers. He pulled away and started to gently move his hands under her tunic and touched her waist while planting delicate kisses on her neck and slowly drawing it up to remove it. 

The intimate touches caused a sudden rush of tears, and she quickly pulled her tunic back down. 

_I can’t do this_... 

Pulling away from him and struggling with emotions, she quickly ran out of the tent, unwittingly leaving behind her leather jacket and the spidersilk tunic as Vargr promptly followed after her. 

He saw the tears in her eyes, and he went to grab her to keep her from leaving, but she ran out too quickly as the wolf followed her closely behind. “Wait!” 

_I would have stopped had she asked me_.

He looked down and saw that she had left her armor. He quickly grabbed it and chased after her. 

********** 

Not used to running, he was entirely out of breath by the time he reached her camp. He had run after her for about a mile. With his hands on his knees and trying not to retch from the exertion, he suddenly backed up quickly as the wolf growled at him, baring her teeth, filling him with fear. 

Casil saw her sitting in her tent, knees drawn up and arms wrapped around her legs crying. She whistled for Vargr to back off, knowing Casil had followed her all the way to her tent. Vargr did as she was told and went to lie down next to Belene.

Casil coughed from being out of breath and a bit nervous now himself, if not a little terrified of the wolf. “I...uhm. I’m sorry I made you feel so upset. That wasn’t my intention, my dear.” 

She nodded, wiping away tears. “I know. It’s not you. I...I just miss my husband very much. He was the last one to touch me, and I felt like I was betraying him somehow.” 

He sat down across from her feeling guilty despite what she just told him. “I see. I presume he has passed?” He watched her nod. “I’m truly sorry for your loss.” 

“It was a long time ago, but I tend not to get over my losses very well. Where most people move on by now, I tend to hold on to them. I really wanted your lovely tunic and thought your suggestion would be OK. I do get lonely and thought I would not be betraying him if I didn’t get attached to another man. But, I just couldn’t go through with it.” She struggled with thoughts as to why she was telling him all this, unsure if she was trying to convince herself or this gentleman before her. 

“I don’t want to presume anything, as I didn’t know your husband, nor you for that matter. And, I’m really not trying to talk you into anything at all. But do you think he would want you to be so lonely?”

She looked over at Casil then and sighed heavily. “No, he would not. He was the most understanding person I had ever known.” 

She told him he wasn’t at fault, but he felt guilty nonetheless. Most women couldn’t resist his charms, and he loved women of all sorts. He couldn’t get tied down to one due to his work, but he really enjoyed their company and loved pleasing them. He tried to be honest with them, so they always knew where they stood with him. But she was different. She could easily deflect him, and he could see how much pain she was still having. 

After quite a bit of silence, he stood up, giving up on thoughts of ever having her. “Well, I have your gear here. You ran away so quickly, you left it behind.” 

“Oh...Thank you.” 

“You are quite welcome, my dear. Well, I will leave you to it then. I apologize again for hurting you; that was not my intention. I bid you farewell, lovely Belene. It was a pleasure.” With that, he bowed and headed back to his camp. 

She watched him leave, only with slight disappointment because she genuinely desired that tunic, but she wasn’t going to go through with it. It proved to be too much emotionally for her. She curled up in her bedroll, suddenly very tired as Vargr laid down beside her. Belene wrapped her arm around the wolf, playing with her fur until she fell asleep.

********** 

When she arose in the morning, she packed up her gear, put out the fire, and grabbed her leather jacket to put it back on and head out to...wherever. 

_I have truly become a depressed wanderer. This is getting ridiculous_ , she thought, finally realizing that after her encounter with Casil. _I can’t keep holding on to something that is no longer here forever._

As she opened up her folded jacket, she felt something soft and delicate between the leather. She brought the tunic up to her cheek and rubbed the delicate fabric on her skin, smiling with eyes closed. 

_He left it for me anyway, after all that_. 

She quickly removed her old rough tunic and put the new one on. She sighed in pleasure as the delicate fabric caressed her skin like warm waters washing over her. It felt like it was made especially for her. 

Grabbing all her gear, she finally headed out.

********** 

He was here only a few more days and was disappointed it didn’t work out between him and the lovely Belene. She was so beautiful and wanted to see all the ways he could please her. There certainly were other women and had no trouble finding them, but he lost the desire to chase after another one in the area. 

As he was wrapping up a purchase for a gentleman, he looked over to see Belene leaning against a large boulder in the tunic he gave to her. He knew she would be beautiful in it. It hugged her lovely curves, and he smiled, noting she kept the lacing quite loose as he couldn’t help but stare at her plump cleavage. He imagined a little corset pushing up those lovelies. He also hoped she was here for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Deciding she has been alone long enough, she gives in to have some sort of relationship without giving too much of herself.


	15. Guilty Pleasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene finds she enjoys having a companion without having to be emotionally invested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry, that this chapter is almost all smut, thus NSFW :).
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, commenting, kudos! It means so very much!! <3
> 
> Happy New Year!!

_Eight months later_

“By Dibella, you are stunning!” Casil exclaimed in pleasure. 

Belene spun around for him showing off her new leather armor he recently brought her back from his travels. It was made from the finest Netch leather. He made sure it was black to go with her lovely tunic. It was soft and supple, no need to work out any stiffness, and it completely hugged her curves with her breasts practically overflowing in the corset. The vision of her left him hard and wanting her. 

“Oh, I love it! It’s truly the most comfortable leather armor I have ever worn! Thank you so much, Casil!” Belene wrapped her arms around Casil's neck and kissed him as he grabbed her by the small of her back and pressed her against him, loving the feeling of her curves. 

“It is truly my pleasure, _yi daelha_! ***** I knew you would be stunning in it.” 

“You know, while I very much appreciate your gifts, Casil, you don’t have to bring me anything. Especially things so expensive. I know this wasn’t cheap.” 

“But I want to, my dear. I love to see you in your pleasure...any kind of pleasure, not just our intimate kind.” He reached out to her face and brushed a thumb across her cheek. 

“Well, it is quite pleasing. I wish I could see what it looked like, though.” 

“Mmmmm, I would be more than happy to describe it to you in the most delicious detail,” he purred as he nibbled on her neck and moved up to her long ear, making it twitch and sending goosebumps down her arms. She moaned into his kisses as he pulled away the tunic from one of her breasts and lightly pinched her sensitive nipple and rolled it between fingers, making her breathe a bit faster. 

Belene had found over the past several months when he would come back, quite surprisingly she really enjoyed his attentions. It took her a while to warm up to him, but eventually, she no longer felt so lonely. He was true to his word that he would make sure she had the utmost pleasure—that it wasn’t all about him, and soon she started looking forward to his return more often. 

She untied his elegant robe, pulled it off along with his tunic, and untied his leather breeches and pulled them off as well. His dark body completely naked as she got on her knees to take his hardness into her mouth. He hissed with her wet and warm mouth. Though she was familiar with pleasuring a man, he had taught her all the different ways to do so and she had become quite skilled in taking him fully into her mouth and enjoyed giving pleasure in her own right. 

She pulled back his foreskin and grasped him with one hand, inserting him into her warm mouth. He moaned out loud as he held her head and thrust slowly into her mouth, her lips tight around him as she swirled her tongue, especially when she reached his glans, sucking his tip. 

_Oh, how I missed this and that wonderfully swirling tongue of hers after being gone for two months._

It was going to take a lot to not spill too soon. He could feel her grab his base firmly, moving it in tandem to the rhythm of her mouth. She paused a bit to swirl her tongue on his tip then suck lightly on it, and resume her movements, taking him deeply into her mouth. He could feel heat spread through him as he built up.

“Yes, yes! Faster, my dear! Mmmmmmm!” 

She happily complied as he exploded into her mouth. With each thrust he moaned in pleasure and tried to control the shuddering course through his body as she sucked every drop out of him, squeezing his ass with her hands as gasped her head. When she was finished, he helped stand her up and kissed her lips clean. 

“As much as I love you in this armor, my dear, I really need you out of it...right now.” He started to undo all the straps and untie the corset, watching her breasts spill out. Casil got on his knees and pulled Belene's leather breeches down to the tops of her boots and opened the wet folds between her legs. He inserted a finger into her warm core, licking her as she moaned. 

_Yes, deliciously wet..._

Sucking his finger clean, loving her taste, he finally got back to undressing her. Casil eased her on his bedroll in the large tent and laid down beside her. He gently pried opened her legs as he was deeply kissing her, sucking on her tongue. He inserted a finger through her slick folds as she gyrated into his hand. 

He cast a spell on his hand with the softest of electricity and touched her on her most tender spot, causing her to arch her back and moan aloud as he licked her ear, making it twitch. She always loved it when he used his spells on her down there. It made her orgasms that much stronger. 

“Oh Gods, that feels...uh…”

As he rubbed her, he grabbed her hair from the back of her head firmly so he could watch her face in her pleasure. He always loved watching her. She closed her eyes, breathing heavily and bit her bottom lip as her face would flush red with pleasure. Then her brow would furrow, parting her lips open and eyes would scrunch tightly, moaning loudly with the hopeful release.

“Tell me, my dear…,” he whispered.

“Mmmm, Casil…that feels...so good. Please don’t stop!” 

“Mmmmmm, yes, my dear. I love watching and hearing you in your pleasure. Such a beautiful sight to behold.” He loved watching her eyes glaze over and look sleepy in her sexual fog, her bud finally pulsing on his fingers as she finally released, knowing he did that to her. _A perfect vision_. 

They laid there for a bit, him nibbling on her breasts until he was ready again so he could be inside her. He knew she loved that too. 

When they were done, he was lightly swirling a finger around the areolas of her breasts. “Are you ever going to tell me the story, Bel?” 

“The story of what?” She knew what he was asking. She wasn’t normally passive-aggressive, but she found herself wanting to be difficult because she didn't want to talk about it. 

He knew she wouldn’t tell him, but he asked anyway. “Your scars.” 

“No, I don’t want to talk about that. We have had a wonderful time together, and I don’t want it to turn into a bout of sadness and pain.” 

“Fair enough,” he relented. 

He laid back down and pulled her in close to him to hold her. He wanted to know more about her, but she refused to talk about anything other than a few of her adventures. He already knew she was married before, and he passed away. She didn’t really ask him any questions either, but he told her about himself regardless. 

As they fell asleep, Vargr, crawled to sleep next to Belene like she did every night. It took a while for Casil to get over his nervousness of the wolf, but eventually, Vargr was really just a part of Belene, and he grew more and more comfortable with the wolf. 

********** 

She could feel the snow about to arrive as the air was getting colder and filled with more moisture; the skies were heavy with clouds. She sat close to the fire for heat on her feet and tried to rub away the pain. Her whole body hurt, but the pain in her feet was always worse. 

“Here, let me do that.” 

“No, it’s OK. I got it. I always ache when the weather starts to turn for the worse.” 

“Bel, please let me do that. I have a special way to take away the pain.” 

She really didn’t want him rubbing her scarred feet, afraid he would ask more questions, but she reluctantly gave in as they were hurting quite a bit and her rubbing wasn’t helping at all. 

In one hand, he lit up with a healing spell and the other, the lowest amount of flame that would feel just warmth instead of hot. He grabbed one foot and massaged it with the healing and the heat as she almost wept with the relief he gave her. 

“Oh my, that...that…,” she could barely grunt out. 

“...is wonderful? Indeed. I use it whenever I get some pains.” 

Once one foot was done, he worked on the other. 

“Thank you so much...that feels perfect!”

“You are quite welcome, my dear. Anywhere else hurting?” He was sure she did with all her scarring. He knew she had quite a bit of damage from something that she refused to talk about. 

“Now that you mention it, pretty much my entire body.” 

He chuckled lightly. “Well, we will have to do something about that, won’t we? Remove all your close, please, and lie down on the bedroll on your stomach.” 

Once Belene was on her stomach, he massaged her entire body with his warm and healing hands. 

“Urgh, where have you been all my life, Casil!” 

He laughed at that, happy to take away her pain. As she was feeling better, he moved his hand down to her ass, feeling her soft and smooth round skin and bent down to kiss each plump cheek. He slid a finger in between and rubbed her tight hole, then ran a finger to her folds to make her wet and back to make the hole slick. 

Casil pulled Belene's hips into the air, keeping her chest to the bedroll and sat behind her, licking her up and down from her ass to her bud. The sensation made her extremely wet and she moaned loudly, which made him extremely happy and made him hard. As he licked her most sensitive spot, he rubbed her tight hole with his thumb until she could take it no more, convulsing on his tongue and licked up all her wetness.

“Feel better now, my dear?” he asked when he was done. 

She laid heavily back down on her stomach. “Uh-huh…” She was barely able to speak between the massage and being pain-free to the orgasm. 

He smiled at her delirium and let her rest as he pressed gentle kisses along her back. 

The next morning they had a bit of breakfast before he had to pack up and leave again. 

He was just watching this beautiful woman eat some bread with a smile on her face because she wasn’t in pain. The more time he spent with her, the more he was drawn to her. He slowly started letting go of the other women on his travels, finding himself thinking about her more and more—only looking forward to seeing her again. 

Belene wasn’t like the others. She didn’t need to be showered with gifts and tender words, though Casil gave them to her anyway because it pleased him to do so. She was real and made no demands out of him. It was hard to get her out of his mind when he traveled.

He went over to sit behind her before he had to pack up finally and kissed her neck tenderly as she bent her head to accept his touches. 

“You are so beautiful, _yi daelha_. I know you don’t care about such things, but you just make my heart beat faster when I look at you.” 

She smiled shyly, always unable to say anything when she was complimented. 

“When are you coming back, Casil?” 

“In two months' time. I’m not sure I could stand to be away from you for any longer than that.” 

“What about the other women? Surely you have women like me at other locations to pass the time.” 

Her question surprised Casil. That was the first time she had ever asked about the other women. Most of the other women nagged at him, demanding more of his time and questioned him about his others. He didn’t expect Belene to ask - she never asked. 

“Does it bother you?” 

“No. I was just wondering why you would miss me so.” 

_How could I not with this woman?_

“Actually, I don’t have as many as you would think. I stopped seeing most of the women.” 

“Why?” 

He nibbled her earlobe. “You have been all I have needed.” 

She smiled at him as he kissed her, but her smile started to fade as she got lost in thought with what he had just revealed to her. 

“Well, I need to get my cart loaded and head out. I look forward to our next meeting, my dear!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Casil finds he wants more from Belene than what they originally agreed upon.
> 
> * 'my love' unofficially in Dunmeri.


	16. Love and Rejection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bel discovers the real reason behind her needing to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos!! It means so very much!! <3

By Azura, he missed her. Casil was missing her more and more every time he left on one of his travels. She was the only woman in his life now, after a year together, as she gave him all that he ever craved or desired—all but one thing. He never thought there would be a day that one woman could pin him down. 

After they made love, he held her tightly, planting light kisses on her face and neck. 

"I have another gift for you from my travels." 

"Oh, Casil, you didn't…" 

"Yes, I did. Close your eyes." 

She chuckled. "Before I start arguing about gift-giving, can you please tell me why you have to tell a blind woman to close her eyes?" 

He laughed out loud to that. "Because you have quite the uncanny ability to know everything despite the fact, my dear." 

"Well, you have me there. But really I can't accept any more gifts, Casil. I don't even have a home. I have to carry everything, and my bag is getting quite heavy." 

"I promise you, this one is small." 

"You need to stop bringing me things. I really don't need anything else. I appreciate it all, but really, enough." 

"Very well, just one more gift then...I promise." 

She sighed. "OK, one more, and it is done." 

"As you command, _merdekhes_." 

She closed her eyes, and he grabbed her hand to drop it in her palm. She picked it up with her other hand and felt it, spinning it around with her fingers. _A ring_? 

"I saw this ring and instantly thought of you. It is gold inlaid with small green emeralds around the band. You look so beautiful in green. It must be your Bosmer nature. The color suits you."

"Thank you, Casil. I wish I could see it. It's frustrating sometimes to not be able to see things as they are. Though I found you can be quite descriptive," she laughed lightly. 

He touched her face and pulled her toward him for a kiss. He held her in the bedroll and watched her twisting the ring around her finger. She still wore her husband's ring on her thumb, unable to let it go, he noted. Suddenly he found himself getting nervous.

"Bel?" 

"Hmmm?" she replied as she was kissing his face. 

"Well, the ring isn't just a gift." 

She stopped kissing him and looked at him with confusion in her eyes. 

"What do you mean?"

"I...uhm…" 

Casil was rarely at a loss for words or saying the right thing, and now he was finding himself tongue-tied. 

"I was thinking that I would like to open up a shop, not in Windhelm, for obvious reasons, but maybe another town, and I would like you to come with me."

"You aren't going to travel anymore?"

"Well, I haven't found a shop as of yet, but that is my plan. I want you there with me and live in a house. You deserve a home, a place you belong. 

"Casil...I…I..." 

"Please let me finish before I'm unable." 

She nodded but was dreading what she knew was coming. _He’s going to ask for marriage. I can’t!_

He took a deep breath and let it out. "I...I want to know if you would marry me."

She closed her eyes and felt her stomach drop. "Why now? What's changed?" 

He was hoping for quite a different reaction. He should have known better than to assume Bel would behave as the other women would have had he asked them the same question. They all demanded marriage from him, but not her. But he thought with all their intimate times they spent together that maybe she was feeling more.

She was silent, processing what he was saying and trying to find a way to reject him and keep what they have, but he pressed on, hoping to get a more positive reaction from her.

"I have grown quite attached to you, Bel. You are so real and kind and honest. You don't demand or complain. You are smart, clever and beautiful. I would be a fool to not want you permanently in my life." 

"I thought this was just for pleasure and fun." 

"Well, it is...you were...it was, in the beginning. I have grown quite fond of you and have found myself now in love with you. You do something to me and I find myself thinking about you the entire time I am gone. When I see you when I get back, my heart just soars." 

"I see…" 

This was not going as well as he had hoped. He sensed a dread coming on. Belene would have said yes by now had she wanted him in that way. He waited for the rejection…"But?" 

"I really like you very much, Casil. I am sorry, but I cannot." 

She quickly got up to get dressed, finding herself suddenly upset as tears started spilling. 

"Why does this upset you, Bel?" he asked, getting upset in his own right. "Have I not been good enough for you? Do I not treat you well enough?" 

"You are! You have! I…" 

"Then what? What have I done wrong?"

"Nothing, you've been wonderful...I...I just can't! I'm still married!" she started to really cry then. 

"You are not married any longer." He regretted his words as soon as he said them. _I could have handled that better, dammit_.

Her tearful eyes narrowed in anger. "I'm not a fool, Casil! I know he's dead! But, I feel like being with another man like that I will betray him somehow! I told you this already!! I can never marry again." 

She started to leave before he grabbed her back. "Please, Belene. Don't go… I won't ask again. I just want to be with you is all." 

"It's not just that…"

"Then what is it." 

She was silent for a long while, unsure of how much to tell him. "You are the third man I have ever been with in my life, and the first one was a damned rape! And, everyone I love...dies! I've lost my first parents, my second parents, my child, and my husband. I can't do it again. If I love you...you...you will die! It will kill me! I can't take it!" She shocked herself at this revelation as her real truth surfaced.

That took him aback. Belene never talked about her past, and this was quite the revelation. 

_So she could love me. She's just afraid to._

The thought made him feel a bit better; _well, it isn’t worse anyway_. "It's OK. We don't have to go there, my dear. Just stay with me. I will be happy with whatever you are willing to give."

She looked back at him, crying. "It's not OK, and no, you wouldn't. You will always want more than I can give you. I...I thought we had a good thing going. I enjoyed it a lot, but I just can't give you what you want. I'm so very sorry. 

Belene whistled for Vargr and left. 

He looked down on the bedroll to see the ring he had given her lying there. How could it have gone so wrong so quickly? He knew then that she didn't feel the same way about him. She didn't love him as he loved her. Casil had hoped, despite what Belene previously explained to him that she had grown to feel more about him over the past year they had been together. But she never lied to him. She was always honest about that. He was a fool. He now knew how the other women in his life felt 

_By Azura, I will miss her greatly_. 

********** 

Why did he have to ruin it with love! They had a good thing going! _Dammit_! Part of her wanted to go back to him and apologize and hold him, but she held fast. She did care for him... 

_No, I cannot give him what he wants. I like him very much, but I don't love him._

She finally realized that she was mainly just afraid to lose anyone else to death; refused to love again. 

She packed up her camp and headed to her little home, never to see Casil again. She needed to talk to her husband. 

********** 

"Why can't I move on from you, husband? Why do I refuse myself love and companionship? I just can't let you go. Plus, I'm afraid. I'm so afraid if I fall in love they will die too. Everyone I have ever loved is dead." 

Vargr always knew when her elf was upset and put her heavy head on her lap as she talked to the dirt. 

Belene was upset, but a new emotion surfaced—the ever-familiar anger. But the anger was directed at herself this time. Her inability or unwillingness to let go and enjoy life. 

"I need a new home, Helvar. I just can't keep roaming all of Skyrim waiting until I can finally join you." 

She spent the rest of the day fixing up their little house as it was starting to fall apart. She nailed up boards and fixed some holes in the roof, hung up the door. She wasn't sure why she bothered. She guessed she just couldn't bring herself to let it go to ruin—another thing she couldn't let go. Well, she knew...her husband and child were buried there, and their home was a place of great happiness and love. 

She kissed the two gravestones. "I love you so much, but I don't know when I will be back again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: A new mark and a new opportunity.


	17. Sizing Up The Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our Belene and Vargr find their way to Riften for work and a new home or at least a place to sleep for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! It means so much and keeps me striving to write better! <3

Belene decided she needed a change in her life and a home. Her current life was one big, depressive mess, though the past year hadn't been terrible with Casil as she quite enjoyed him when he was around. She also couldn't go live in her and Helvar’s little house. For her to be able to move on, she couldn't do it there. She didn't want to be too far from Helvar, but she didn't want to be alone anymore either. She needed a place of her own that wasn't a tent and always on the move.

That meant staying in the Rift and find a town that could surround Belene with people without having to commit to anyone in particular. Casil had given her what she needed, but he eventually wanted more than she could emotionally give. 

She chose Riften as probably the best thing for her, not that the Rift provided much else. It is where she married Helvar, but they weren't there long enough or often enough, so there weren't too many memories tied to the place as long as she avoided the Temple of Mara. 

When Belene reached Riften, before she even got through the gates, the guards had tried to extort money out of her just to be able to enter the town. Calling them out on their scam, they quickly let her through for fear of being caught. Soon after, some large, burly man tried to stop her in a threatening manner as soon as she got past the gates. She had been there a few times turning in bounties and wondered what had changed from the last time she was there. That was several years ago, though. Maybe she hadn't cared enough to notice before. 

"I don't know you. You in Riften lookin' for trouble?” said the deep and grating voice. 

_I barely walk twenty feet, and I've had two people causing me trouble already. What happened to this town?_

She scoffed at the man and kept on walking. 

"Hey! I'm talkin' to you!" he yelled back at her. 

He was threatening enough that Vargr bared her teeth and growled at him to back off. 

"You better listen to my friend here, _sir_." 

Maul raised his hands in defense as she continued into Riften. 

Riften smelled like sewage and rotting fish as if people just dumped their garbage and waste in the canals—perhaps they did. It was just like she remembered from the last time she was here from several years ago. She headed straight to The Bee and Barb for a meal and to rent a room, remembering where it was the last time she and Helvar stayed there. 

When she walked in, the Argonian innkeeper shrieked gutturally at her about Vargr. "That beast is NOT allowed in here. Keep it outside!" 

Belene calmly opened the door, whistled a couple of times, and Vargr went outside to wait by the door. She wasn't going to sleep without Vargr, so if Vargr wasn't allowed in, then she would have to find someplace else to sleep tonight. She passed on the room and just grabbed a meat pie and mead to go with a raw goat leg for Vargr. 

She ignored everyone as she knew people always stared at her blindness and her ability to walk in a straight line, and in part due to Vargr. Once she reached outside, Belene walked forward, remembering where the market was and headed that way with Vargr close behind. She saw the shape of a man ripe with body odor and heard him begging for coin, so she handed him a couple of coins with some bread she just bought and sat down to eat her food. Vargr laid down by her feet and happily ate her raw leg of goat.

********** 

The man watched the newcomer enter Riften. He always kept his eye out either for recruiting or for marks. As the Wood Elf went into The Bee and Barb with her wolf, he wondered how she got past his guards— _possibly a recruit?_ She was tough to miss with her silky ash-blonde hair, blind eyes, and her wolf. 

_One doesn't see that very often_ , he thought as he could hear the whispers of a strange blind woman with a wolf from others. 

She was hard not to notice. As he kept a close watch on her, eyeing her appearance for any tell-tale signs that told him more about her. He noted she was wrapped in a black fur wrap and form-fitting black armor, and also strangely carried a bow. Now _that_ made him especially curious. 

_Now how does a blind person use a bow?_

He was also intrigued about how she managed actually to train a wolf of all things. They tended to be vicious and feral, especially the ice wolves. But this wolf was well-trained, responding to all her different whistles and calm around people, though he had no doubt it would kill for her in an instant. He certainly wouldn't want to cross her with her wolf by her side, though he was sure the elf could handle herself regardless. 

He watched her come out of the inn loaded with food, handing her wolf a leg of goat as it carried it happily in its maw. She started to approach the market where he was selling his fake Falmer remedies and walked with confidence as if she weren't blind at all. He then saw her give a couple of coins and some bread to the beggar. He could tell she didn't have a lot of money but spared a few just for the beggar anyway. 

_Charity? Not precisely a thief trait. Though to be fair, the Guild treats the homeless rather well to use them to be the Guild's eyes and ears. But that is not her goal, clearly._

She seemed caring, but he was certain there was some larceny in her blood. She may be perfect for his next job after all and clearly in need of money. She was new, so no one would know her, and blind—no one would suspect the blind girl. Though, if she couldn't see, he wasn't sure how valuable she would be to him, so he continued to observe her to see if she would be a benefit or a hindrance. But he had a nose for these things, and his nose was telling him she could be a benefit. 

When she was done with her picnic, she was spinning a man's wedding ring on her thumb— _Husband_? There's grief in her eyes— _Widowed_. She looked too young for that, but who knew with elves, he thought as he watched her trying to keep from being upset and her wolf, sensing her distress licked her face. She tried to smile and held her wolf tightly around its neck, petting it in return. 

He could hear her talking to her wolf and smiled lightly. _"Urgh, Vargr...your breath stinks! Let's get you some water."_ She got up and walked back to The Bee and Barb to get her wolf some water and came back with a wooden bowl, careful not to spill any. 

_She sure doesn't move like she's blind at all_. 

The thought made him even more curious and wondered how she was able to move so freely. She may be perfect after all—his nose was rarely wrong. 

********** 

She sensed the man walking up to her, so she looked up expectantly as he approached, knowing already what he was going to ask her. 

_How did she…?_

She raised a hand to stop him. "Before you ask, I can see shapes and colors. I'm not completely blind. My senses are stronger than most,” she spoke before he could ask in a bored, monotone voice, clearly tired of people asking. 

He chuckled at her. "You must get asked that a lot then, lass."

"Clearly," was all she said, not laughing in return as she petted her wolf. 

"Your wolf is beautiful. What's her name?" 

"This is Vargr. And, before you ask that as well...I saved her from certain death, and she hasn't left my side since." 

The wolf panted happily as if she understood what her master was saying. _Who knew, maybe she does_. 

"What brings you to Riften, lass?"

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. This man had one of those voices that was mellifluous and smooth—too smooth. Like Gaius' voice. He was certainly not a man she could trust, not that she had anything to hide, but she didn't know yet what he really wanted, not that it mattered. 

Ignoring his question, he watched her stand up and leave the market area. 

_She clearly does not trust me for some reason_. 

The man knew most people took a liking to him and trusted him easily with his eyes and voice. He wondered if she could sense something most could not, which meant she had good instincts and could definitely be a benefit to him. 

"Wait, lass...please, if you would for a moment." 

She stopped curiosity always got the better of her. 

"Clearly, you're not the trusting sort. You have good instincts, and I respect that, but I see you are a little light on coin." 

"So, you're telling me I'm right to walk away, but with my wealth or lack thereof, you're telling me to stay? My wealth is really none of your business," she said, arms folded with her foot out. It was a stance of annoyance rather than a defensive one. 

"I think you may be wise just to hear me out. It certainly wouldn't hurt. Look, I know about wealth. I make wealth my business. Maybe you would like a taste of it." 

_I do need a home, and I need coin for that. He isn't wrong when he mentioned my light pockets. I just don't like being scrutinized like that_. 

"So, what illicit act would you like me to do then?" 

_She is an observant one. She's definitely older than she looks—Experience? She's certainly had some sort of run-in with the law, but not to the extent I have, probably out of necessity only._

He chuckled a little at her comment. "Haha, you are a clever lass, aren't you? I've got a bit of an errand to perform, but I need an extra pair of hands. And in my line of work, extra hands are well-paid."

She expected him to get annoyed with her observation, but he just laughed it off, taking it all in stride as he answered her question with his smooth voice. 

She sighed heavily, the need for money outweighing her caution. "Fine, let's hear it. What do you need me to do?" 

He knew he reigned her in right then— _money always talks when one was in need of it_. All he had to do was yank the line and she was hooked. 

"It's simple, really. I'm going to cause a distraction, and you're going to steal Madesi's silver ring from a strongbox under his stand. Once you have it, I want you to place it in Brand-Shei's pocket without him noticing." 

She looked at him incredulously, trying not to gape at him, as if he'd lost his mind. "Simple? You do realize I'm blind, right? How am I supposed to know who these people are and then break into a strongbox? I have never broken into anything locked and don't even own lockpicks." 

He read people very well; he had to for his job and was confident she could pull this off. He handed a set of lockpicks to the mer and gently led her by the elbow to show who was the target, and what she had to do. She quickly yanked her elbow back and Vargr growled at him. 

"I can walk just fine. Just lead."

_Well, she's a firebrand_ …"Sorry, lass. I meant no offense." 

After he told her how to pick a lock and showed her who was who and she memorized their shapes, she went off to remove her fur wrap so it wouldn't get in the way then whistled to Vargr to stay back. 

He suddenly choked on nothing but air, almost unable to start his distraction when he saw her without her fur wrap— _Gods, that is quite some armor!_ It fitted all her curves beautifully, and the corset really emphasized her bust. That armor was specially made just for her. There was no way she could have afforded such a thing, and he wondered who gave it to her— _Lover?_ It wouldn't surprise him if she had one; a wealthy one. 

She found the strongbox, and while everyone was distracted, she took the picks and fitted them into the lock as he explained to her. She inserted the picks by touch, her impeccable hearing allowed her to hear the latches and bolts move. After a few tries, she heard a definitive click and knew she was in. Feeling around through all the junk, she grabbed a ring. Then she quietly walked towards the shape of the Dunmer she knew from their distinctive smell. He had a pocket in his jacket that was slightly opened as she delicately felt around while the Nord man kept everyone distracted, and she just dropped it in. 

When she was done, she headed back to Vargr. He saw she had finished and wrapped up his distraction, then headed her way as Brand-Shei was hauled off by a couple of guards for theft. 

"I knew I chose the right person for the job. I must say, you learned lockpicking like a pro. And, here you go...your payment just as I promised." 

She pocketed the coins, grabbed her fur wrap, and started to walk way. The only thing on her mind then was finding a place to sleep for the night. 

"The way things have been going on around here, it's a relief that our plan went off without a hitch." 

_Damned curiosity!_

"Why, what's been going on?" 

He couldn't help but stare at her chest as he was talking to her and could see a few scars peeping through, wondering what had happened to her. It wasn’t that she was falling out of her armor. It was open just enough to let the mind wander.

"Bah. My organization's been having a run of bad luck, but I suppose that's just how it goes. But never mind that, you did the job and you did it well. Best of all, there's more where that came from. If you think you can handle it." 

"Admittedly, the money's nice, but I don't know… I've only really stollen when I was desperate." 

_I knew it_ , he thought, loving to be right. 

"Look, I'll make this simple for you. The group I represent has its home in the Ratway beneath Riften in a tavern called the Ragged Flagon. When you make up your mind, come find me there, and we'll talk about your future...just follow the smell." 

"I'll think about it."

"Please do. I've got a nose for these things, lass, and think you could do well.”

As he was walking away, she yelled out to him. "Wait…" 

He turned around, curious to see if she had already changed her mind. 

"Would there be a bed for Vargr and me?" 

"Aye, lass." _Needs money and a place to sleep_ , he thought, knowing he would see her soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Getting used to a new job and clashing with the bosses.


	18. Home of Ill Repute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene is forced to prove herself and she finds that Brynolf isn't as charming as when she first met him and they quickly butt heads, but at least she has a bed to sleep in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! It means so much!!

Belene decided to take the man up on his offer, or at least see what it was all about, then maybe have a place to sleep. Perhaps she could make enough coin to purchase a home of her own. What she had previously been doing didn't produce nearly enough coin, even with her minimal expenses. 

"'Follow the smell' he said," talking to herself and scoffed at no one as she tried to find the man who hired her earlier that day. _The whole fucking place smells!_

But follow her nose she did with the ever-watchful Vargr close behind, heading towards the canal and finally finding a door that lead through the sewage system. As soon as she entered through the door, two ruffians blocked her way, sensing an easy mark, but soon gave her a wide berth when they saw Vargr baring her teeth at them. 

She wasn't sure how she was going to find this place. She had already gotten lost twice, and being blind didn't help matters, especially in areas she was unfamiliar with. After about an hour, she came to some large room and then she smelled it; food and old, stale mead. Opening the door, the stench gave way to the smells of a tavern. The rushing waters keeping the worst of the sewage odors at bay, but couldn't mask the dank smells of mold. 

She could hear several people talking and soon recognized the honeyed voice as she headed their way, following their voices. 

"Give it up, Brynjolf... those days are over." 

I'm telling you, this one is different..." 

_So, his name must be Brynjolf_. She didn't think to ask him first. 

As she walked up to the people talking, she heard a couple of gasps, unsure if it was due to her blindness or Vargr—probably both. 

_"I can see why Brynolf brought her in."_

Belene's sensitive hearing heard whispering from a woman to someone else followed by a couple of women sniggering. Belene inwardly rolled her eyes, but she hoped it wasn't her appearance that caught his eye. That would make things complicated for her, and she would have to find an alternate means of getting coin.

When she reached the group of people talking, she heard the smooth voice off to her left, then recognized his shape. 

"Well, well...color me impressed, lass. I wasn't certain I'd ever see you again!" he said, lying, knowing she would definitely find her way down to him. 

"I impressed myself, considering they should call the place Ratmaze instead of Ratway. Being blind and finding my way around a labyrinth wasn't easy. But, I'm here…," she sighed, hoping there was a bed at the end of all this. 

"No risk, no reward. That's the way it goes, so you better get used to it. Now...if you're done bellyaching like a child, how about handling a few deadbeats for me?" 

_Fuck you too, buddy. So much for his smooth charms and honeyed words._

"That's it? No introductions? Who are you people?" 

"Just do this job, and then we can talk further, lass. Deal?" 

"So, you want me to 'handle' deadbeats? I'm assuming you want me to get physical with them...bloody their little noses?" she sassed, dripping with sarcasm.

"Aye, that's the plan. Just no killing." 

"Does it look like I'm a murderer? I don't get physical with people either, _Slick_. I am not really physically able to do that.” 

_Did she just call me ‘Slick?’_

His eyes narrowed, annoyed with her little name-calling. "Look, lass. I don't care how you do it. Just get me the damned coin and leave them a 'message,' or you can just leave. You know where the door is." 

_Asshole. This better be worth it. This is precisely why I don't trust smooth voices. If ‘Slick’ thinks I’m going to be a pushover, he’s got another thing coming._

She heard more sniggering as she headed back the way she came to get some coin from the 'deadbeats.' 

The first stop was Haelga's bunkhouse. She had to ask the locals to even know where the place was. Once inside, she then had to ask where Haelga could even be found since she had no idea of the woman's shape or scent. 

Once Belene figured out where she was, she took a seat on a bench across the room while Haelga was talking to a girl— _is she really talking about sex...now?_

Belene crossed her legs and draped her arms around the backrest, looking as relaxed and easy-going as she could. She wasn't going to beat the woman—just do a little threatening with Vargr was close by, but out of sight. 

"You Haelga? I have a message from Brynjolf." 

The woman smirked, looking at the blind Wood Elf sitting down. _Brynjolf must be getting desperate these days. She had heard rumors the Thieves' Guild was struggling. Am I supposed to be afraid of a blind elf...really, Brynjolf?_

"What does he want now? I already explained to him that you can't get blood from a stone."

"This isn't about the money anymore." 

"Look, I can't make the coin appear out of thin air. I'll pay next month." She brushed Belene aside with a wave of her hand, not in the least intimidated by her. 

"Then you're going to have to pay another way." 

"Ha! Is that a threat?! Are we to fight now? What a joke! I would love to see you try, though." 

Belene whistled twice in quick succession. Vargr slowly crouched, walking up to Haelga with her ears flattened, teeth bared and growling. 

_Where did that wolf come from?_ She swallowed hard, slowly backing up until she hit a wall. With nowhere else to go, she finally paid up. 

"Here...take your damn coin and get out of here!"

Belene whistled one more time, and Vargr backed off, much to the relief of Haelga. 

Belene left onto the next two 'deadbeats.' 

********** 

"Potions?! You're giving me damned potions for what I just did? No, you are going to pay me...in coin! That was the deal when you asked me here, _Slick._ "

Brynjolf eyed the Bosmer, wondering if she was worth the trouble. She was successful in both jobs. Headstrong and fiery as Oblivion, though. She's lucky there was no one to hear them, otherwise, he would have had to control her. 

"Aren't you a smart lass. Well, the job's done, and you even brought the gold. Best of all you did it clean. I like that. Dumping bodies and keeping the guards quiet can be expensive. Very well, you've earned it." He was calm and smooth again, conveying none of his annoyance. 

She was expecting him to tear into her, but she didn't care. Instead, he returned to his honeyed voice and calm, which was why she now referred to him as ‘Slick.’ 

"So, what's next, then? Are you finally going to tell me what this is all about? I'm assuming, based on today's job, that you are some sort of crime syndicate?" 

"Well, judging from how well you handled those shopkeepers, I'd say you've done more than simply prove yourself. We need people like you in our outfit. So, I will tell you. I am Brynjolf and second in charge. Yes, we are the Thieves' Guild, an organization of professional thieves. We also provide certain jobs for 'clients' as well. You in then and what should I call you?" 

She decided to refrain from calling him Slick again. She didn't want to push her luck. "Yes, I heard your name earlier. I'm Belene. I guess I’m in as long as there is coin and a bed." 

"Haha, that's the spirit, lass. Now, if you follow me, I will introduce you to our leader, who will officially welcome you," he said as he started walking for her to follow him. 

_He's Mr. Charm again...manipulative bastard._

Once they entered the Cistern, she heard a man yell, his voice echoing off the moldy stone walls, directing his ire at Vargr. 

"Get that fucking mutt out of here!" he growled. 

Belene got closer to Vargr protectively. If Vargr had to go, so would she. So she tried to talk him into letting her keep Vargr with her. "Sorry...uhm. But, I…" 

Brynjolf quickly interrupted. He knew if the wolf had to go, so would Belene. They needed her. "Mercer, her wolf is now part of this family. The wolf helps her see, and it clearly helped out in retrieving all the coin owed us today." 

Mercer looked at the blind girl up and down, then scoffed. "How is a blind girl any use to us, wolf or no wolf?"

Brynjolf whispered so she couldn't hear, but she always could. It was a useful ability, sometimes. 

"I'm telling you, this girl is going to turn things around for us. You know I have a nose for these things. She sees things we cannot and has great instincts. Besides no one suspects the blind girl. I think turning her away will be a mistake." 

Mercer scoffed again, not whispering. "Fine, but if that wolf hurts anyone here, I will kill it myself!" 

Vargr suddenly growled at the man, but before he could do anything, Belene laid a gentle hand on the wolf's head and calmed her down. Mercer just walked away, scowling.

"Mercer! Aren't you forgetting something?"

Mercer turned around, "Oh, yeah. Welcome to the Thieves' Guild. I hope you don't disappoint." 

"Charming fellow," she whispered.

"Haha, that's just his way. Don't take it to heart, lass." 

Once that strange introduction was made, Brynjolf introduced her to the rest of the crew. 

"And here is your bed, lass. There is a chest to store your things at the foot of the bed."

She hoped she could sleep here. The falling water sounds were gentle, reminding her of sleeping outside, but she knew she would be surrounded by all men. It made her feel slightly uncomfortable, but it was better than in the sewers or the streets. At least with Vargr, she knew no one would dare touch her. 

"What's the problem, lass? I can see your wheels turning in that pretty little head of yours." 

She sighed and dropped her gear by her bed. "Nothing... it's fine.” 

"Go see Vex or Delvin in the morning for some more jobs. Welcome to the Thieves' Guild, lass.

She was exhausted. It had been a long day, but she was grateful for a place to sleep that wasn't outside and she certainly didn't want to sleep on the streets of Riften. She felt uncomfortable removing her armor in front of everyone, but she couldn't sleep in it either. Once it was removed she quickly covered herself with fur and then reached in her bag to pull out the pelt she slept with every night. She curled up into the bed and called Vargr into it as she played with the wolf's velvety ears before falling asleep. 

Brynjolf just watched her as she uncomfortably removed her armor. _She probably doesn't like being surrounded by men and knows we are watching_. He could hardly blame her really, especially since they were doing just that—all of them were. 

But watch he did as he stared at her in her expensive tunic. She was relatively small in stature, but she was undoubtedly proportionate. Looking more closely, he saw her body was covered in freckles and more scars, wondering where she got so many of them, making him strangely want to know her story when he usually didn't care about such things. He then watched her pull out this piece of fur and hold it to her face. 

_For comfort? Memories?_

Brynolf pulled his eyes away from her, then headed to the Flagon to get some ale. As he was leaving, he snapped his fingers and waved a hand at the men to stop staring at her, despite him doing the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Ghosts and past traumas.


	19. The Snake and The Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene faces someone she thought she would never see again and everything comes crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, commenting and kudos! It means so much!!

Belene had been with the Thieves' Guild for a few weeks doing burglary jobs, a couple of numbers jobs, and a shill job. She had 1,025 coins saved so far that she kept locked in her chest, not that it mattered. All the thieves there could easily pick it, so she hoped no one would touch it. She made sure to count it regularly. 

The jobs weren't easy for her, but she was quickly learning. At least she hadn’t been caught yet. She would practice with some of the Guild members on how to pickpocket and use lockpicks. Being stealthy wasn't a problem for her from years of hunting since she always had to be quiet. She had the added benefit of being blind if one could call it a benefit—as they said, no one suspected the blind girl. 

The thieving work nagged at her in the back of her mind. She lost her family due to thievery, but Gaius had been a special kind of asshole. While he didn't actually use the blade to kill her family, he was still responsible for their deaths nonetheless. She may have been a periodic thief through most of her life, she didn't want to do this as a regular profession, not wanting to come across a situation where she would be forced to kill someone over some trinkets. The day she would be forced to make that choice would be the day she turned her back on the Thieves' Guild. She was glad, at least, they didn’t condone murder. 

After she received a job from Delvin, she headed into the Cistern to grab her weapons and head out. As she was walking in, she wasn't paying attention to where she was going and crashed right into another Guild member, who apparently wasn't paying attention either. 

He looked down at his fellow Guild member to apologize, but she had a hood on, and he didn't recognize her. It wasn't as if there were many women in the Guild. _She must be a new member_. "Pardon me, my dear! Completely my fault!" he said in his smooth and honeyed voice with a slight lilt. 

He bowed and started to walk off as Belene stopped dead in her tracks with that sense of dread combined with the feelings of vertigo in her stomach as horrible memories of her past flooded the mind. _No!_ Even after 13 years, she would recognize that voice anywhere. Every thought she had disappeared into the void of her mind as all she could think about was killing this man. 

"YOU!!!" she growled at the man's back. 

He turned around, startled as she started to charge at him with her dagger drawn. He couldn’t see her face, but her intent was clear. He quickly backed off with his hands raised, sensing the threat. 

_Oh, but I'm going to kill him slowly, then I'm going to cut his fucking balls off and make him eat them!_

She had never been a very dark person, but all that pent up anger from years ago that was pushed aside for so long came pouring out of her like a cracked dam that finally burst. The death in her mind could rival any assassin from the Dark Brotherhood at that moment. 

"I'm going to fucking cut your shriveling balls off and make you eat them!!!" she screeched. 

Brynjolf looked up quickly from his work as he heard Belene yell and saw she was about to kill another member. _Fuck!_ He ran to her and tightly grabbed her from behind before she started stabbing. He pried the dagger out of her hand and threw it to the ground but that didn’t stop her from trying to kill the man, so he had to pin her arms down to hold her in place, not knowing what set her off enough to kill a member of the Guild. 

"What in Oblivion is going on, lass?! What has gotten into you?!" he yelled.

"Let me fucking go!!! I will kill him!!!" she screamed, thrashing and trying to escape, her legs flailing out. She stomped hard on Brynjolf's foot to get out of his grasp and when that didn’t work, kicked back at his shins. He grimaced in pain but held tight. 

"Lass, you can't kill one of our members! Stop and calm down so you can tell me what in Oblivion is going on!"

"NO!!!! Let...me...fucking... _go_!!!!” All she felt was rage and was doing everything she could to escape Brynjolf’s tight grasp.

Everyone could hear the commotion, and all gathered to watch what was going on to see what got the new member so riled up. The boredom of the day soon vanished as they watched to see if she would manage to get free and kill him. 

She whistled as Vargr came rushing towards Brynjolf to attack him so she could finally get loose. 

"You better call off your wolf, lass...now! I will _not_ hesitate to kill it," he hissed this quietly that left no room for argument. 

Angrily she whistled Vargr to stop as the wolf sat down, watching everything going on warily, ready for when her elf needed her. 

The man was shocked by this woman's behavior. _Do I know her?_ He slowly came forward as she was struggling and growling almost like a rabid animal to get loose but Brynjolf had a good hold of her, so he reached for her hood and quickly pulled it back off her head.

"You!" His eyes were wide as he started to back off, recognizing that ashen blonde hair and white glazed eyes anywhere. She was a bit older, wearing black kohl all over her eyes to help disguise her face, but there was no mistaking the blind Bosmer from years ago. 

"You...you're supposed to be dead," he murmured. 

Brynjolf and Belene were the only ones who could hear him, he was so quiet. Brynjolf narrowed his eyes at him when he heard him say that. Dread formed in the pit of his stomach knowing he must have done something horrible enough for her to want his death. He wasn’t sure he could stop her from doing just that unless he could get her to calm down and tell him what was going on.

"You fucking do something to her, Gaius? I hope not because I cannot hold her forever or stop her from eventually killing you." 

Gaius remained silent as he backed up and turned around to leave quickly. _I’ve got to get out of here_. 

Brynjolf saw the man trying to leave suddenly, so he nodded his head at Vipir and Rune to stop him, who were closest to Gaius, but they couldn't reach him on time— _No! He’s escaping!_ Belene did a series of whistles to Vargr, who had been watching it all play out. She waited for her elf to call for her once again. It was a unique whistle for the very day Belene ran into Gaius again. She didn't hunt him anymore, but she prepared anyway. 

Vargr ran fast at Gaius as he raised his arms defensively, knowing he wouldn't be able to escape the beast. Vargr jumped on him, knocking him to the ground onto his back and clamped her large jaws around his throat tightly, but not tearing into the skin. Belene didn't want Vargr to kill him. That was her job. 

"Call your wolf off again, lass. We will take it from here." 

"NO!!! He's _mine_!!!" 

"I will deal with you in a minute, lass! Vipir, Rune...put him in the empty storage room and lock him in. Do it, lass. I'm not going to tell you again," he said calmly, but with an authority not to be denied as he squeezed tighter. 

Struggling to breathe, Belene reluctantly whistled, and Vargr let go of Gaius' neck as Belene melted to the ground, crying, almost bringing Brynjolf down with her. All her pent up anger turned into helplessness, feeling the loss of her family all over again as Gaius was taken away. 

"After all these years, I'm denied again!!! Why?!!," she wailed on the ground. 

He looked around the room seeing everyone watching. "Shows over! Get back to work!" 

Brynjolf was very grateful Mercer wasn't around to see this, though he knew he would find out. Mercer would never tolerate a wailing woman, no matter the reason. He had to get to the bottom of this, so he hefted Belene up onto her feet and since she refused to walk, or couldn’t, he picked her up and carried the sobbing woman to a private room that had some chairs and a table. He sat her down in a chair and went to go get her some water and handed it to her when he returned, but she didn't drink any while she continued to weep loudly.

"Lass, you're going to have to settle down and tell me what is going on," he demanded with no less authority than the last time. She had to settle down immediately. 

_Shor's bones!_ When she wouldn't stop, he slammed his hand hard on the table. "ENOUGH!"

That jolted her, wide-eyed as she hiccuped air into her lungs from her sobbing, face covered in thick wet tears. Then she narrowed her eyes at Brynjolf with anger. "You! You denied me my vengeance!"

"You better have a damned good reason for trying to kill a member of the Guild, lass." 

Her anger softened and turned into sorrow as she was flooded with memories of Inga and Alof, weeping again. She thought she was finally over her anger, only to see Gaius again. Everything she felt before she met Helvar returned two-fold. 

Brynolf was losing his patience, wondering if she was ever going to obey him. _Her emotions are all over the damned place!_

She looked at him then in anger, her eyes red and swollen, feeling a rage she thought was long gone. "He is a murderer and a rapist!" 

"He has been with us for years, lass. He's never murdered or raped anyone as long as I've known him." 

She scoffed at him for being so obtuse. "Then you're more blind than I am, and a fool, _Slick_ ." _How can he be in charge and not know his own men?_

His eyes narrowed at her crying wet face, ready to tear into her, but decided to keep his cool and see if he could get the story out of her. He tried to soften his tone and play the understanding friend. 

"Then tell me how I am blind and a fool. I would like for you to explain how I'm wrong. If you tell me, we can try to figure things out. You have to work with me here, lass. I can't help you if you don't help me." 

She tried to breathe to calm herself, deciding to tell him her story. Her anger didn’t wane and she was going to kill Gaius no matter what Brynolf said or ordered. Once she was calmer and rubbed her eyes dry, she finally told him the whole story of what happened 13 years ago. 

"Are you sure it's him, lass?" he asked, needing to make sure, but he was certain she wasn't wrong. Gaius recognized her and expected her to be dead; he said as much, albeit quietly. 

She was the one who now slammed her hand on the table, anger returning. "Yes, I'm sure! I would know his shape, smell, and voice anywhere! Even after all this time!" Her heart was raging again. "You denied me!" 

She grabbed his hand on the table, her anger then turned to pleading. Her hands shaking as the adrenaline was wearing off. "Just...just let him go, and I will go after him...far away from here. No one has to know. Please. I...I have to kill him! He deserves it! Do you have any idea how long I hunted him? How many bandits I killed to find him? How many years have I wasted? Now he's here, right at my fingertips! Please...you have to understand!" 

"Didn't you recently tell me you weren't a murderer?" 

She removed her hand from his and scoffed at him again. "It's vengeance, not murder! He killed my parents, for fuck sake! He...he took everything from me! He doesn't deserve life!" 

"I can understand that, but you're going to have to let this one go, lass. That's an order. If you cannot, you know where the door is. I can't have you going around killing members of the Guild. But, if it makes you feel better, I will handle this personally." 

She was furious with him again. She was so angry she wanted to lash out at Brynolf, her face hot in rage. "So that's it then? He gets away with murder and goes on his merry fucking way? What about me?" 

"He will be dealt with, I promise you. But you have a job to do. I suggest you go do it...NOW!" 

She stood up so quickly, she knocked the chair over and stormed out of the room. She would have to take a long breather before heading out to her job. She wouldn't be able to do it successfully in her current state. 

He watched her leave in her anger. Her story was painful, and he understood how she felt, but he just couldn't have her going around slaughtering Guild members, justified or not, though he was sure she would find a way no matter what he ordered her to do. 

He sighed and stood up and headed to go talk to Gaius himself. 

********** 

Brynjolf entered the storage room to see Gaius leaning against the stone wall looking like a smug bastard. He had Rune and Vipir standing outside the door, making sure Gaius didn't make a run for it. 

"Tsk, can you believe that elf? Fucking crazy, right?!" he griped as soon as Brynjolf walked in. 

Brynjolf was silent and just stood there with arms crossed, feet apart staring at the man. He stared so long that Gaius became uncomfortable as he found himself starting to squirm a bit under Brynjolf's scrutiny, unable to look at him in the eye. 

_He's clearly guilty. Fuck!_

"I'm going to ask you this one time and one time only, Gaius. What the fuck did you do to Belene?" 

"Nothing! Come on Bryn! How long have you known me? I don't know what the fuck the bitch was talking about! She's just a crazy fucking elf!" 

Brynjolf smirked, walked up close to Gaius, and sucker-punched him in the stomach, making Gaius gasp for air and grab his stomach as he doubled over in pain. 

"You want to try that again, Gaius?" 

"I don't know what the bitch is fucking talking about!" he gasped in between air and coughing. 

He knew Gaius was lying after his reaction when he saw Belene. Gaius had guilt written all over his face. Brynjolf didn't hesitate when he punched him hard in the face watching Gaius collapse on the floor, unable to defend himself. The Imperial was no match for the Nord in order to fight back. 

Brynjolf squatted on the balls of his feet next to Gaius, grabbed his hair to lift his head to look at him, his nose dripping blood down his face. "Wrong fucking answer, asshole." 

"Look, please Bryn. It...it was a long time ago. I...I've changed! I swear!" 

"You killed her parents and raped her, then went on to cut her up...over a theft. A person who does those things does not change for the better. Did you rape or kill anyone while with the Guild, Gaius?" 

"No! No, I swear! I swear!" 

Brynjolf closed his eyes and knew at that moment that he was definitely more blind than Belene and was undoubtedly a fool. Belene had been right— _Fuck!_ Gaius had done those things, and probably more, while with the Guild. It was written all over his face. 

Brynjolf could control his anger no longer as he beat Gaius to an inch of his life and had Rune and Vipir drag and dump his unconscious body outside somewhere away from Riften. 

_Belene is going to hate me, but we just can't go around killing each other_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Belene is furious Gaius was let go, has a face-off with Brynjolf and things don't go according to plan...for either of them.


	20. Illusions of Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bel confronts Brynjolf about letting Gaius go and finds she's in a compromising position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semi-NSFW
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! It means so much!! <3

When Belene returned from her jobs, she found out Gaius was let go when she headed to where they were holding him. Was she just supposed to sit back and be a good "lass?" Putting up with the fact that Gaius was right at her fingertips only to be snatched away? She hounded Brynjolf in the Cistern most of the day to get answers, and all she got was _'Can't talk now, lass.'_ If she heard that one more time, she was going to cut off his balls.

_It will be the last 'lass' he will ever say. How could he do such a thing to me?!_

In her fury, she chased Brynjolf to his room at the end of the day. She knew this was his private and personal space. He made it clear she nor anyone else was allowed in, but she didn't give a fuck right then. She was furious enough to almost kill him that he let Gaius go. She was tired of being denied her justice! 

"Stop right there!"

He stopped with his back to her in the doorway to his room. He knew she had followed him and knew she was going to be furious with him regarding Gaius. Part of him wanted to rip her a new one disobeying one of his orders. The other part wanted to rip her clothes off. The longer he had been watching her, the more he thought about her; his desire for her was getting stronger. Watching her at night, curling up in her expensive tunic with her old piece of worn-out pelt—the two items so incongruent with each other. 

There were so many things different about her. She could read him like a book despite how reticent he was. She could resist his charms no matter how thickly he applied them. She was so unpredictable, though she could be too emotional at times—emotions all over the damned place. But it all interested him a great deal. He wondered at first if it was because she was so beautiful, but he shrugged that off. He had beautiful women before. His interest in her ran deeper than that. It was strange as most women he was interested in was purely sexual. While he wanted her that way, that wasn’t his main interest in her. 

He knew he had been intentionally taunting her today, not entirely sure why, instead of dealing with her. He certainly didn’t want to make a scene in the Cistern, especially with Mercer around. But there was undoubtedly a want for her. It was as if he was some boy who liked a girl and kept pulling her ponytail instead of just talking to her—challenging her. 

He knew why she was upset and understood it, but it was his decision to make, not hers. He may be a thief, but he was firmly against murder, especially against Guild members and it was against Guild rules. Closing his eyes, he breathed to get himself under control and turned around to face her.

"You know the rules, lass," he replied in his most honeyed voice. Not addressing the current issue, but why she was in his room.

"Horker shit!! Don't give me that 'lass' crap, _Slick_ , with your damned 'sweet-talker' voice. You knew how I felt about Gaius and what he did to my family and me, and you deliberately sent him away! He's a murderer and a rapist. And he's going to do it again! You just set him free to kill and rape others! Your inaction makes you complicit." 

She got close looking up at him, so close he could feel her breath on his face. "You're no better than he is."

He wanted to get angry, but there was some truth to her words. If Gaius lives to rape and murder again, he would be partially responsible for that, but he stuck with his decision and she had to live with it.

"I'm sorry, lass, but I cannot have you going around killing Guild members," he explained in a patient voice, conveying nothing to her. He was very good at showing people what he wanted them to see, or show nothing at all, though she could probably see through him regardless. He didn't bother to tell her what he did to the man, or that Gaius was no longer part of the Guild because he knew she wouldn't care anyway. She wanted him dead by her own hand. 

"Can you actually prove that he was the one who did this to you?" He regretted his words as soon as he said them. 

_Why am I taunting her like this?_

If she wasn’t angry before, she was right then. It wasn’t enough that Gaius was let go, but now Brynjolf taunting her. Treating the situation as if Gaius was the innocent one. Her ears burned in anger as she felt the heat spread. 

"Proof?! PROOF?! You're a fucking bastard, Brynjolf!" She stood there with arms at her sides, hands in fists ready to beat him, not giving a shit he was the boss. It was a common stance women did when they were frustrated and angry. He had seen it countless times. He had pissed off many women in his life, and she was no different.

He wanted her right then. She was so beautiful in her anger. _Is that why I’m taunting her?_ She was strong and fiery, bowing to no one.

Brynjolf stood close to her, encroaching on her personal space as she had his earlier and looked down into her angry eyes. "Yes, I can definitely be a bastard but you are going to do what you are told, lass. You are going to do what I say when I say. Do I make myself clear?" He knew her reaction would be more anger, perhaps lash out out him. Regardless of how he was feeling about her, he was still her boss and the Guild had rules she had to abide by. As much as he would like to, he couldn’t give in to her demands.

Already furious and wanting to throttle him, she reached out and tried to slap his face, expecting it and he caught her hand. That just made her more furious as she tried to slap him with her other hand. He caught that too.

"Let me go, you fucking bastard!!"

He knew the knee was coming, and she didn't disappoint with that either, as he moved slightly off the side, completely missing his balls and hitting his thigh instead. Despite knowing how she would react, he found himself getting angry and roughly dragged her by her wrists and shoved her against the wall, arms pinned above her head against the cold stones and his body pressed tightly against hers making her eyes widen in shock. 

"I'm going to tell you this one time only. You ever chase me to my room again and yell where others can hear you, there will be serious consequences," he whispered in her ear. It was a threat he intended to keep, but his anger soon turned into something else. 

She felt his hot breath in her ear, and it sent shivers through her arms, making her swallow hard and her ears twitch. His hot body pressed up against her did something to her insides and not necessarily in an unpleasant way. She didn't know whether to be scared or turned on at that moment; perhaps she was both. His whispering had an element of danger in it that made her think twice about reacting aggressively again. But she couldn't help but think he was after something else as well. 

He was so close, she could smell the scent of leather, musk, and snow, if snow had a smell, coming from him—it was a pleasant smell; a very masculine smell. 

Belene swallowed again probably more loudly than she would have liked. She was unsure if he was going to do something frightful or just kiss her. She had not thought of Brynjolf sexually. He was an asshole half the time—’ _Slick’_ in her view, yet he did have this attractive quality about him—he oozed masculinity. She had no doubt women were quite drawn to him. But she mostly paid attention to his personality, which had been sorely lacking as far as she could tell. Now that he had her pinned and cornered, his body pressed up against her, she had no choice but to think about such things. The way he had her cornered reminded her of when she was with Casil during one of their more risqué intimacies; their role-playing. Having something similar to what she and Casil had was something she could be interested in. She missed that sort of sexual connection. 

She looked up into his reddish blob of a face wishing to see his eyes and reactions. She could feel the heat coming off of his body, and she found that maybe she could be interested in someone like him, missing the pleasures of sex with a man. She wouldn't mind having someone like Casil again without attachments, knowing that would be the type of man Brynolf would be. She couldn’t see Brynjolf getting serious or shacking up with a woman—married with children. But then she thought of Casil like that once too, and he ended up wanting more. 

As she thought more about it, she wondered if he was just trying to distract her from the issue at hand— _Gaius_.

Something stirred in him being so close to her, quickly forgetting why she was angry in the first place. He gripped both of her thin wrists with one large hand and moved his other hand to lightly touch her face. He touched the couple of scars on her face and softly trailed fingers down her throat, feeling her pulse quicken.

_Oh, she’s done some risqué intimacies before,_ he mused, judging by her reaction to him. If she were any other woman, he would have full control of her, clothes already spilling on the floor, rushing for touches, nipping skin, but he didn’t want that for Belene. She was more than that. He didn’t know why that was after such a short time, but he knew enough that he wanted more from her than a one-night stand.

She closed her eyes, feeling his delicate touch. He watched her enjoy his fingers as they moved lightly down to her chest. Her tunic was always untied while her corset kept everything in place, making every man that saw her wish they had a taste of her—he could hear them talking when she wasn’t around. His soft touches caressed the tops of her breasts as he watched her swallow and start to breathe a bit heavier, parting her lips. 

_By Ysmir, I want to taste her right now._ He didn’t question this unexpected turn of events. His only thoughts were his desires and pleasing her.

While watching her face for reactions, his hand moved to caress her around her breasts without actually touching them. Trailing slowly down her waist and back up in between her cleavage, while he moved his lips just hovering over hers without touching them, feeling her rapid breath. She instinctively tried to press her mouth to his, but he pulled back slightly despite him wanting to kiss her.

Her mouth opened and was breathing heavier through her full lips. Warmth and wetness started spreading between her legs. Part of Belene believed that Brynjolf was trying to control her and distract her, but her body didn't care and responded to his every touch. 

_Dammit, he knows how to play this well._

To be fair, it had been a while since she had done anything remotely sexual with a man since Casil, and she missed it. Casil filled her with sexual desire, so much so, she periodically felt empty without it. She wanted that again, but without the worries of commitments. 

He moved his face away from her mouth to her long ear, breathing softly, causing goosebumps to travel down her body, then took his tongue and lightly licked her ear, causing her to mewl quietly. He had been with elves before and knew how sensitive their ears were. As his tongue left her ear, he gently nibbled a lobe. The ear twitched to his touch, which amused him and he found it strangely endearing. That was something unique to her; something he had not seen before in other elves.

_Game or not, he knows what he's doing. He's barely touched me, and I'm a trembling wet mess. Bastard...Oh, Gods...not the ears..._

He wondered how wet she was already. He hadn't even kissed her yet, barely touched her, and she was all a-tremble, smiling at the thought. He moved his hand to her tunic and started to pull it aside slowly, but stopped himself.

_No, I don’t want to be another Gaius for her. I feel like I’m taking advantage of her in her anger. She deserves more than that._

He knew what that man did to her and found himself not just wanting her, but a desire to protect her. Which was, in part, why he beat the shit out of Gaius. Though he didn’t tell her as much, what he did was, in part, for her.

She noticed his sudden and slight hesitation. She may not be able to see him, but she understood all her other senses, and something told her what he saw on her bothered him enough to pause for a second. _It's always the scars on my breasts._ It was subtle, but she noticed, misunderstanding his reaction to her. It was enough to snap her out of it and remind herself that he was still toying with her... _this is just a game to him_. 

"Brynjolf…"

His hand suddenly shot up to her face as his thumb brushed against her bottom lip. He wanted to apologize to her for taunting her—to explain why he did what he did. “I’m sorry, lass. I…” 

She found herself suddenly angry at him again, completely misinterpreting his actions. _No one fucking controls me! Not after...everything._ It's one thing to have a boss. It's another to have someone try to sexually manipulate and control her. She was just an object and another notch on his bedpost. 

_Fucking bastard. He is definitely no Casil._

Before he could finish, she quickly grabbed his thumb from her face and twisted it back so far that he ended up on his knees, not expecting her to react like that.

"Your idea of pleasure is about manipulation and control. This is about _your_ pleasure only, and you couldn't care less about mine. I'm no fool, _Slick_. Let's get one thing clear...I'm not your toy. I'm not to be a notch on your bedpost. I'm not to be sexually controlled. Do _I_ make _myself_ clear?" When he didn't answer, she bent his thumb back farther, causing him to groan in pain. "Are...we...clear?"

All he could think about right then was the pain as he just nodded. She released his thumb and walked out of the room without looking back, but stopped for a second.

"If I see Gaius again, he's as good as dead. You can't stop me."

He watched her leave while rubbing his thumb. _OK, that I did NOT expect. She's definitely a firebrand._ It left him strangely feeling satisfied and even intrigued, but he knew that she misunderstood his intentions and didn’t give him a chance to apologize.

_I’m going to have to fix this...shit!_ He stood up and ran after her to explain. He didn’t want her thinking it was his intention to control and manipulate her. Looking back at what had just happened, he could understand how she would have misinterpreted his actions. He didn’t explain to her how he was drawn to her. 

_How am I to explain this to her? I wasn’t trying to control her...I want her._

As soon as he reached the Cistern, he saw her talking to Rune. She was angry and he knew it was about him. She quickly walked away and headed straight for the Flagon. He was about to call out to her when he heard Mercer calling for him— _Dammit!_

“Brynolf!!”

He sighed at missing his opportunity to talk to her. He would just have to wait until she comes back if she would let him.

“Yes, Mercer.”

“Get your head out of her cunt for a minute.”

Brynjolf was surprised his interest in Belene was that visible. _Dammit, I must be slipping. This is what she does to me_. He was about to object before Mercer held up a hand to silence him.

“Don’t deny it. You are always so eager for pussy. But that’s not what we need to talk about. We have a problem over at Goldenglow Estate and your little girl needs to handle it when she gets back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Bel is sent on a mission and finds she is in way over her head.


	21. The Bee in the Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serious trouble awaits Belene at Goldenglow Estate.
> 
> TW: Rape and Violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, comments, and kudos!! Keeps me writing. I appreciate all of it!! <3

As she left Brynjolf's room, she headed out back to the Cistern when Rune lightly grabbed her arm. She was still so angry, she snatched it back, but he took no offense. 

"Hey, I know you are really angry at Brynjolf for letting Gaius go. Well, we all know after hearing you yelling at him and can't quite believe you're still alive, haha. It was quite pleasurable to hear him get verbally castrated," he chuckled. "He can be quite the..." 

"Rune, is there a reason you stopped me, or are you going to keep rambling?" 

"Right, sorry. Listen, you should know that Gaius didn't get off easily. He wasn't just 'let go.' Brynjolf beat the shit out of him, Bel...like to an inch of his life. Then we dumped him outside of Riften, barely alive. He's been kicked out of the Guild permanently. Brynjolf can be a bastard, but he's fair. He's just very much against killing." 

What Rune said surprised her and gave her pause in her anger. _Why didn’t he tell me_? But it was fleeting. "What you and Brynjolf fail to realize is that I want him dead...by _my_ hands, and I don't care how Brynjolf feels about it! _That_ is why I'm angry. Gaius getting a beating is getting off easy after everything he's done." 

She turned away and walked to the Flagon and approached Vex. "I need another job." 

Vex looked at Belene with a smirk on her face. "I heard you gave Brynjolf quite the verbal assault…" 

"Vex! I don't care! Do you have a job or not?!" 

"You haven't finished the last one I gave you," she responded flatly. 

"Fuck you, Vex. Give me another job. I need a few to get out of here for a while." 

Vex stifled a laugh. She was liking Belene more than she wanted to admit. "Fine. There's a heist job over in Whiterun. Doing the two jobs for me should keep you away from here for several days." 

Belene walked back to the Cistern to get her gear and Vargr. _Gods, these people make me so angry sometimes!_ She suddenly thought of Helvar and how he was so good at keeping her calm and stilling her anger. She missed those peaceful and simple years. _He was a better person than I could ever be—I never deserved him._

She sat on her bed and packed up her personal items for travel. Grabbing her piece of pelt, she rubbed it with her fingers thinking of Helvar trying not to get upset. 

Brynjolf watched her gather her gear to leave, clearly still very angry. He wanted to take the opportunity to talk to her, but then he noticed a complete change in her, which gave him pause. He saw the deep sadness, wondering what changed in her so quickly as she rubbed her pelt. He sighed, deciding then he would just have to talk to her later. 

**********

Belene returned a week later, successful. Her jobs had gone off without a hitch, so Mercer wanted to give her a bigger job. He felt this would be a good test to see how capable she really was with something more challenging. 

"You want something challenging? I've got one for you." 

Brynjolf was standing there wide-eyed, knowing what Mercer had planned, but he had hoped he had previously talked the man out of it. "Wait a moment, Mercer. We talked about this. Even our little Vex couldn't get in." 

He looked at Brynjolf in irritation. “I never agreed to anything, despite your objections. You are always thinking with your prick, Brynjolf.”

Brynjolf found himself slightly blushing that Mercer spoke to him like that in front of Belene, but grateful she couldn’t see his discomfort. He remained silent to avoid any more embarrassment, knowing Mercer had taken pleasure in humiliating him lately.

Mercer smirked at Brynjolf’s discomfort and looked back at Belene. “Goldenglow Estate is critically important to one of our largest clients. However, the owner has suddenly decided to take matters into his own hands and shut us out. He needs to be taught a lesson," explained Mercer. 

Brynjolf didn't like it. Belene was capable, but she was still learning the trade, and Vex was seriously injured, underestimating all the mercenaries, but he knew Mercer was going to send her regardless. He wondered if this was Mercer’s way of punishing him for having an interest in Belene. 

Belene, ignorant to Mercer's ways, was excited for something different and something that paid a lot more—the more money she made, the faster she got her house and out of the Guild. "OK, what do you want me to do?" 

Mercer ignored her eagerness. "The first thing I need you to do is burn three of Aringoth's beehives. Three ONLY, got it? Then you are to break into his manor, and you will need to find a way to get into his cellar to break into his safe and clear it out." 

"Got it." As she quickly walked away, Brynjolf caught up to her. 

"Wait, lass." 

She stopped to face him to hear him out. Though she had calmed down, she still wasn't happy with him.

"Listen, Maven prefers that Aringoth remains alive, but if he tries to stop you from getting the job done, kill him. The Guild has a lot riding on this." 

_Seriously? It's OK to kill this guy, but not Gaius?_ "Oh, NOW we are condoning murder?"

"We are not, but this is a very dangerous job, and if it is between your life and his...well, you choose yours; understand?" 

"Fine," she said, walking away with a flip of the hand in annoyance, but stopped when he spoke again. 

"Lass, just...be careful. We have a lot riding on this, but it is very dangerous." He wanted to tell her to be careful on a more personal level, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wanted to talk to her about the last time they saw each other. “When you get back, I would like to have a word with you.”

She nodded and turned away to pack her gear. As she was grabbing her weapons, she bent down to hug Vargr. "Sorry, girl. You can't come this time. I am not risking your life. There are apparently a lot of mercenaries, and I don't want them taking shots at you. Be a good girl and watch over my stuff." She whistled as Vargr jumped on the bed and laid down. 

He watched her leave, worried for her. If Vex couldn't do it, this job could very well kill Belene. He didn't like it. _She really has no idea what she's walking into._

********** 

She managed to burn the three beehives successfully. The fires drew the mercenaries out, who started to attack, but Belene was prepared for them. The mercenaries may have been well paid, but they were no match for her bow and speed. Aringoth may have paid good money for them, but they weren't any more skilled than bandits. 

Quickly dispatching the mercenaries, she dug into some pockets before she found a key. She would never have been able to find a hidden sewer entrance. She would have to use the front door. It was risky, but she had no choice.

Sneaking through the house, she quietly took down lone mercenaries using her bow. It would have been better to use her dagger on them as it was quieter, but she could never tell if someone was facing her or had their back to her—it was just too risky. 

After taking out several mercenaries undetected, she decided she would try her hand at breaking into the safe instead of facing Arigoth. She didn't want to have to kill the man. She had a lot of practice with lockpicking and felt confident enough she could break in without his key. 

After about 15 minutes and a lot of frustration, she finally managed to open the safe. She felt inside and found some coins and several documents. She ignored the coins and just grabbed the pieces of paper. She had been expecting more than this but shrugged and pocketed the documents, hoping it was what Mercer was looking for. When she closed the safe and turned around, she was knocked over the head when everything went black. 

********** 

A door slammed open, and Belene was startled awake. She tried to move but found her arms and legs were bound. She could tell they had removed her clothes. _No!_ She knew what that would lead to. Belene's head was pounding from being hit, and she tried to look around, but there wasn't much to see in the way of shapes. It appeared the room was empty. 

She sensed another man in the room who came up close to her, grabbed a chunk of her hair pulling her head back, and sniffed her deeply, making her instinctively cringe— _Gaius._

"To think I would have you naked before me again," he chuckled. 

Her stomach sank as she heard his smooth voice. _Fuck Brynjolf for not letting me kill him!_ She knew she would be in a whole world of pain soon, if not dead. He would make sure this time she wouldn't be left alive. 

She then heard another voice—elderly. "Did Mercer really think he could get away with attacking me? Not once, but twice? But I guess I should thank the Guild for sending me Gaius, who knows all the in's and out's of your little organization. Since Mercer clearly threw you away, I'm sure my friend here will find plenty of use for you."

Gaius tightly grabbed Belene’s hair, forcing her head back to face him. “Did you really believe you were so capable as to dispatch all of those mercenaries all by your little self? We allowed you to get as far as you did.” He scoffed at her and slammed her head back against the wall.

Seeing stars, Belene spat at the face in front of her, and she received a backhanded slap in response. "Funny how we are replaying our same song and dance from so long ago, my dear." 

"I should have been allowed to kill you!" 

"Yes, but you weren't, much to my great fortune. Though Brynjolf did quite the number to my face, the bastard. I'm not sure a woman will ever want me again, he did so much fucking damage. I just may kill him for that someday."

She smirked at him to hide her fear. “Want? Since when have you ever cared if a woman wanted you? You take, Gaius. That’s all you are…a taker. You’re a selfish and greedy prick.”

He bent down closer to her, ignoring her little rant and whispered in her ear, cringing as she felt his breath. "I can't wait to have you again, my dear. Your virgin pussy was pure perfection the last time." 

"Fuck you!" It was all she could retort for deep down, she was terrified, and she found herself at a loss for intelligent words, trying to hide her trembling from fear. 

"Indeed," he laughed as he trailed his dagger over her body, caressing a nipple with the pointed end. 

Gaius untied Belene and roughly stood her up. She tried to pull from his firm grasp, but he bent her arm far behind her back, painfully, unable to do much else. He shoved her forward and brought her to a room, forcing her down onto a hard bed. He tied her back up to ensure she didn't escape or stab him again like the last time.

"Aringoth was too kind to give you to me. It was my reward, you see. Reward for turning on the Guild. This time, you stand no chance to escape." 

"I should have killed you that day!" 

He sat down next to her on the bed and brushed away the hair out of her face. So gentle, it was completely out of character, which made him all the more frightening. "Yes, you should have. Actually, you almost did. You did quite the number to my back with your knife. The healers almost couldn't stop the bleeding, but I lived. If I had known you were still alive, I would have searched for you and finally ended you for my pain and near death." 

"Pain?! You took fucking EVERYTHING from me! My family, my home, my innocence! This is what I have been reduced to because of you! So please fucking forgive me if I don't sound sad about your suffering!"

His gentleness was over as he backhanded her again. "It's time to shut up now and take it, you fucking whore! I will have you and there is nothing you can do about it."

Belene couldn't help but start weeping, having to relive her horror again from that day, wishing she now had brought Vargr. 

"Cry all you want. You're mine now to do with as I wish. No one is going to come and save you. The Guild won't risk it...I would know." 

"Please don't do this again. Please…"

But he ignored her tears and pleas, immune to them. Years of thieving, rape, and murder had left him hardened and cold. 

"Oh, but I'm going to enjoy this again. I wonder if you're as tight as you were last time," he whispered in her ear. 

She could hear him undoing his breeches as she started to shake and cry for the inevitable. He hovered over her body and thrust hard into as she cried out to no one, flooded with the horrible memories from last time, wondering how everything could have gone so wrong so quickly. 

"Yes, just like I remember. Since Mercer and Brynjolf kindly threw you away, I am going to have quite a bit of fun with you. When I tire of you, you will then get to die...you will want to die," he stated in between thrusts. It didn't take him long before he exploded in her and fell on top of her, breathing hard. Between his stinking hot breath and her rape again, she wanted to retch but swallowed it back. 

He licked her neck all the way to her face, disgusting her, and finally pushed himself off of her. He tied his breeches back up and headed out the door. 

"Now, you just lay there comfortably, and I will be back soon," he chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Belene finds she's not alone after all.


	22. To Look Death In The Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brynjolf does the unexpected and saves the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! It means so very much!! <3

_She should have been back by now. I knew sending her on this job was a dangerous mistake._

It had been four days with no sign of her. Something was wrong. Brynjolf knew sending her to that job was a bad idea. If Vex couldn't handle it, Belene certainly couldn't have. There was only one recourse. He was going to have to go in there with a team. It wasn't protocol and Mercer would lose it if he found out, but he didn’t care. The Guild generally didn't go after it's members in case of trouble, but he made an exception for her, especially after what they did to Vex. 

He also knew something was wrong with the way Vargr had been acting. Vargr had been very whiny and pacing back and forth for a couple of days now. He took care of the wolf while Belene was gone and had taken quite a liking to her that he didn't expect. The wolf was very intelligent. 

_I wonder if Vargr knows something is wrong_. 

**********

Brynjolf's team consisted of Niruin, Cynric, and Thrynn along with Vargr and headed to the estate. He couldn't do the specific whistles like Belene, but the wolf was eager to get out and find her elf, so she followed closely behind. 

They entered the sewers to maintain the element of surprise as long as they could. As soon as they reached inside the sewers, Brynjolf quietly scanned every room, not knowing where they kept her or if she was even still alive. The place was completely devoid of life except for a few Skeever that were quickly dealt with. 

_She's not in the sewers, so they must be keeping her in the house if she’s still alive_. 

They climbed up a ladder and quietly climbed back outside to a side door to the main house. Cynric was an expert at breaking and entering for years doing jailbreaks for a living as he quickly opened the door, which is why Brynjolf specifically brought him. 

Every room they scanned yielded nothing. The whole place was strangely devoid of mercenaries. There was a lot of blood in areas, and he wondered if Belene managed to kill most of them. 

As they reached the upstairs, Vargr whined and ran ahead. Brynjolf, figuring she could sense her master, quickly yet quietly followed the wolf. When he caught up to her, he saw her pace back and forth by a bedroom door, scratching at it. Cynric rapidly unlocked the door, and Vargr rushed in. They found Belene tied naked to a bed, face beaten, most likely raped. Brynolf’s heart sank and anger seeped through his entire being. 

_Fuck. I knew Belene shouldn't have done this job_. 

Vargr jumped on the bed and started licking Belene's face clean and whimpering while Belene moaned at her wolf, tears starting to spill out of her eyes. Brynjolf and the others quickly rushed to untie her when they heard someone behind them.

Brynjolf turned around saw Gaius standing there in shock, suddenly afraid. Brynolf turned white as a sheet. "You!" he growled. "I knew I should have let her kill you!" 

Belene had been awake and aware, weakly whistled to Vargr. The wolf jumped on Gaius, who had started running at the site of the Guild rescuing Belene. A turn of events he did not expect. Vargr grasped his throat with her powerful jaws, holding him down onto the floor. Brynjolf pulled his dagger out to kill the man... 

"Don't you fucking dare! He's mine!" she demanded in a hoarse voice, normally resonant, from emotions and lack of water.

She weakly stood up, not caring that she was naked and bleeding, and took Brynjolf's dagger from his hand. He didn't try to stop her this time. Gaius deserved to die. He may not have sent her to the estate for the job, but it was ultimately his fault that Gaius hurt her and raped her again. He wanted to kill the man himself for this, but she was the one who had to do it. 

She stumbled to him and stood over the man, she whistled for Vargr to let go as Belene sat heavily on top of his chest. She was calm when she spoke, despite the tears spilling down her face. "It's time for you to die now, Gaius. But I'm going to give something to you that you would never have given to me...a quick death. I wanted to hurt you for days with my knife, cut off your balls and make you eat them. But I realized I'm not you and never will be. Despite all the pain you have dealt me and everything you stole for me, I will always be better than you. You are nothing to me." 

“No, no...please. I yield! I’m...so...sorry!” he stammered as if his pleas would be heeded.

“Tamriel is better off without the likes of you. Goodbye, Gaius.”

His eyes were wide as she took the dagger and slit him across the throat in his jugular, causing him to rapidly bleed out. She wished she could have watched him in the eyes as he died, but she heard him breathe his last breath and heard him beat his last heartbeat. That was good enough for her.

"It's finally done," she whispered as she sat on top of the dead man. She fell on his chest and started to cry with relief and from all the pain he had caused her. 

Brynjolf finally moved into action as he found a large pelt and wrapped her in it to cover her up, lifting her up and off of Gaius. He didn't know what to say to her as the guilt that he felt was nothing like he had ever felt before. All the other men were also silent as they watched her kill their old friend, knowing the story of what happened to her and what he did to the Guild, but uncertain how to feel about his death. Gaius had been with the Guild for almost a decade.

She tried to walk, but she stumbled, still weak. Brynjolf reached out for her to stabilize her. She angrily shrugged him off, but she fell down. He picked up to stand again, this time she didn't shove him off of her, knowing she needed help to walk until she could find her legs. 

"Come on, lass. Let's get you back to the Ratway." 

"No. I still have a job to do…" 

"Lass, it's over now. It's time to get you healed."

"No,” she repeated. “Aringoth was involved in my rape. There is also the matter of the documents I found, but they must be important to him as he quickly took them back."

"You can't like this, lass...wrapped in fur and in such pain." 

"I'm going to find my armor and weapons, and then I'm going to deal with Aringoth...with or without you. But you owe me Brynjolf and you know it. I don’t think I can do this on my own, but with you four and Vargr, it should be easy enough."

"I just thought you should get some healing is all. If you feel you need to do this, then let's go," Brynjolf said, relenting to her wishes. 

With his arm around her waist to help her walk, they went from room to room until they finally found her gear in a chest. The other men turned away as Brynolf helped Belene get dressed back into her armor. She was in too much pain to even be embarrassed about the whole scenario. He tried to tie her corset, but she hissed at the pain knowing she had at least one broken rib. She ended up just wearing her tunic and breeches while he carried the rest of her gear.

After she got dressed, they headed further into the house and found Aringoth hiding in his massive bedroom, cowering, like the craven he really was. Funny how he lost his condescending attitude when Gaius and all his men were dead. She walked shakily over to him and sat down on the floor, legs crossed, unable to squat due to the pain.

"Aringoth, your new pal now lies in a pool of his own blood at my hand.” She reached out a delicate hand to the Altermer’s face as he cringed to her touch. “The Guild generally doesn't kill, but for you, we will make an exception. You were involved in my rape. You are also clearly up to something that is damaging to a close client of ours. If you hand over the documents now, I will give you a clean death."

He tried to look at her defiantly, seeing her bloody face and ashen hair in tangles and sticky with blood. Realizing she couldn’t see him, he looked behind her to see four men of the Guild and a dangerous-looking wolf. He knew he wouldn't survive. _It was a mistake to undermine Meave._ He pointed over to a small safe on the floor. She could see him pointing, but not at what.

Brynjolf had Cynric quickly open the safe and pull out several documents and handed them to Brynjolf. He quickly scanned them until he came across one particular parchment and gasped. "You sold Goldenglow? What the fuck were you thinking? You have no idea the extent of Maven's fury when she's been cut out of a deal, but I'm certain you'll find out." He pocketed the letter of sale and ordered everyone to clear out.

He squatted down next to Belene and put a hand on her shoulder. "Let's go, lass.” She was still sitting in front of Aringoth, who was still cowering. She wasn’t moving and he sensed she wanted to kill the man too. "He's as good as dead, lass, I promise you. When Maeven finds out, well, let's just say she has her ways...Come on," he said gently with feelings of guilt looking at her battered face. 

"I...I don't think I can get back up…," she whispered, tears spilling down her face once again. Once all her adrenaline was gone, she was about to pass out from exhaustion and pain. 

He deftly picked her up and carried her out of the estate and back to the Guild as she passed out in his arms. He cursed himself for how he handled everything with her and Gaius. They weren't supposed to kill members of the Guild, but since he kicked the man out, he should have let her after him. Now she was hurt and raped again because of him— _she's never going to forgive me_. 

********** 

She woke up with a long stretch in a soft and comfortable bed, not knowing where she was, but not wanting to wake up either as she pulled the delicate blanket over her head to block out the candlelight that was distracting her from sleep. It was then she noted someone was in bed with her as she felt around to find soft and warm fur... _Vargr_. Not knowing what time it was or where she was, was slightly disconcerting. At least she had Vargr by her side to help calm her as memories of her rape and beatings suddenly filled her mind. She curled up and found herself crying into Vargr, who proceeded to lick her face, whimpering. 

She felt the bed press down as someone sat next to her and pulled the blanket back from her wet face. She looked up to see Brynjolf's shape and tried to pull the covers over her head once more, not ready to face reality just yet, but he held them back. 

"Here, lass," he said as he grabbed her hand to give her some water. She didn't pull away and sat up to eagerly drink the cold liquid. When she was finished, he took a wet cloth to her face to clean the tears. 

_Aren't we the calm and gentle one today?_ She stayed his hand to do it herself. 

She laid back down, her head on Vargr, but looking up at him. "Is this bed yours I'm lying in?"

"Aye, lass." 

"It feels wonderful. I think it’s the best bed I have ever laid on. I'm surprised you allowed Vargr in it...or me for that matter. I can smell my own stink...it’s disgusting." 

He didn’t tell her he kept her as clean as he could, that he cringed as he tried to heal every mark on her that Gaius gave her. That he slept next to her the entire time, watching over her—watching her sleep. "You needed a private space to heal. As for Vargr, let's just say she and I have become somewhat friends since you were gone and been healing." 

“How long was I gone and how long have I been here?”

“You were gone for four days and have been out for three, not surprising given your whole ordeal.” 

She took an inventory of her body and noted she wasn't in much pain even after everything. "Did you heal me?" 

"Aye. We don't generally allow healers down here except for extreme situations, for obvious reasons." 

She wanted to be angry with him about Gaius, to blame him for her rape, but in the end, it was always Gaius' fault, though if he had died as she demanded, she wouldn't have had to suffer by him again. But he was the monster, and now he was finally dead by her hand. All she really felt was relief that it was finally over.

Brynjolf just stared at her in resignation. He was a bit perplexed about how calm she was, expecting her to wake up and tear into him about letting Gaius go that resulted in her rape yet again— _it is all my fault_. Regardless, he owed her an apology for what it was worth. He took a deep breath and let it out loudly... 

"Feelings of guilt, Brynjolf? Is that what I hear in your heavy sigh and delicate manner...or is this another form of manipulation?" 

_I deserved that_..."I am so sorry, lass...about everything. I should have listened to you. I thought beating him and sending him away would have been enough thinking he wouldn't dare show his face again. Clearly, I...miscalculated his motivations. 

I am also sorry for about...well, my reaction to you when you were angry about me letting Gaius go. I believe you thought I was manipulating you, but that was not my intention. I...I really was serious about you. I tried to explain it to you that day, but you ran off so quickly and Mercer stopped me to talk about Goldenglow. Everything just went downhill from there."

She wished she could see his face at that moment, to study the subtleties to know if he was lying or not, or if he really did look as guilty as he sounded. His voice sounded contrite and sincere, but it wouldn't be the first time he had been manipulative with her. In the end, the fire in her died out with Gaius' death. Then thoughts of her husband surfaced, but she pushed them away this time instead of embracing them. 

"I was very angry with you, and I should have killed him earlier, but in the end, he was the evil one. He chose his path and now he is dead, finally by my hand...as it should have been. All I feel is relief that my family has finally had their justice." 

Brynjolf was sitting quietly on the bed, not looking at her and uncertain of what else to say. 

She had her head on Vargr's side, twirling on her fur with her fingers, not wanting to get up at the moment though she knew she should. It had been a while since she felt this comfortable. She had been staring at nothing, enjoying the comfort when she finally spoke up again. 

"I probably shouldn't forgive you, especially with your behavior towards me. I wasn’t happy about that. But, if you are telling the truth that you weren’t trying to manipulate me, then I will trust you and move on. It was hard to see otherwise because you were so manipulative before just getting me here...that back and forth, nice guy to asshole. But in the end, you helped save me and allowed me my justice, and for that, I will always be grateful." 

"Why are you being so forgiving? I am not sure I deserve it." 

"Simply put, because of my husband, Brynjolf." She wasn't sure why she told him that. She didn't want to talk about her husband to him, but perhaps Brynjolf needs to forgive himself as well—her husband had taught her that when she blamed herself for her parents' death. It wasn't just anger and revenge that had driven her to hunt Gaius but to still her guilty heart. 

"Oh, you're married then?" he asked, remembering the man's wedding band on her thumb. 

"No, he has been gone from me for a long time...four years now. He was the best person I had ever known and taught me a lot about forgiveness and kindness when my heart was so full of rage." She found herself unable to stop the tears that started to shed and wept into Vargr’s fur. 

He didn't know what to say or do, not used to these sorts of emotions from women. Any negative emotions he received from them were ones of anger or frustration that he wouldn't give them more...a home, marriage, children. A woman's grief was not something he knew much about, he started to reach out to her—to hold her, but quickly withdrew his hand full of uncertainties. 

"There's nothing you need to do or say," she said as if reading his mind. "I will be fine." With that, she wiped the tears off her face once more and got up to go bathe. She felt disgusting after her whole ordeal. From past experience, she knew she wouldn't be able to clean Gaius out of her, but at least she could wash the dirt and stink away.

"You don't have to go yet...rest. I insist." 

"No. Thank you, though. I have this sudden desire to bathe...I have to cleanse myself of him as much as possible and I can’t stand my own stink. I'm not looking forward to the freezing waters of the Cistern, but I will suffer it for cleanliness." 

"I have a private washbasin. I will get some water and warm it up for you to bathe in. Wouldn't you prefer that?"

_Why is he being so nice and amenable?_

She knew he was feeling a bit guilty, but it wasn't like him to be so...giving. "Brynjolf, you don't have to be nice to me just because you feel guilty. It doesn't seem like the kind of person you are. In fact, I would rather you be nice because you choose to be, not out of any sense of guilt or obligation."

He was silent for a while before answering. He was debating on how much to tell Belene, deciding to just be truthful in the end. "I'm hard on everyone because I have to keep everyone in line, lass. It is not easy keeping a bunch of criminals in line, believe it or not. The only way to do that is to have them respect my authority with some added fear." He knew telling her this would probably undermine his authority as a boss over her, but she should know after everything that he wasn't the bastard as much as she thought... _who knows, maybe I am what she believes me to be._

"I am being nice to you because I want to. I can't help but feel guilty, but even if I weren't involved in what happened to you, I would still be doing this.” While that was true, he wouldn’t have offered to just anyone either. There were other reasons behind his not wanting her to go just yet.

_Maybe he isn't the horrible person I first thought he was. I'm going to have to think about this...but a hot bath first._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: A thief, an elf and a Dragonborn walk into a bar...


	23. The Dragonborn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene gets to meet the Dragonborn for the first time as he is persuaded to join the ranks of the Thieve's Guild. The two quickly become friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comment, and kudos! It means so much <3

_Five months later._

Belene was eating her venison stew and drinking her mead in the Flagon when she could hear the three Guild women whispering about the new recruit. Apparently, he was very easy on the eyes. He was a Nord who had been seeking help in finding someone hiding in the Ratway, but Brynjolf, true to his nature, recruited him in return for information. She wasn't sure why this man would so readily agree to such deals, but she didn't know the man. Perhaps he was a thief by trade anyway, or maybe he was like her just looking for some coin and a bed. 

The women never talked to her about such things as she couldn't understand it anyway. What she views as attractive is different from what other women see. Because of this, she didn't have much in common with the other women when they sniggered and gossiped about the handsome young Nord. And apparently, the young Nord ate up the attention—a real ladies' man. She visualized him being surrounded by beautiful women with a shit-eating grin on his face playing some selection game in his head, deciding who he was going to bed first. 

_Eeny, meeny, miney, moe, catch a Sabre by the toe_...Belene just rolled her eyes inwardly. He was decidedly not her type. 

She sensed someone sit down at her table while she was eating with Vargr, who was on the ground eating a large beef-bone. She recognized the shape as the new recruit and inwardly groaned. She didn't want to know why he chose her to sit down with, despite being surrounded by the women earlier. 

_Probably because I’m the only one_ not _paying attention to him._

"That's quite the animal you have there." 

Belene just nodded and smiled politely. 

"What's her name?" 

"Vargr." 

"As in 'wolf?' Clever! I like it! Maybe you should have just called her 'wolf' and be done with it!" he laughed loudly at his own stupid joke. "Or is it 'warg?' I can never remember!" 

She only gave the boisterous man a slight smile, and when she didn't respond, he spoke up again. 

"I don't think we've met. I'm Erik."

"Belene…" 

He chuckled and leaned into her. "You don't talk much, do you." 

She leaned back into him, her face giving nothing away. "I talk just fine. I'm just not interested." 

He barked out laughter at her response. "What makes you think _I'm_ interested?" 

"Well, I don't really. It was merely a precaution in case you did. But let's see...you blew off all the women who are interested in you, and from listening to the men in the Flagon for months, apparently, they are all beautiful. Your heart rate also went up as you got closer to my table and while you are confident...probably over-confident, you have a slight nervousness about you. As I said, I'm not interested." 

He laughed even harder then instead of being offended, feeling like he just had his mind read by some all-seeing oracle. "You are certainly a clever one, aren't you! You just might be in the wrong business! You got me! A damned shame too." She was relieved not to hear him talk about her 'beauty.'

She couldn't help but laugh a little in return. Erik was kind of an ass, but he reminded her a bit of Helvar in his joviality—it was contagious. 

Seeing her smile, he knew she wasn't utterly and completely disgusted by him. "Tell you what! Have a drink with me, and then if you feel like telling me to fuck off, I will." 

"You must be a betting man who loses a lot. Fine, but you’re buying," she agreed. He guffawed at her little dig at his expense and went to the bar to buy her a mead. 

She thanked him and drank a couple of sips from the bottle, watching him as he watched her. _She looks as if she could see right through a person...perhaps she can_. He imagined it would feel quite disconcerting to some people, but he liked it. It made her look like she could actually see him. 

"I heard you had some uncanny ability to read people. Nice to see they weren't full of shit. So, tell me, Belene...what's your story?" 

"A long and personal one that I don't really feel like talking to a stranger about if it's all the same to you," she said suddenly defensive. 

"Fair enough!" he laughed, taking no offense whatsoever. "And, since you didn't ask, I thought I would tell you all about me." He was so cocky, but his good-natured personality made it easy to stomach. 

As the night wore on, she pretended not to be interested, but in the end, he was quite intriguing. He made her laugh a lot, and it made her feel almost normal. She hadn’t laughed this much since Helvar. Erik was undoubtedly a smooth-talker like Casil was, but he had that easy-going, humorous charm that Helvar had. She ended up enjoying his company very much and didn't end up telling him to fuck off. 

Brynolf was over at the next table eating venison stew, watching them with feelings of jealousy and animosity towards the young man, regretting his recruitment decision. Brynjolf didn't have much of a sense of humor, nor was he easy-going. He wasn't ever able to make her laugh like that, and he rarely got to see her smile, but when she did, one could almost feel it. 

_No, this young man will be valuable. I have to push aside these feelings._

"What's wrong, Bryn?" Delvin asked, knowing exactly what was on his friend's mind. He knew him far too long. 

"Nothing," he responded defensively, eyeing Delvin, suddenly drawn back to reality. He hadn't realized he was staring so intently at her. _I’m losing my touch_. Normally reticent, it wasn't like him to show that much of himself. 

"Really, ‘cause you've been starin’ over at Bel and Erik for a while now." His gruff voice spoke in low tones to not embarrass Brynjolf in front of the others, but he couldn't help himself, letting him know that his feelings were visible. 

"I just have a lot of things on my mind, is all." 

"Right…not feelin’ a bit jealous then?" 

Brynjolf scowled at Delvin. "Knock it off, Del." 

Delvin raised his hands in defense, with a small smirk on his face as Brynjolf stood up to leave back to the Cistern. 

**********

Mercer had paired Belene and Erik together, so she could show him the ropes, much to Brynjolf's internal objections, which Mercer most likely did intentionally. Though he was never vocal about it, he didn't like it. He didn't want them to have more of an opportunity to get closer. 

After saving her that day from Gaius, Brynjolf hadn't really talked to Belene again that much about what had transpired. Nor did he let her know how he had been feeling about her. He wanted to, but he kept holding back and now it was too late. 

_Really, this is my fault for not expressing my intentions...this is what happens._

It had been months, and he never made a move on her again after that first time, but his want of her never waned. In fact, as time went on, it was becoming stronger. He didn't know how to go about it because he couldn't approach her like the other women and knew he had to treat her differently. But then the handsome and jovial Nord joined them, and he had her full attention much of the time. 

He watched her pack up while Erik was waiting for her, hearing her resonant laughter as Erik told her some joke he couldn’t hear. He was better about controlling his stares, showing nothing in his face after being caught by Delvin. 

They were headed out to Windhelm to deal with some rival Guild taking over their territory and had to put a stop to it. 

"Ready?" Erik asked her. 

"Almost," she said as he watched her pack up her few belongings.

Erik and Belene had quickly become good friends, much to the ire and jealousy of the other women. Belene got to know Erik very well, and while he made her laugh and was quite an interesting character, her interest in him never went beyond friendship. Though she had a feeling the whole Guild probably believed they were a pair as they spent so much time together. With him being the Dragonborn, it was too much for her to handle. Too much complication. She was looking to save up for a home and find a quiet life like she used to have. The happiest moments in her entire life were the ones of simplicity and peace, and she strived for that above all things. 

As they were walking silently North to Windhelm, Erik suddenly spoke up. "I think Vex and Sapphire are jealous of you." 

"Why would they feel jealous? Sapphire generally wants nothing to do with men and Vex, well, she just scares everyone...men included" 

"Yes, I feel myself almost wet my pants every time Vex looks at me," he laughed. 

"You? Mr. 'I'm not afraid of anything' Erik?" 

"Oh, definitely! That woman could scare the color out of flowers just by looking at them, which is why I haven't brought her any yet...poor flowers. Though, she is quite lovely. She's beautiful, at the same time very frightening and deadly! But that’s kind of exhilarating though! She's beautiful and dangerous like a hand-carved, ornate ebony dagger covered in blood." 

She laughed at that, shaking her head in wonder. "You sure do have strange taste in women, Erik. So then why don't you, I don't know, take her to the Inn and get to know her? Maybe she would prefer some dark and dank corner haha." 

"I would like to keep my balls intact, thank you very much," he pretended to shudder. "I don't think Vex does 'dates.' She looks like her form of a date would be a game of 'death by daggers…’ pin the dagger on Erik’s ass kind of game!" 

"Oh, she's not that bad!" she snorted with laughter. “Well, if she’s as jealous as you say, then she probably likes you.” 

"You think? Well, being fearful of her certainly doesn't stop me from wanting her! She will be mine! Even if I lose some fingers to her daggers!" 

Belene just shook her head incredulously wondering what Erik saw in that viper of a woman. They continued on their trek to Windhelm for a while before he spoke up again. He leaned into her and whispered conspiratorially as if others could hear though there was no one for miles. 

"You know who else is jealous?" 

"Please no more, Erik. I don't need to know anyone else who doesn't like me. Ignorance is bliss and all that..." 

"Oh, but this one _definitely_ likes you! He's just jealous of me, not you. Every time I talk to you, I can feel the imagined daggers stabbing me in the eyes," he chortled. 

That piqued her curiosity. None of the men there ever approached her, not that she really thought of them that way. She did with Brynjolf a couple of times, but she brushed it aside. He was quite complicated, and she wasn't sure complicated was what she really needed. 

Erik leaned toward her ear and whispered again, "Brynjolf...the boss man. Number two."

"No, he doesn't like me like that. Well, he did try once, though I wasn’t quite sure what he was trying in all honesty. He's...well, he likes to manipulate and control women sexually...to dominate. Though he did tell me that wasn’t what he did with me. We haven’t talked about it again in months, so if he ever had any interest, it’s long gone. Are you sure you are seeing what you are seeing?" 

He raised his eyebrow, learning something new about his boss. "Well, I don't know about all that. All I know is he stares at you every time you and I are talking...or not talking for that matter. I don't see him staring at anyone else like that. He tries to hide it, but I see it." 

She was suddenly feeling defensive, but she wasn't sure why and started walking faster. "Well, I don’t know what to say about that. You’re probably not seeing things right." 

"What'd I say?!" he yelled after her, trying to catch up. 

"Nothing, I just don't want to talk about this anymore." 

"Ok, fair enough. So, should I call off the wedding plans for you two?" 

"Erik!!!"

“What…?” 

********** 

After uncovering the name of this mysterious group that was trying to replace the Thieves' Guild in Windhelm, Belene and Erik headed to their hideout in a cave not too far away. They called themselves Summerset Shadows, who all were unsurprisingly Altmer, making most of their coin fencing stolen goods from dead bodies. They were more grave robbers than actual thieves. 

For a rising Guild in Windhelm, they weren't exactly the strongest and were quickly dispatched. Once they were wiped out, the Thieves' Guild re-established their foothold in the city. 

"Oh, Delvin is going to wet himself with glee!" Erick laughed on their way back to Riften. 

"Yes, finally, the Guild is getting its footing again in Skyrim.” 

"So, what got you to become a Thief, Bel? You don’t seem the thieving type." 

"Simple, I needed money and a bed. The Guild provided both." 

"Right, but it has to be more than that." 

"Well, there is. I spent years wandering with no home, missing my husband very much. After everything, I finally decided it was time to let go of the grief and make a home for myself once more. I just couldn’t go back to our old house. The grief would hold on to me that much more. So, I headed to Riften, but I didn't have the coin, so here we are." 

"I can get that. I lost my parents...not at the same time, but I get the loss thing." 

"How did Brynjolf talk you into becoming a thief while being the mighty _Dragonborn_." 

"It's about time you noticed how 'mighty' I am! What does it take to get noticed around here?!" he joked as he flexed his muscles in her face, making her laugh. 

"Well, I was raised by my mother in Whiterun after my father died for a while until she died of some virus. I was left to my own devices when I was about 13 Summers. Teen boys on their own always spells trouble and I was no different. I stole to survive, then it just became fun. Eventually, I moved to Solitude and on my way up to conning lovely and lonely wives out of their jewels. That was until I actually became responsible when I got hit with the Dragonborn business. Almost dying tends to be a wake-up call. But, being back to thieving really is the best way for me to make the coin I need to do what I do. Not that I would be content to get a real job or anything. Can you imagine me a farmer?!" he laughed. 

She laughed, but with little humor and there was sadness in her eyes after all the talk about loss. He put his arm around her shoulder in a platonic way to give her some comfort, if she needed it. He could tell talking about her husband brought about sadness, understandably. 

She was grateful he never told her she needed to move on or 'time heals all wounds' like so many are prone to do. "Actually, if we aren't in a hurry, would you mind if we made a quick stop somewhere? It wouldn't be too much out of the way. We may lose about a day is all." 

"Absolutely! What's your plan?" 

"This talk made me realize I haven't been to see my husband in a while. I would like to visit him." 

Typically more upbeat, Erik grew serious. Not everything had to be a joke. "Of course, we can do that." 

"Thanks, Erik." 

********** 

Erik hung back a ways to give her privacy while she cleaned the two graves and said a few words to him. She never spoke to her child, but she kissed the stone. She and Erik then fixed any loose boards on the house and repaired the roof. When they were done, they headed back to Riften. 

"Do you think you will ever marry again? I know elves live a long time, and I am sure it would get quite lonely." 

"I will never marry again. I will never find anyone like Helvar. He's irreplaceable." 

"No one said you had to replace him, Bel." 

"Let it go, please, Erik." 

"Yes, ma'am…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Jealousies abound


	24. Dragons and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene has to fight a dragon for the first time with the help of the Dragonborn. Brynjolf can't take the rumors and jealousies any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! I appreciate it all so very much <3

They were getting settled into camp when they heard it in the distance. The sound of massive beating wings and roaring. Belene had yet to see a dragon, and the sound caused her heart to pound against her chest and breathe heavier, not just from fear but excitement. Erik had been telling her all about them in his extravagant story-telling ways and how he defeated them, making it sound more romantic than it actually was, but that didn't still her heart. 

"Crap," was all she heard him say.

"Is...is that a dragon?" 

"Aye, and I'm going to have to deal with it now. Maybe you should just stay behind. You haven't fought one before, and I don't want to risk you getting injured or killed...Brynjolf would call the Dark Brotherhood on me should you perish." 

"Lay off about Brynjolf, Erik, and you know I can handle myself." 

"You think I'm joking? Fine...just admit it, you just want to watch how a real man works, don't you?" 

"You got me all figured out, Erik…" she said, laughing, but no less afraid.

"Ha! You're like a book with pictures, Bel! OK, let's go. But if you die, I may have to go into hiding the rest of my life," he quipped, but only half-joking. 

They headed to the sound of the dragon roaring, which didn't take them long as it was relatively close by. It was bigger than she ever imagined! She couldn't tell what it looked like, but the massive red shape of the dragon was flying around blasting something out of its mouth... _fire, I can feel the heat_. 

"All we can do is fire a lot of arrows at it while it's flying around," he informed her. "Eventually, they get exhausted and land on the ground, but that is when they can become even more dangerous. They will breathe fire or ice, use their tails, or snap you in two with their powerful jaws. Once it lands, you just shoot arrows at it, and I will take it out with my sword. I mean it...stay out of its path." 

She just nodded, suddenly very nervous. She whistled for Vargr to stay out of the way. There was nothing the wolf could do anyway, and Belene didn't want to see her girl killed. 

As they got closer to the dragon, both of them started firing their arrows at it while the people in the small village were running for their lives, screaming. Belene could feel the heat from each fiery blast from the dragon. Sometimes it was hard to see what direction the dragon was facing, afraid she would be set on fire by the beast. But she kept firing her arrows until it finally landed, roaring in anger. 

Erik ran to the dragon slicing at it with his great-sword, while she continued to fire her arrows. Eventually, she ran out and took out her dagger and charged towards the dragon. When it saw her coming, it fired at her with its fiery breath, severely burning her arm as Belene tried to dive away. She cried out in pain and had to roll away from the beast. 

Erik finally brought the beast down. Holding her injured arm limply, she watched in awe as this yellow flow of something moved into him. He had told her about it absorbing the souls of the dragons, but it was still amazing to watch, surprised she could even see it...to see an actual dragon soul. 

********** 

They were due back two days ago, and they just now returned, laughing and joking. Erik went to go clean up while Belene went to her bed to unpack and go straight to bed. She was in terrible pain despite downing a health potion and exhausted. Vargr was already asleep she was so tired. Before she could reach her bed and sleep into Oblivion, Brynjolf roughly grabbed her by the arm, almost dragging her to the training room.

"Ow, ow! Let go! That fucking hurts!!" she yelled, yanking her arm back. 

Brynjolf, not realizing he grabbed her so tightly, let her go. Seeing blood appear on her arm and on his hand, he then noticed her tunic was burned. Without saying a word, he put his hand on the small of her back, leading her to his room to treat her wound. She grudgingly allowed him to lead her while holding her arm in pain. 

"I'm sorry...everyone was worried you weren't back, and you both come back without a care in the world, laughing it up. And, what happened to your damned arm?" He didn’t tell her that he was the only one concerned and tried not to sound like he cared as much as he did, but her wound made him feel that much more agitated. 

"That fucking hurt, Brynjolf!" 

He blew out a loud sigh. "I'm sorry, lass...I didn't mean to. I didn't know you were injured. Sit tight..." He sat her on one of his chairs, grabbed some bandages, an ointment, and a health potion. 

He rolled up her sleeve and gently cleaned the burn. He knew it hurt her a great deal as she closed her eyes tightly from the pain and tightly pressed her lips together, but she didn't cry out. 

"Looks like your lovely tunic is ruined," he said, stating the obvious. When he was done cleaning the wound, he spread the ointment to help Belene's arm heal faster and prevent infection. "This looks horrible. It burned almost your whole upper arm, lass." 

She sighed heavily. "I know and I loved this tunic. It was a gift from someone...special.” She then shrugged. “It’s just another scar to add to the list." 

He looked at her sharply, hoping that 'special' person was no longer in her life, but he didn't say anything about it. "Where have you both been?" he asked in a more calming tone than he felt, though he was still quite tense and uneasy. 

"It was my fault. I wanted to take a detour to visit my husband's grave. It had been a while, and it wasn't that far. But on the way back, we ran into a dragon of all things." 

He looked at her in horror but didn't stop his treatment. "You fought an actual dragon?!" 

After spreading ointment on her wound, he dressed it with linen bandages and rolled her sleeve back down, then put a health potion in her hand. "Here, drink this." 

"Yes, and it almost burned me to a crisp.” She mumbled a thanks to him for treating her burn and chugged the potion.

"And, why did he allow you to fight a dragon with him? I don't recall you being a dragon hunter, lass, as able as you are," he asked, sounding more angry than he intended. 

"Before you run off and do anything to Erik, I pushed him into it. He did not want to bring me along." 

He sat down in a chair across from her, looking at her. She was two days late, and he didn't realize how stressed he was until she finally got back. He pinched the bridge of his nose to calm him down a bit. That burn was horrible, and he knew it could have gone much worse. But he was angry for some reason—jealous if he were being honest with himself. 

Before he could stop himself, he blurted, "Are you sleeping with him?" It wasn’t like him to give in to impulses, but he couldn't help himself around her. He was tired of the constant rumors and sniggering and wondering if the two were together intimately. 

She looked at him sharply, eyes narrowing. "I'm sorry...no, I’m not sorry. That is _not_ your damned business! My sex life or lack thereof is no one's concern but my own." 

"Everything in the Guild is my business. There has been a lot of rumors and gossip." He made it sound like it was part of the business—Guild rules. He was not expressing any feelings for her, but he had to know. All the talk and rumors were about Belene and Erik together were driving him crazy. He wanted to know if the rumors were true—he _had_ to know. 

"Horker shit! Shor’s Beard, you're so controlling!" She was exasperated, but then she sighed. She heard Erik's words in her head about Brynjolf and his jealousy. _Maybe he does like me after all, even after all these months of barely talking to him; never making his intentions known._

"How about you be honest with me instead, Brynjolf, and quit telling me this is just 'business.' You can't tell me for a second rumors are affecting Thieves' Guild business. There are always rumors, like the one about you and Tonilia, which I know isn’t true."

He debated on how honest to be with her; how much to tell her. He wanted her, but the way he had been behaving, he knew she wouldn't want him, so he was reluctant to say anything at all. But he knew enough about her that she liked straight talk and honesty. If he stood any chance with her, that would be the best approach. 

He was quiet for so long, she waved her hand away at him in annoyance and got up to leave. "Are we done here then?" 

"You're right, this isn't about business," he finally spoke before she could leave. "I want to know...for me." 

She turned to face him, arms folded and leaning on one leg. "Interested in me, are you?" 

"I've always been interested, lass." 

"Then why all the run-around? You don't seem like the type who beats around the bush or wastes time on trivialities and jealousies." 

"You're right. That would be true in most cases. Just not in yours."

"Let me guess... 'I'm different?' I’ve heard it countless times." 

"Is that so bad, lass?" 

"It depends on my mood…" 

He didn't know why he found that funny, but he started to laugh loudly. Probably because Belene's moods were all over the damned place, which consistently left him in a state of uncertainty. She began to smirk unsure of what he was really laughing about, trying not to laugh in return by looking away, but it was contagious. She wasn't even sure she had heard him laugh before—it was deep and throaty; it was a pleasant change. 

"Yes, you are certainly different, lass. I have a hard time figuring you out, which is why I can't seem to walk in a straight line when I'm near you." 

"Well, well, Brynjolf. That sounds almost like a compliment." 

"It is... So, are the rumors true?" he asked, back to the original point, not to be deterred. 

"Fine, you want to know? The rumors are full of Horker shit. I'm not sleeping with him. Erik and I have just become very good friends is all it is. He makes me laugh, and he strangely understands me, but that is all. If he weren’t the Dragonborn...who knows," she shrugged.

He had a great sense of relief but kept the sigh at bay so she wouldn't hear it. She was certainly different, and she had a good grasp of how he was as a person more than he had of her. 

_Different may be good for me_. 

She couldn't see his relief or tell that he was sitting there thinking about what she told him in all his silence, so she headed out to leave again. "Well, thanks for the healing." 

"Wait." It wasn't a rushed 'wait' or a desperate 'wait.' There was a meaning behind that 'wait.' It was full of intent. 

She stopped but didn't turn around, curious to hear what else he had to say as his tone changed again. He stood up and went to her and gently turned her by her uninjured arm to face him. Looking down at her, he could see her looking up with questioning eyes. 

"I think about you more than I should, lass," he admitted, as he subconsciously moved a fallen piece of hair behind her ear. "I know you thought I was manipulative towards you that one time and I'm very sorry that. I know that didn't endear you to me." 

_How many times have I apologized since I've known her? Completely unlike me_. 

She softened with his words. "Brynjolf, you already apologized for that already.” 

"I know, lass. But, I don't want you to think that is how I feel about you. That I want to control you or manipulate you. I…" _Fuck it_ … 

He gently grabbed her face with both hands, bent down, and just kissed her. He was done holding back. There was no teasing, no manipulating—just a straight and real kiss. She was tentative at first, but she found herself softening into him. Since she didn't pull away, he pressed his lips tighter to hers, inserting his tongue as she responded to him. The longer she allowed him to kiss her, the bolder he got. He had waited a long time for her. He would have given up on any other woman, but not her. 

She wasn't sure why she was responding to him so much. She was still slightly angry at him over the whole arm thing and wasn't sure if she could fully trust him. He certainly had control issues. But, she knew it took a lot for him to apologize to her—he never apologized to anyone as far as she knew. 

_Well, it's not like I'm getting into a relationship. Brynjolf doesn't do serious, and I am not looking for serious, so why not? As long as he's not manipulative. It has been a long time now_... She had these thoughts as she felt the ever-familiar warmth between her legs as he kissed her. 

He cupped her head with his hand, running his fingers into her silky hair, caressing it. Their kiss became more heated, then he started kissing her neck and ears—the ears always got her as they twitched and she moaned. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her in even tighter. His lips were softer than she had expected and he pressed them once again to hers, inserting his tongue.

She felt herself being lifted up and carried to his bed. What a difference in him from the last time. This felt more real to her; the last time feeling more contrived. 

_Gods, how long has it been again_ , she wondered too distracted to count the months.

He removed her armor, leaving her in her tunic and smalls then he removed his own armor. Expecting things to become more heated and intimate, he surprised her by not doing anything else. He just pulled her in close to him, draped the soft blanket over them and held her tightly in his bed, her back to his stomach and slipped his arm around her waist. He could see how tired she was. Just holding her and knowing she wasn’t with Erik was enough for him at that moment. He kissed the back of her head and let her sleep. 

She woke up a couple of hours before dawn and headed back to her own bed and Vargr. Curling up next to Vargr, Erik, who was in the next bed over, woke up when he heard her. 

"Looks like _someone_ had a good night." 

"Shut up...nothing happened," she told him as she fell asleep again.

He just smiled wide at her. “Right…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Brynjolf and Belene travel to Solitude to unravel a mystery


	25. Mutually Beneficial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brynjolf finally gets to have Belene in a different way as they travel together to Solitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content, thus NSFW.
> 
> Thank you for reading, commenting and kudos!! Every little bit makes me happy! <3

"I can't believe Gulum-Ei's mixed up in all this; that Argonian couldn't find his tail with both hands. Don't get me wrong, he could scam a beggar out of his last septim...but he's no mastermind. He's also one of the most stubborn lizards I've ever met!"

After Belene's incident at Goldenglow and dealing with Sabjorn over at Honningbrew Meadery in Whiterun, it took another couple of weeks before they discovered the go-to man who helped the unknown person to buy up the two businesses to discredit the Thieves' Guild and make them look bad in front of Maeven, their biggest client and supporter. Without her, it would spell the end for the Guild.

After discussing things over with Mercer, he discovered the middle-man who had been dealing with the very person trying to bring down the Guild.

"So, how should I get him to talk?" Belene asked Brynjolf. 

"You're not... _we_ are. We are going to have to buy him off most likely; it's the only way to get his attention. If that fails, we will follow him and see what he's up to. If I know Gulum-Ei, he's in way over his head, and we will be able to use it as leverage." 

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Since when have you been directly involved in a job, Bryn?" 

"Since this has turned into something bigger than we originally anticipated and I need to be there first-hand to make sure we can dig ourselves out of this." He failed to mention it had the potential to be very dangerous, and he didn't want her seriously injured or killed. 

"You either don't trust me to get the job done, or you aren't telling me everything...which is it?" 

_Always the smart one with her ability to see right through him_. He looked at her sheepishly. "There may be a part I didn't mention…" 

"Worried about me, are you?" She wasn't sure she should feel flattered or annoyed.

After Gaius, he didn’t want to send her on any more jobs that may involve her potential death. "Can you blame me...especially after Gaius?"

She softened with that. _So, not annoyed_. "It's going to be quite a trip. Ready to deal with me for so long?" 

He sighed dramatically. "It will be my burden to bear, lass." 

She laughed, "So, ‘Mr. Serious’ can make a joke! Who knew!" 

"Who's joking?" She whacked him on the arm as he kissed her. 

**********

Brynjolf rented a horse that they would share to save time as Solitude would take a while to get there being all the way across Skyrim. Belene rode in front of Brynolf as he wrapped his arms around her waist while holding the reins. The rocking and swaying of the horse as it walked and his Nord body keeping her warm were making her drowsy as her head fell forward in sleep. Brynjolf gently pulled her head back to rest on his shoulder as he kissed the top of her head, trying to stay awake himself.

Keeping her safe wasn’t the only reason he wanted to come with her to Solitude. It was also so he could be alone with her and away from prying eyes, especially Mercer’s. They had yet to be together intimately after their first kiss since Mercer sent her to Whiterun to handle the Honningbrew Meadery issue. When she got back, she was sent on several smaller jobs for Delvin and Vex. This was the first time he had been alone with her since that day. He wanted her and there wasn’t much that was going to hold him back this time.

After two days, the snow started to fall and the moisture in the air started to penetrate Belene’s joints and bones. He could feel her constantly shifting on the horse, trying to get comfortable. 

“What’s wrong, lass? You’re squirmier than a fish on dry land?”

“My body just hurts sometimes when the weather gets like this. I’m fine.”

She didn’t seem fine, but he didn’t push it. 

When they made it to Whiterun, Brynjolf insisted on getting them a room at the Bannered Mare instead of camping outside. She was sitting on a bear rug on the floor with her feet by the fire. Brynolf asked for their largest room with a fireplace so she could warm her bones.

"Well, traveling with you certainly has its perks, Bryn." She was joking, but he knew she was in a lot of pain from the snow and cold. She didn’t complain, but it was evident on her face. 

He had brought up some food and wine for them to eat, so she didn't have to suffer downstairs in front of everyone. She was sipping on her third mug wine, trying to dull the pain while he sat on the floor with her and rubbed her painful feet. He watched her stare off into the fire, listening to the burning wood pop. He didn’t even know about her feet until that night. He remembered seeing her feet the first time he brought her to bed that night of their first kiss. He never knew what happened to her figuring she would tell him when she was ready, but he found himself asking anyway. 

"What happened to you, lass?" he asked in a whisper as he massaged her right foot. "I understand if you don't want to tell me. Many people don’t like to talk about the bad things in their life. It's OK...but I hate seeing you like this." 

Like Casil, she didn't want to reveal too much of herself, but this was the first time he ever asked her anything, and even with asking, he let her know it was OK if she didn't want to share. Casil always wondered about her past life and asked her frequently. After some thought, or perhaps it was the third mug of wine, she decided to tell him. 

"...and I almost died. That is when they found me, my adoptive parents, on the riverbank by their farm. They couldn't have children of their own, and I didn't have a family, so it worked out well for all of us. They taught me how to live on my own and for that I will always be grateful. But ever since then, my body, especially my feet, suffer in the cold and humidity."

He was quiet for a bit, thinking about what she told him. He could tell she watered down the story, but he could imagine how much worse it really had been for her. "I'm sorry that happened to you, lass. Are these the same parents that…"

"Stop, Bryn. Please. I...I can't. It was hard enough telling you the story of what Gaius did last time...you saw how I was. If I talk about it again, you’re just going to end up with a useless and blubbering Bosmer tonight." 

"Fair enough...I won't pry." 

When he was done rubbing her feet, he grabbed her mug of wine out of her hand and took a sip. "How do you feel now?" 

"A bit tipsy, to be honest. But if you mean my feet, then they feel a bit better. Thank you for that." 

"Tipsy, are we? Does that mean I can take advantage of you?" 

"Are you supposed to be asking to take advantage? Doesn't asking kind of defeat the purpose of having an advantage over someone?" She smirked as she took her mug of wine back, downed the rest of it in one gulp, and grabbed his face to kiss him, pulling him down on bearskin rug with her. 

He pulled back her from her wine-flavored lips long enough to remove most of his armor and boots and went to lie back down next to her before she stopped him, wagging her finger up and down. "Nuh-uh...make sure you remove all of it!"

This was the first time they had been alone intimately and he was pleased that she had the same ideas as he. "Yes, ma'am!” 

When he was fully naked, she pulled him back down on the rug, lying down facing each other. He delicately pulled back her tunic from her breast. She felt no hesitation there from her scars, which pleased her, as his mouth caressed her nipple, his tongue swirling, making it hard. She let a moan escape her lips as he made sure he didn’t neglect her other breast. Lifting her upright, he pulled off her tunic completely and kissed her full lips, pressing her against him as he felt her warm breasts against his chest. He loved her skin against his and was pleased he finally got to have her intimately. 

He couldn't get enough of kissing her as he moved down her stomach to pull off her leather breeches and remove her smalls. Once he had her naked, he eagerly spread her legs wide, hungry for her, as he dove down to suck on her as she arched her back at the unexpected turn of events and ran her hands through his long hair, moaning and quickly forgetting about her pain. 

Brynjolf inserted a couple of fingers and curled them inside of her, moving them in and out as he swirled his tongue along her wetness while his other hand pinched nipples. Pushing back the hood on her bud with his tongue, he sucked on it, twirling a tongue on the very tip that sent a jolt through her body, making her cry out. 

He then gently focused on that spot until he could feel her getting close with her slow bucking into his mouth and pulling his head in tighter. Then he would stop to lick her folds, tasting her. He sucked on her, enjoying her taste and finally having her as she ran her fingers through his hair, pulling his face closer into her.

_Oh, he's good at this_ … “No, back...please…urgh…” she cried out as he focused on a different area to slow her down. She could feel the build-up as the sensation and heat focused on that one area, making her flush and ears twitch.

She arched herself into his mouth trying to get his tongue back again to her bud, feeling the warmth spread through her body and her face flushed as she got closer to the brink. It was like a warm relaxing bath from the inside out. If she were hurting, it was long forgotten.

Moving his fingers back and forth faster, he could feel her getting close again as he teased her yet again. She moaned and arched into his eager mouth and begged him to not stop, forcefully moving his head to the place she wanted it, getting frustrated with his teasing. Finally, he used only the tip of his tongue on her bud while fingering her as she exploded and moaning loudly and feeling her wetness pool around his fingers. She shoved herself closer to his mouth and pulled tightly on his hair in her orgasmic throws. He moaned as she pulsed in his mouth. 

“Shit! That was...” she barely panted out. 

He sat up and looked at her face flushed in ecstasy, ears twitching. He loved that look on a woman, and her ears just made him smile...he didn't know why he liked them so much. He kissed her again and laid down beside her. He could see how tired she was even before all this as she stifled a yawn, so he drew her close to him, his stomach to her back and hardness pressed up against her, trying to ignore it. 

Instead, she turned around to face him, grabbing his face while planting delicate kisses. “What makes you think we are done?”

He smiled and cleared her face of stray hairs. “You’re tired, lass.”

She smiled at him and kissed his face several times again. “So are you, but that didn’t stop you from practically eating me for dinner. Besides, I’m more buzzed than tired.”

“Is that so?” he asked, silently pleased she wanted to continue.

“Mmmhmmm…” She sat up and straddled him, kissing him again, lightly biting his bottom lip as she pulled away. She looked down at him, realizing she wanted to know what he looked like. She didn't know why as she hadn't really cared before... _too much damned wine_. 

Straddling him on his stomach with her head spinning slightly from wine and her orgasm, she reached out to gently touch the side of his face with the palm of her hand as he gripped her waist, feeling her wetness on his stomach. It was taking all of his willpower not to just take her right then and there. "Bryn...what, do you look like?" 

"Oh, uhm, well, it's hard to describe oneself, isn't it, but I will try. I have red hair that comes to my shoulders, my short beard is red and light green eyes...uhm, what else. I have a scar running on the left side of my face, though you probably already knew that...uhm. I don't know, lass. What else can I say?" 

She trailed her fingers around his face, fingers grazing his lips, and drew them down to his chest, rubbing her hands gently through his light chest hair. "Is it red here too?" 

"Aye, it is." 

She scootched back onto his thighs and then slowly ran her hands down between his legs as he hardened even more with her touch. "How about here?" 

"Aye, lass." 

This put a crooked smile on her face as she grabbed him, feeling it swell harder in her hands and listened to him hiss at her touch. She let go of him so she could kiss his tight stomach as he twitched a bit, indicating that he was a bit ticklish. Running a tongue down his abdomen, she moved to his thighs, teasing him with tongue and kisses everywhere but where he actually wanted it. She loved his leathery, musky smell as she inhaled deeply. There was something masculine and feral about it.

"Lass…" 

"Shhhhh…" was all she gave him as she straightened his shaft, pulled back the skin from his tip and inserted it fully into her mouth, causing him to hiss with want. Clasping one hand around his base, she tenderly sucked and licked him without giving him too much...teasing. She dug into his tip with her tongue while sucking it, moving her hand lightly up and down. 

Instead of him demanding more as she was expecting, he lifted her up. "Sit on me…," he whispered. She happily obliged and slowly inserted him into her making them both moan at the same time. When he was all the way he ran deep into her, hitting her tender spot inside as it made her wetter— _by Dibella, what do they feed these Nord men?_ she thought in her tipsy haze. 

“If I knew how good you would feel, I would have done this sooner...you fit just right,” she said in a moan. He wanted to thrust hard into her when she said that, but he bided his time, enjoying her feel and her slight movements, though it was hard as she was already so wet and warm from her previous orgasm.

He loved it when women were on top so he could watch them and easily massage their breasts, pinching their nipples, and he knew they liked the deepness of it. She started touching herself and he groaned deeply watching her... _I love that, women rarely do that for me._ He was enjoying her so much, he had to start thinking of other things and closed his eyes as her body almost danced and swayed on top of him. 

Soon her clenching and radiating heat and wetness forced his eyes open as she came on him. He watched her arch her back as she moaned loudly and pulsated on his hardness. He was unable to hold back any longer as he released in her, groaning loudly with each thrust. She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, then fell on top of him, him still inside of her with her stomach sprawled on top of his. 

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close and whispered in her ear. "Remind me to travel with you more often...or maybe just get you drunk." 

He got a whack on the arm for that one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Betrayals


	26. The Betrayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene and Brynjolf find the person set out to destroy the Guild. Brynjolf realizes he is feeling more for Belene than he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments!!! It means everything!! <3

They reached Solitude after two days on horseback and found Gulumn-Ei at his usual hangout at the Winking Skeever. Even with Brynjolf there in a threatening manner and bribing him with Firebrand Wine, the Argonian refused to give up his contact. Brynjolf and Belene were forced to follow him in the dark to see if he led them to more answers and fewer questions.

Belene was relieved that Brynjolf invited himself along as she never had to follow someone, without getting caught. It proved to be quite a challenge for her, but with Brynjolf’s help, he could guide her and teach her what she needed to know. They had to sneak without being seen, but they couldn’t struggle behind either lest they lose a visual on Gulumn-Ei.

Brynjolf saw him enter the East Empire Trading Company Warehouse. He grabbed Belene’s hand so she could follow quickly behind without tripping on anything. He made quick work with the complicated lock and they entered the warehouse. Belene took out guards from a distance ahead of Gulumn-Ei, so it would be one less thing to deal with.

They eventually followed him into a cave that was crawling with mercenaries, clearly, it was a place where stolen goods were kept. After killing off several mercenaries, they finally had Gulumn-Ei cornered talking in hushed tones to some mercenary leader.

Belene fired at the mercenary from a distance, but he saw her at the last minute and dodged the arrow. Brynjolf drew his daggers while the mercenary readied his sword and Gulumn-Ei cowered in a corner. Belene had never witnessed Brynjolf fight before, he was so fast in his movements, the mercenary never knowing what hit him. Belene tried to get a bead on the mercenary but the two were too fast in their fighting dance for her to find her target. It didn’t matter in the end as Brynjolf quickly dispatch the mercenary with his daggers.

Gulumn-Ei was in a panic at the loss of his mercenaries. “Now, there's no need to do anything rash... This isn't as bad as it seems. I was going to tell Mercer about everything, honestly! Please... he'll have me killed!"

Brynjolf was in no mood and got in the Argonian’s face. “Tell me now or I'll kill you where you stand.” 

"No, please! There's no need for that! I'll tell you everything. It's Karliah...her name is Karliah."

Brynjolf looked at the Argonian in shock, mouth gaped. Belene could hear his gasp and feel his stress. “Is this someone I should know, Bryn?”

Before Brynjolf got past his shock, Gulumn-Ei spoke up. “Karliah is the thief responsible for murdering the previous Guild Master, Gallus. Now she's after Mercer."

“Oh no, Bryn...we need to warn Mercer!”

“Aye, lass.” He looked at Gulumn-Ei then. “I'll keep quiet about your scam, but you owe me. And if I catch wind of you double-crossing us again, you will find my blade in between your eyes.”

“Then Consider me your new friend in the North.”

Belene and Brynjolf quickly left the warehouse. He was hoping they could take their time on the way back to Riften, so he could spend it with Belene, but there was no way now. They had to rush back to Mercer.

**********

Several days on horseback proved too much for both of them as well as the horse, despite the camping breaks. They had to get some rest, so they had some dinner and rented a room at Vilemyr Inn in Ivarstead. After three days on horseback, they were too tired to do much else other than sleep. But Brynjolf was OK with that. He got to hold her a little longer. She curled up into him, leg draped over his thigh and her head rested under his chin as he held her tightly. 

He thought about how he came to have these feelings with the woman he was holding, kissing her head, wanting her more than any other woman. They had spent an entire week alone together and he finally had the time to really get to know her on a deeper level. Before he could think more on it, exhaustion won out and he quickly fell asleep.

They finally reached Riften by early the next evening and gave Mercer all the information they found from Gulumn-Ei. Brynjolf had never seen Mercer so angry, and he could certainly understand knowing that Karliah betrayed and killed his friend.

**********

Erik had been gone for nearly a month after Mercer took him to hunt down Karliah, who had apparently killed the old Guild leader. Erik finally returned injured with the betrayer, as Karliah had been known and Mercer nowhere to be found. She had never heard Brynjolf so angry than he was at that moment, accusing Erik of betraying the Guild. 

_No, not Erik. He wouldn't do that_

"You better have a damn good reason to be here with that...murderer," Brynjolf almost spat at Erik. He seemed ready to kill her friend. 

"Bryn…please. You know Erik. He would never betray us," she pleaded with worry, trying to calm him. 

Karliah walked up and addressed everyone. Belene could tell she was slightly nervous, but she also had an air of confidence in her soft and breathy voice. "Please, lower your weapons so we can speak. I have proof that you've all been misled!" 

She handed Brynjolf a journal owned by the previous Guild leader, Gallus, proving that Mercer was the one who killed him. Brynjolf read it, and his face darkened. Even worse, she claimed Mercer had stolen from the Guild right under their noses. Brynjolf still didn't believe it as he and Delvin went to open the vault come to find it completely empty. 

_No!_ All that work she put into the Guild had been for not. She hadn't saved nearly enough for a house, now the Guild had nothing. The vault was thoroughly cleaned out. She wondered how they were going to make back all that loot. _All that work_ …

Brynjolf was furious, but not as much at Mercer as one would think, but at himself. To be the second in command and how long he had known Mercer to have all this happen right under his very nose and have no idea was a complete embarrassment. He was usually very intuitive and for him to be wholly blindsided like this was a shock, to say the least, and made him question all that he believed. 

After Belene checked on Erik and his injuries, knowing that he was OK, she headed to Brynjolf’s room to check on him as well. 

"How could I have been so blind?" he asked that night while she was curled up in his bed with him, his arm wrapped around her. 

"We all missed it, Bryn. Not just you." 

"But I have known him the longest, and I didn't see anything at all."

"Mercer didn't get to where he was by making mistakes," she tried to explain, knowing he was taking this hard.

He sighed heavily, hearing her words. "True, but still...I should have sensed something...anything" 

She shrugged into his body. "Sometimes, we choose not to see them because we don't want to. I'm not saying that is what you did, but when we are around people long enough, we don't just get to know them, but when you're used to a person behaving a certain way and changes are only subtle, those changes aren't so readily seen."

He rolled over and turned to her. "Always smart as a whip, aren’t you," he said, brushing loose hairs out of her face, smiling. Then his face turned serious. "I need you to do something for me if you would." 

"Sure, what do you need?"

"I need you to go to Mercer's place, break-in, and see if there is anything he left behind. Plans, notes, anything. He's careful, so I doubt anything is there, but I need you to look anyway. Can you do that? You won't be alone. I'm going to send you in with Erik." 

"Yes, I can do that." 

He kissed her forehead. "Be careful, lass. This is the last place in Skyrim I'd ever want to send you. Just find a way in, get the information and leave. And you have permission to kill anyone that stands in your way."

"OK, I understand." 

"I don't want to lose y...anyone else to that madman."

_It seems like you are caring more than you let on, Brynjolf._

He leaned in to kiss her and wanted her intimately then, afraid he was leading her to her death, which was why he was sending Erik with her. He wanted to hold her, feel her, taste her. Brynjolf was feeling more for her with each passing day and he thought she may sense it. She was clear that she didn’t want a strong commitment. Normally he didn’t either, but he had no control over himself when it came to her. He hoped she was feeling the same way, but he wasn’t about to ask her and ruin things between them. Was it love? No, he didn’t think so, but it was certainly more than fleeting.

He made love to her that night, hoping it wouldn’t be their last time together. She was strong and able, but with the Dragonborn, she had a much better chance of returning to him.

Belene left his room before dawn and went to sleep for a few more hours with Vargr before she headed out to Mercer's. She wasn't sure why she never stayed in his room through the night. It started to become a habit for her to leave. She thought about this and realized it was most likely because she was trying to prevent any attachments to him. Brynjolf lately would give an extra snuggle there, a delicate touch here. They were forming some sort of bond and she wasn’t sure she wanted it.

_No, that’s not right either. It’s not that I don’t want it...I’m afraid of it. As soon as I get attached to him, he’s just going to be taken away from me._

They had been getting closer to each other than she would have liked. She didn’t want it to end with him, yet she was worried that things were going to progress further. So, she took steps to keep things more casual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Belene refuses to join in the hunt for Mercer


	27. Through the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene refuses to be a part of the Nocturnals, much to the disappointment of Brynjolf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always for reading and commenting! It means so much!! <3

Mercer had left several hired thugs behind to protect his place, from what, they didn’t know, so Belene and Erik were forced to take them out. They searched his house from top to bottom, finding Mercer had virtually cleaned out the house. Since thugs were left behind to protect the house, there must have been something still hidden; something Mercer didn’t want found. From all appearances, it looked as if he left not a scrap of paper behind. It was only by mistake that Belene found the secret door when she opened up the wardrobe that contained a false panel. Inside they found a secret room and Erik found some sort of plans left behind that neither of them understood. 

When they finally returned, unharmed, to the Cistern from Mercer's house, she saw Brynjolf there with Karliah, talking quietly and in-depth. Brynjolf quickly came up to her, relieved to see she was unharmed without giving too much away to the others who may be watching, though he wanted nothing more than to hold her, knowing she was safe. He was sure many knew and gossiped about them, but he had to keep things about business in the Cistern. 

He stood close to her, but not so close as to give anything away. "We've scoured the town, and I've spoken to every contact we have left. No sign of Mercer. Any luck on your end, lass?" 

"Erik and I found these." She handed him some documents and a map. 

"Shor's beard! Is he going after the Eyes of the Falmer? That was Gallus's pet project. If he gets his hands on them, you can be certain he'll be gone for good and set up for life." 

"What do we need to do then?" 

Karliah had been silent since the arrival of Belene and Erik but spoke up then explaining about the Nightingales and Nocturnal. She wanted them to join the Nightingales in order to give them an edge over Mercer, who had to be eliminated. They wouldn't be able to defeat him otherwise.

Belene was familiar with the Daedric Prince as her adoptive parents used to read to her all the time about the history and lore of Nirn. "I'm sorry, but I cannot join you." 

They all looked at her, wondering why she was backing out of hunting Mercer after everything she had been through, some horrible things at the hands of Mercer, remembering Goldenglow.

She could tell they were all looking at her wondering why she didn’t want to do whatever it took to find Mercer and destroy him. "Look, I get we need to hunt down Mercer and need to use all the tools at our disposal, but...but I can't do this. I’m so sorry." 

Belene walked away letting Karliah, Brynjolf and Erik figure things out. She just couldn't do it. She wasn't about to sell her soul away just to hunt down Mercer. It wasn't worth it to her. There wasn’t much in this world that would sway her otherwise. 

She headed back to the Flagon to get a drink and to get some work from either Del or Vex to start bringing back money to the Guild and continue her pursuit of a home when Brynjolf caught up with her. 

"Wait, Bel." 

She knew he was going to argue with her, and she didn't want to have to explain, but she also knew he wouldn't give her a chance to walk away either without a sufficient answer. This meant too much to him. Finding Mercer was everything and she understood that. 

"Do you mind telling me what that was all about, lass?" 

She decided to just be honest with him. It was difficult because they had been spending so much time together, more than she anticipated, sensing they were getting closer...no, knowing they were. Now she was going to have to explain more about her husband. 

"I know this means a lot to you. It means a lot to me too, but I refuse to sell my soul, even if it means catching Mercer. I cannot. I...I want to be eternally with my husband, Brynjolf. I don't want to be separated from him when I die and be in...in some dark Void for eternity." 

He realized then, disappointedly, she was still committed and attached to her late husband. He thought maybe they were getting closer, hoping they were, but he saw it wasn't the case. "It's OK, lass. I get it. I can see you were afraid you were going to hurt me, but I understand. I have to go, though, and do this." 

She was relieved at his understanding. She enjoyed her time with him and didn't want it to stop, but she didn't want them to get any closer. What Belene had been recognizing was her feelings were deepening for him. She had been pushing back in small ways. But she wasn't about to tell him that. She failed to recognize that if she gets close to someone, they will die but she was sending Brynjolf to do that very thing and if he died, she would be crushed. 

No longer caring about gossip at that point, he reached out for her and hugged her in front of everyone. Something he had never done before. All their intimate acts had been behind closed doors, keeping everything else business. But he didn't care this time. He may not come return and wanted to hold her one last time. The small gesture made her rethink about him not caring as much as he was letting on, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that, confusing her emotions. It certainly put an end to any gossip about her and Erik. 

He kissed her forehead and let her go. "I've got to go now, lass." 

"Be careful out there...please, Bryn." 

********** 

It had been four days, and they should have been back. Belene was really starting to worry. Worry that Mercer had killed them all. She was worried about her friend, and she found herself worrying even more for Brynjolf, refusing work in case they returned.

 _See, this is why I can't get attached. They get killed every time I get close. The fucking Gods hate me!_

She tried to push back developing feelings for him, but she found it challenging to do. She didn't understand it either. He was almost the polar opposite of her late husband. He was stubborn, intense, certainly not easy-going, serious, controlling… He stopped being controlling with her because she wouldn't allow it, but every aspect of the Guild, he managed tightly; he had to. 

Though when they were together alone, intimately, she would see a side of him that he didn't let anyone else see. He could be caring, delicate, giving and kind. It was like he was two separate men. It was the second man that had her enjoying. While she may feel more for him than before, it didn't change anything. Her plan was still the same.

Two days later, they all finally returned alive. They were successful in killing Mercer, but it wasn't without cost. Brynjolf had been seriously injured. Karliah tried to help him as much as she could, but she was no healer. He had some very deep and severe wounds from Mercer's blades. If Brynjolf weren't as good as he was at fighting, he would have been killed. They were going to stop to get proper healing, but Brynjolf insisted they press forward and back to the Guild. He had to see her and didn't want to die anywhere else. 

Erik, too, was injured, but not to the extent Brynjolf was. Vex, who grudgingly took a liking to his attentions, treated him while Belene looked after Brynjolf after some of the men carried him to his room. 

"What happened to you, Bryn? Why didn't you stop to get healing? Have you lost your fucking mind?" she asked in frustration, trying not to worry, visions of her late husband flooding her mind. This scene was not unlike the last time, her scrambling to heal wounds. She was trying not to cry while grabbing linen wraps, ointments, and healing potions, slamming cabinets more angrily than she intended.

"He's dead, that's all that matters."

"That's _not_ all that matters, dammit!" She pinched the bridge of her nose for a minute to calm her nerves.

"Don't tell me you are starting to care about me, lass.” He was trying to joke, but his pain masked the humor in his voice. 

She pretended to scowl at him. "Shut up and take your fucking medicine!" 

"Yes, milady…,” he sassed weakly as she pulled his head up and poured the contents of the vial down his throat. 

She opened up his new leather jacket and pulled it off of him. She hissed from feeling around and noticing all his wounds, and he hissed at her poking and prodding. He had multiple stab wounds, some worse than others. One severe enough, it was still bleeding out. 

"Dammit, Brynjolf, you stubborn bastard! I can't believe you didn't bleed to death." 

"Lass, stop poking me...by Ysmir!” 

"You're not going to like this, but I have to burn this shut, Bryn. I can’t suture for obvious reasons. It's going to hurt." 

"Just do it…" through gritted teeth.

She took her dagger to the fire in the room and heated it up until it glowed. "Ready?" 

He nodded his head and clenched his entire body, readying himself for the pain. And painful it was as he growled loudly, but tried to keep it in. 

"By the Eight, as if I didn't hurt enough... You trying to kill me, lass? Gods, you make a terrible healer," he panted out. He was in pain, but he meant it in jest. 

She pretended to chide him. "You bring it out of me, Bryn." 

It took quite a while to clean and treat all his wounds and wrap him up. She would have to change the bandages later, but he should live. The pain was too much for him, and he finally fell asleep. She curled up next to him and watched him sleep as she tucked his hair gently out of the way, relief washed over her that he would live. She could feel his face was full of tension from the pain, but at least he was getting rest. 

She left a couple of hours later. It was late, and she wanted to sleep in her own bed with Vargr. Part of her wanted to return to him while he was recovering, afraid he may die after all, but she forced herself to stay in her bed. 

"He OK?" Erik asked. 

"I think so. He has a lot of wounds, but I think I got them all. How are you doing." 

"Better now. That crazy minx of a woman treated me, and she's none too delicate, I tell ya. But hey, she actually touched me, and I'm still alive, so I'm more than good."

Belene laughed lightly at him. "You sure do have some crazy ideas about love, Erik. You’re a damned masochist." 

“Well, love is painful, after all!” He suddenly got more serious. "Bel?" 

"Hmmm?" 

"Why are you here and not with him, if you don't mind me asking? Clearly you were worried about him. I saw it on your face."

"I...I just can't, Erik." 

"You can't not love the rest of your life, my friend. It isn't healthy, and certainly lonely."

"Please leave it alone, Erik."

" _Fine_ , I will stay out of her _Highness'_ ass about it. I just don't want you to deny yourself happiness because you're afraid." With that, he rolled over to go to sleep, leaving her alone in her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Belene is forced to explain why she leaves before Brynjolf wakes.


	28. Ill Gotten Gains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brynjolf finally confronts Bel as to why she leaves in the middle of the night. Bel sticks around for a while to help the Guild build back up, but realizes that isn't why she's really sticking around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual Content, thus NSFW.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and the kudos. I appreciate it so very much!

Brynjolf refused to be in charge of the Thieves' Guild and made Erik the leader in return for killing Mercer and being the Dragonborn. Erik was quite resistant at first, with quite a lot of bickering and snark back and forth, as he didn't want to lead anything. He was a player, not a leader. But since Erik spent quite a bit of time with this Dragonborn business and realized that things were getting more serious, maybe he should as well. In all honesty, he thought it would impress Vex. 

Belene and Erik still spent countless hours talking. She was grateful to have a friend, someone she could talk to and who understood her. He was also fantastic at making her laugh, easing things when life got a bit too stressful.

"How are things going with our surly friend?" he asked one day. 

"It's fine…," she responded vaguely. 

"Well, that's a nice and vague response. Bel, come on...you know you can talk to me. OK, so I may drive you crazy with my constant teasing and wonderful life-altering advice, but really, I promise to behave." 

"I know. Thanks for that. It's just I'm…" 

"Feeling more for him?" 

She sighed, deciding to be honest and nodded, "Yeah, a bit, though I'm not happy about it." 

"Bel, why can't you let yourself be happy about it? You can't keep running forever. I know why you feel the way you do, but surely you aren't happy living this way. Though who am I to say? I like being strangely abused by Vex!" 

Erik always had a way to make her laugh. "Yes, you and abuse seem to go well together. I will never understand it." 

She thought about his words. "I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore. I thought my path and direction was finally certain, and now suddenly, it's not." 

"Well, welcome to life, Bel! See...life-altering advice!"

She laughed and punched him in the arm.

"OK...OK! So not so life-altering...sheesh!" 

**********

It was several hours away from dawn when she woke up to go to her own bed per usual. As she was about to stand, she felt him grab her hand, startling her. 

"You don't have to leave, lass," he whispered groggily and yawning. 

"I...I do."

"I know I like to keep us separate from business, but I wouldn't mind you staying until morning. You always leave before I wake up." 

She was uncertain as to what to say. Brynjolf was generally a heavy sleeper, and she was usually able to sneak out without him noticing. Though she was sure he knew she was leaving earlier than usual when he woke up alone in the mornings, yet he never said anything about it, so she kept doing it. 

"Would you mind telling me why you have to leave as early as you do?" 

_If he wanted to keep intimacy and business separate and not want anything more than what they were doing, then why does he care if I leave or not?_

"Does it matter?" she asked flatly, trying to convey nothing to him. 

He sighed and looked at her, sitting up in bed. It did, in a way, matter as he was feeling more for her than he had intended. He also knew she was as well, but she wasn't admitting it or, most likely, denying it. He saw how much she cared when he came back injured. There was no masking those sorts of emotions. 

"It depends on why you are doing it, lass," he said softly, trying to be understanding. "You told me to be honest with you once. How about you do the same for me." 

_He's right. I told him I didn't want to get serious, but I've never fully explained why. I did the same with Casil and look how that turned out. Maybe if I'm honest, he will understand, and we won't have to stop what we are doing._

She lay back down on the bed on her back so she wouldn't have to look at him as he lay on his side, propped up on an elbow, watching and waiting to hear what she had to say.

"Bryn, I was happily married for just over four years before I lost my husband. He was a hunter...a good one, and a bear mauled him one day. He managed to make it home, but he died...died in my arms. I had previously, before I met him, spent five years of my life chasing Gaius with hate and anger and revenge in my heart. Helvar brought me back from the brink. He reminded me how to love and be happy. I have never known anyone like him and probably never will. I loved him so deeply; I'm still not quite over his death. I spent years wandering, just waiting to die to be reunited with him in the afterlife. Then I met a merchant, and we had a fling for almost a year, but he wanted more than I could give him. After that, I decided I needed to stop wandering and find a home. Then I found the Guild." 

She looked over at him and sighed. "I lost my birth parents at a very young age. I found love again with new parents, and Gaius took them away from me. Then I had a chance to have a baby with Helvar, but I guess Arkay seemed to think I didn't deserve one, and I lost my baby too, unable to conceive ever again. Then the Gods took Helvar from me.

Can't you see? Every single person I have ever loved was stolen from me. I feel all of it still. I don't deal with grief very well; it's hard for me to let go and move on. If I let go...I...I will forget them. I thought if I loved again, I would be betraying Helvar somehow, and at first, that was true. But, in reality, I don't think I can take another loss in my life. I...I'm afraid if I love again, they will be taken from me too. When I saw you so injured, I had flashes of my late husband. It was horrible. I know it all probably sounds irrational, but the fear runs deep. I guess I never felt the need to tell you any of this because you weren't looking for love either."

_So, she_ is _feeling more for me than she's letting on, and now she's afraid of it._

She rolled over on her side, facing away from him as the expected tears came. She didn't want him to see her cry for some reason. She hated being so emotional sometimes. "So, I leave you before you wake as a way to maintain some semblance of control over my emotions and a small way to prevent me from getting attached to you. There...happy?" 

"No, lass. I'm never happy to hear about your suffering. But you left out one important thing in your life that you love and is alive. One who has never left your side since I've known you...Vargr. Does she not count?"

"Yes, I do love Vargr. You're right," she said in between sniffles. "She also left me no choice in the matter by refusing to leave my side despite my protests. I still worry about her every day, which is why I trained her so well." 

Things were much clearer to him now that she explained it all. He never got attached because the Thieves' Guild was his life—it was everything to him. Gallus had saved his life the day he was brought into the Guild. His loyalty to the Guild ran so strong; he refused commitments because the women always wanted more than he could give. So, he worshiped Dibella and gave the women something else in return. In the end, they still wanted more from him. But not Belene. She never demanded anything out of him except to treat her with respect. 

"I think I understand now, lass. If you feel you have to leave, then you do so. But I want you to know you can stay with me until we have to work. Nothing has changed, so don't worry about it. I'm not going to push you or demand from you." 

He was feeling more for her, but he wasn't going to push her or ask for more if that was not what she wanted. He was quite happy with the way things were, as long as he could spend some time with her. 

As she was crying quietly, he lay back down on the bed and pulled her to face him. Wiping away the tears with his thumbs, he leaned in and kissed her, tasting the saltiness from her tears on her lips. The kissing soon turned into something more heated as they found themselves making love with her on top of him. He just sat there inside of her wet warmth as he watched her move slowly back and forth on him, caressing her breasts, then sat up to suckled her nipples. 

He hit her so profoundly as she started to feel the first signs of an orgasm, making her move faster. He held her tighter while grabbing her hair from the back of her head, pulling her head slightly back as he kissed her neck. She was unable to do any moving as he sat up, holding her tightly and did all the work. He could tell she was going to explode soon as she then clenched tightly around him, her moaning loudly, then the ever-familiar pulsing around him. 

"By Dibella, you always feel so good," she moaned loudly, which pushed him over the edge as he lifted her hips up and down, harder and faster in her, causing him to explode as well. 

She fell off of him and onto his side as he pulled her in tightly to hold her, and they both quickly fell asleep. She didn't wake until after dawn. 

********** 

Everyone in the Guild knew it would take quite a while and a lot of effort to get back what they had lost from Mercer. The Eyes of Falmer recovered from him returned a nice and tidy profit, but they had a long way to go still. Everyone was working double-time to recoup what they lost and get the coin flowing again. 

Erik, surprisingly, was an effective leader...when he was around. Brynjolf was in charge often as Erik had to frequently leave to deal with the rising of the dragons, which were appearing more often across Skyrim. 

Belene now had the money she would need for a house, but she stuck around the Guild longer to help it recover. She was taking more and more jobs, taking her away from Brynjolf more frequently. She was telling herself she was sticking around to help the Guild, but the longer Belene was away from him, the more she realized she was staying just for him. 

As the months wore on, the Guild was starting to spread its influence throughout Skyrim. They were more recruits who were helping to get the Guild flowing with coin once again. As the Guild grew, so did the complexity of the jobs, which in turn brought in even more coin. 

Belene had returned from Markarth after helping a client recover a silver candle mold, which brought a hefty sum and more Guild influence throughout Markarth. She had was for several weeks, and Brynjolf found he had missed her terribly, not used to her gone for so long. When the day was over, Brynjolf brought her to his room and lifted her up into his arms. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist as they held each other. 

"I have to admit; I really missed you, lass." 

"Don't get all soft on me now, Brynjolf," she laughed and then kissed him deeply. _Yes, I missed you too._

He finally put her down and went to a table to grab something. "I have something for you, lass." He grabbed her hand and handed her the package wrapped in cloth. 

"Bryn, you don't need to buy me things...or did you steal this one," she chuckled, cocking a sassy eyebrow at him.

He smiled at her, hoping she would like it. "No, I bought this one, lass." 

"Seriously, you didn't have to do that. I don't need gifts."

"Are you going to complain, or are you going to open it?" 

Smiling, she opened the cloth it was wrapped in and felt the soft and delicate fabric almost pool through her fingertips. "Oh, is this what I think it is?" 

"Aye, lass. It's a new tunic to replace your old one that was damaged. I found a merchant who was selling them and had to get one for you." 

"That merchant wouldn't have the name of Casil, would it?

"Who? No, this merchant was a woman," he said, looking at her curiously. _The lover?_

"I know how expensive this is, Bryn. You shouldn't spend so much on me." 

"Quit your bellyaching and put it on, lass. You needed a new one anyway." 

She stripped naked to put on the tunic, more for his benefit than hers, as the delicate fabric molded to her body. She reached up to hug and kiss him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Thank you, Bryn. I love it so much. It feels wonderful." 

"You're welcome, lass. This one is dark blue, and the color suits you beautifully. The merchant was out of the black one," he explained as he quickly removed the new tunic leaving her standing there completely naked. 

He dove into her face, kissing her deeply as he grabbed her breast and moved down with his mouth, kissing and nibbling her nipples. He was starving for her body and touch as he fell to his knees and opened her folds to lick and suck her as he grabbed her round ass tightly, pressing her deeper into his mouth, moaning in her wet mound. His movements fast and hungry. He _really_ missed her. Shor's _beard, I missed this woman. She was gone far too long._

Belene wobbled while standing with his forceful movements, so he carried her to his bed to continue his administration to her bud. He folded her legs back as he ran his tongue up and down, teasing her as she writhed under his efforts. She moaned for more and to not stop to which he happily complied. After she exploded into his mouth, he stripped off his clothes, turned her around, and quickly entered her. 

He raised her hips as he entered her warm wetness. Her wetness readily invited him as he tightly grabbed her hips. He could hear her moans through the pillow, making him move faster and deeper in her—hips against ass as he pushed himself harder into her. As he came closer, he ran his fingers through her silky strands, pulling tightly but not painfully as he thrust into her. He could feel her clench around him as they both exploded. They both fell back onto the bed, with him still on top of her, trying to calm his heart rate. 

He rolled over and smacked her ass and rewarded him with a yelp. "Yep, I missed you, lass," he said, out of breath as she laughed into the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Lost and found


	29. Blown Off Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene unexpectedly leaves the Guild and Brynjolf is at a loss as to how to deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! It always means so very much to me!! <3

_Four months later._

Erik had returned to leading the Guild after being gone for several months and came back a changed man. Everyone in the Flagon surrounded him as he recounted his tale of defeating Alduin, which was full of typical Erik flair and an abundance of exaggerations. Everyone was in awe their Guild leader actually saved the world. He was as jovial as always, but Belene could hear the pain and fatigue in his voice. She knew it was probably written on his face as well, but everyone was too enthralled with his story to notice. Belene was just grateful he came back alive, yet she worried about him. She very much missed her friend.

To everyone's surprise, Vex came up to him, grabbed him, and kissed him deeply. Erik was wide-eyed, hands afraid to touch her, unsure if she was going to stab him in the heart or not after the kiss, but when he found himself still alive, he embraced her as they continued to kiss.

Brynolf had a late meeting with Maeven that night, and Belene was sitting in bed with Vargr curled up into her while Erik laid there on his back in his bed with a big smile on his face. He had Mercer's old home, but he stuck around for Vex and Belene.

"So you and Vex? I can't say I'm surprised, but I'm happy for you. I know you have been waiting a long time to connect with her without fear for your life." 

"Aye! Happiest day ever!" But there was little humor in his voice. Fighting Alduin had changed him—changed his view on life. He was tired emotionally and physically. 

"It was really hard, Bel," he said softly, almost painfully. "It was so long and the hardest battle I had ever done in my life. I am not even sure I killed him. But I think he's gone. That kind of battle changes a person, you know? Remind me never to go through that again." He looked over at her to see if she understood. 

She reached out to grasp his hand as he grabbed her's for reassurance. "I know what you mean. I haven't had a battle like that, but I know how things can change one's life, drastically sometimes. It can change you as a person. I'm just glad you came back to us alive, Erik. I was so worried about you, and I really missed you. I know it was hard on you, but I am so impressed with how you saved us all." 

"I knew you of all people would understand, Bel." 

They were quiet for a while before he turned to her. "So how about you and Mr. Moody? How is that going?" 

She had been thinking about it a lot lately, too much. "I...I think…" 

He saw how serious she was suddenly and looked clearly upset. "What's wrong, Bel?" he asked, suddenly sitting up. 

She didn't want to talk about it after everything Erik had gone through, her own problems seemed so insignificant in comparison, but the words came tumbling out regardless. "I have to go, Erik...leave the Guild. I hate to leave you, but I have to."

"Why?" 

"I can't do this anymore. I have fallen for Bryn, I couldn't help it. I...just have to go. I have money saved to buy a house, but I'm not sure I even want to stay in Riften anymore. I was thinking of finally going back home. I...I need to be alone for a while...think about things." She covered her face with her hands and started to cry. "I'm so sorry; you're problems are so much worse, and here I am feeling stupid for crying over such a thing as love."

Erik came over and hugged her. "Hey, there is nothing stupid about how you are feeling. What I went through doesn't change the fact that you have your own pain. I will surely miss you, my friend, if that is what you must do, but I understand you need to do what you need to do." 

"I will miss you too, but you know where I will be. Will you come to visit?" 

"Of course, I will!" 

"Please don't tell him where I've gone. I'm leaving before dawn, before he wakes."

"I understand."

"You have been a wonderful friend, and I hope I don't lose that."

"Never!" 

**********

Belene had been gone for six months now. Brynjolf thought at first she left for a job without telling him, but no one knew where she was. Vex and Del never gave her any work. It wasn't until he found her note tucked away on his desk looking like a piece of discarded paper. It was a short note with one sentence; " _I can't do this anymore, I'm so sorry. B"_. She had someone write the note for her and left it in his room to ensure he wouldn't follow her for some reason or worry that she was dead when she didn't return. 

He tried to get over her. He knew he had developed strong feelings for her, but didn't realize how strong they were until she was gone and out of his life. He knew she had started to feel more for him as well. She didn't say so much in words. It was how she was behaving around him. A gentle touch here, a delicate kiss there, staying longer in the mornings, and he wondered if she left because of that. It would be something she would do. She tended to run away from strong feelings. 

At first, he would focus on work, making sure the Guild continued to run smoothly and bring in the coin, but it was only a distraction during the day. The evenings were another matter. Everything in his room had memories of her in it. Part of him wanted to chase after her. To find her and bring her home, but chasing wasn't his way... _but still_. 

One evening he was sharing some Colovian Brandy at Erik's house, talking business and such. They had become friends themselves and started frequently talking of things of the more personal nature. Not to the extent Erik had with Belene, but it was still a friendship of sorts. 

"How are things, Bryn?" 

Brynjolf had been distracted that evening, lost in thought, twirling the brandy, watching the amber liquid swirl smoothly in the glass. "Well, business is as good as it's ever been and…" 

"No, not business. I'm talking about you...personally." 

He shrugged. "The same as it always is, I guess."

"It's OK if you say you miss her. I see it in you."

He looked up at Erik and sighed in frustration, not happy being forced to focus on Belene. "Yes, OK, I miss her. It's hard not to." 

They were quiet for a while when it suddenly dawned on Brynjolf that she and Erik were great friends. If anyone knew where she went and why it would be Erik. 

_Why haven't I thought of that before?! Stupid!_

He stared at Erik for a long time, too long perhaps, as Erik was starting to feel uncomfortable, shifting in his seat. "Would you mind telling me why you have that look like I suddenly sprouted warts on my face?" 

"You...if anyone knew what had happened to her, it would be you." 

Erik couldn't hide his look that said he knew exactly where she was. He wasn't a master at hiding feelings or showing people something completely different like Brynjolf was. He swallowed hard, unintentionally. 

"I…I don't know what you mean." 

"Horker shit. You know, and I can see it all over your face. I get it. She told you not to tell me where she went, right?" 

Erik sighed and nodded. 

"Did she at least tell you why she left? I got her note, which you must have written, but it was completely vague." 

"I'm not really comfortable telling you her secrets, Bryn."

Brynjolf put down his brandy glass, rested his elbows on his knees as he rubbed his face with his hands, sighing. 

"Erik, I can't take it anymore. She's been gone so long already, and I miss her every single day. Time isn't lessening these feelings. I can't stop thinking about her, dammit! Memories of us surround my room, and work has become rather unpleasant now. 

Initially, we agreed there would be no attachments. It was perfect at first, but eventually, I wanted more. I never once asked Belene for more or pushed her into anything she didn't want. I was content to have her to myself no matter how much she decided to give me. Despite all of that, now I have nothing, and I can barely think of work without thinking of her." 

He didn't know why he confessed this to Erik. Perhaps if anyone understood, it would be him since he knew her so well. 

Erik did understand. Bel had similar feelings towards Bryn, but Bryn didn't know that. He debated on telling the upset man. Maybe it would make him at least feel better if he knew she cared too, or it could make him feel worse.

"Bryn, she left because she was falling for you." 

Erik was kind of surprised that Brynjolf wasn't with what he just told him. "So, you know, then? She said she didn't tell you." 

"She didn't. When you spend that much time with a person, lad, you start learning more and more about them. You become in tune with their behaviors or changes in behavior like hers was. Aye, I knew."

 _Delicate touches early in the morning when she thought he was asleep, pushing away a stray hair, light kiss on the forehead..._

"And, you're OK with that? I thought you wanted to be a perpetual bachelor. That the Guild was everything." 

"It is...it was...Everything changed the day she walked into my life, and I hadn't realized it at the time. But now I'm finding I need her more." 

Erik had to admit, the man moved him. He was torn between keeping her secret and telling Brynjolf. They clearly both cared about each other, and he couldn't understand why the two couldn't be together. Maybe this would be the push she needed to realize it and accept her path finally. Sometimes friends needed a little nudge in a particular direction. 

He sighed heavily, "She's going to kill me, you know. I'm not sure I want to be on her bad side, but I will tell you. She went home to where her husband is buried to live there for a while. If she's still there, who can say?" 

After Erik told him where her home was, Brynjolf stood, pulled up Erik from his chair, and gave him a big bear hug. "Thank you, Erik. I will try to keep her from killing you." 

Erik laughed nervously. "I would appreciate that." 

Then Brynjolf rushed out to pack and to find Belene. It was very unlike him to chase after a woman, but she wasn't just any woman. 

********** 

It took him almost a full day to get there after spending a couple of days in Ivarstead for a business matter. It was evening as he climbed the rocky hill to the top where it leveled off. There it was—the cabin, surrounded by lush trees. It was peaceful up there, and he understood why the house was built in this area. 

He knew she was still there because she had a roaring fire outside, and candlelight poured out of a couple of windows of the cabin. There were panels of wood and tools strewn about as if she had been repairing the house. He was impressed, as always, with the ways she could surprise him. He could see two areas cleared of weeds and plants in the shape of graves and assumed her husband was buried there, but he didn't know about the second, smaller one— _the child she lost?_

He saw her then sitting there by the fire, warming her feet with her back to him. _They are probably hurting her._ She didn't know he was there watching, but Vargr did. Vargr didn't growl or get protective around Belene; she knew who he was. But with her staring intently out into the woods had Belene curious. 

"What is it, girl? See a little treat to hunt? Well, go on then. No one is stopping you."

Vargr took off running and started licking Brynjolf's hand as he reached to pet her large soft head. He knelt as he stroked Vargr and watched her get up to put more wood on the fire. He hadn't the nerve yet to talk to her. He had missed her so much and just wanted to watch her for a while. 

She must have finally sensed someone watching her as she turned around to see his shape that she would know anywhere petting Vargr. Her stomach dropped in anger at Erik for giving away her location to realizing how much she missed him, but he couldn't be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Brynjolf strives to get Belene back.
> 
> I'm not really one of those "let's stalk the girl to get her back" kind of person. Brynjolf would never have gone after her had he not known for a fact, from Erik, that Belene shared the same feelings as he. I don't care for stories of stalking and the girl throws herself at the man because of his 'efforts.'


	30. Reconnecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene is faced with a mixture of emotions at seeing Brynjolf. She gives him quite an unexpected surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and kudos! Your support means everything!! <3

He looked at her, beautiful as always when she turned around to see him. Since he got caught, he walked towards her noticing there was something different about her. Around her stomach was a sling holding a sleeping baby with bright red hair. His stomach dropped while everything became crystal clear to him at that moment. She left because the truth was that she had been pregnant. It wasn't just fear of closeness as much as a fear he would turn her away had he known. She was probably afraid he would want nothing to do with her. 

If she had come to him in the Ratway pregnant, he might have done just that, at the time. He always said he never wanted to have children—the Ratway was no place for them. But that was before she left and before he saw the baby, knowing it was his. She ended up taking their child to the only place she felt safe, her old home. 

She swallowed hard as he approached her, feeling nervous and shaking, unsure of what his reaction would be. Would he be angry for not telling him or for leaving or for even having a child? _Why is he here, anyway? He doesn't seem the type to chase any woman, even me._

"What are you doing here, Bryn," was all she could say, her reaction a mixture of anger and fear, to longing. 

"I came to find you, clearly," he explained, getting straight to the point and not lying to her. He reached out a shaky hand to touch the child's red hair, but she moved back, protective. 

"Bryn, you can't be here stalking me like this," she said as he pulled his eyes away from the baby to look at her. Her hair was down, flowing freely without her standard braids and wearing a dress. So different than how she usually looked. More beautiful than before.

"Why can't I be here? I see now why you left. I didn't understand it for the longest time. I couldn't get you out of my mind. I was feeling more for you before you left, but after..." he shook his head, still not understanding it. 

"I _knew_ you were feeling more than you were letting on." 

"Come now, lass. You were as well, that's why in part you ran. You can't lay this all at my feet. Tell me now you don't want me or care for me, and I will leave." 

"I…" She couldn't finish her thought, torn between her internal struggles of fear of loss and wanting to be with him now that she's seen him again.

He looked down again at the baby, hands still shaking from nerves at seeing his child. "Can...can I hold the baby? It's ours, right?" 

"She's mine, Bryn." 

"The baby is a girl, then? I have to admit, I never wanted children, but you knew that already. Now that I have seen her, I...I don't know what I feel. It's this strong desire to hold her, but I'm so nervous. Will you let me hold her? You don't need to be protective of her. I would never hurt her." 

"Sorry, I...I have been protective because I never thought I could have children after trying for so long all those years ago to find you gave me the very thing I needed to love again. I was afraid she would die. I'm still afraid she will."

"I won't let anything happen to her." 

Belene nodded and pulled the infant out of her sling, delicately handed her to Brynjolf, who cradled the girl in his arm. She had pointed ears like her mother, but so small. Her skin was tan like a Bosmer with a tiny nose and pouty full lips. "She's... she's beautiful, Bel, so tiny. What's her name?"

"I named her Anja." 

"A Nord name?" he asked, surprised while holding the tiny hand in his. 

"Well, I don't know much about my people to give her a Bosmer name." 

Belene was getting antsy to have her baby back. "Can...can I have her back, please?" 

He wanted to hold the baby a bit longer, but he sensed Belene's distress. "Aye, here lass." He handed Anja back, still sleeping, as Belene held her up with the infant's head on her shoulder while swaying slightly back and forth. 

She watched him for a long time in his silence, not knowing what he felt if he looked angry, pleased, afraid. "Now that you have seen her, I guess you will be leaving then. Can't have babies in the Ratway." 

"I came here to find you not to bring you back. If you wanted to come back, you would have already. I'm not going to make you." 

"Well, you can stay the night since it's late, but then you should go on your way back to the Guild." 

"I quit the Guild, lass." 

That shocked her as the Guild was his entire life. He would never give up such a thing. 

"Horker shit," she spat out quietly to not wake Anja. She was suddenly angry and did not know why it made her feel as such. "The Guild is your life." 

"It was my life, lass. You are my life now."

She started to tear up with his words. "No! I...I can't!" 

"You can. I know you feel the same way." 

"Did Erik tell you that?! Traitor!" 

"He didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, lass. Do you think I wouldn't be able to tell that you were starting to feel the same way? I know you noticed I was as well." 

She looked away as her lips started to quiver. "Regardless, you wouldn't want me now with a child."

"I honestly surprise myself when I tell you I want you more than ever now that I see her. It's easy to brush off, saying one doesn't want children until they see one of their own. Seeing Anja has changed nothing, yet everything. I want you, Bel. I want to be with you, and Anja...to give you a home. If that means I work in a shop or farmer, then so be it, though I have enough coin saved to last us a long while." 

"And how long can you stay away from the Guild? What happens when those urges to scheme and steal grow too strong, stronger than how you feel for me? What then?"

"I'm already gone. I'm done...for good. I strangely feel at peace with my decision. I want you to trust me that I will not return. I cannot say urges won't happen, but they won't change my mind. I cannot promise you that it will always be easy for you or me. All that I can promise is that I won't ever leave you and will always take care of you and Anja." 

"You can't promise such a thing! No one can! My husband did, and he is in the grave! He left me!"

"Aye, but he didn't leave you on purpose because he didn't love you." 

She looked away, lip quivering and teared up with the truth of his words, but it still hurt. 

"You aren't exactly youthful anymore, Byrn, and I live a very long time. What then?" 

"Your husband wasn't youthful either according to what you told me, and that didn't stop you. Lass, you may live a long time, but you aren't immortal. You could die too, at any time." 

She thought about what he told her for a while. "Can I think about it? I need to think. I have too many uncertainties. I...I feel for you, care about you, but..." 

"You're afraid," he finished for her. "I am too. Take as long as you need to think about things. I won't beg you, but I hope you choose to stay with me. You should also know that I have a house waiting for us outside of Ivarstead in the woods if you would like to start over with me." 

That surprised her. Brynjolf was full of surprises tonight. "You bought a house?" 

"Aye, lass. I have quite a bit of coin saved from years working for the Guild and have barely spent any of it. I came here to be with you and make a life with you. We would need a house for that. I've come to realize I would do almost anything for you. The months you were gone was an awakening for me."

"You are just now realizing it? It had to take me to leave for you to do so?" She was still trying to be argumentative, not understanding why.

"I knew I felt deeply for you, but yes, I took for granted you would always be around. That was my fault. What if I told you how I felt? Would you have stayed? Would it have kept you with me?"

Her silence was answer enough. She wouldn't have stayed, pregnant or not, if he had expressed any feelings towards her. Expressions of care and love would have scared her off. 

She didn't know what to say to that. For Brynjolf to give up so much for her was a lot for her to take in. After some silence, thinking about what he was telling her, she finally spoke up. "I don't want you to give up your life for me. I never asked you to do that. It's one of the reasons I left. You are...were happy with the Guild."

"I have to admit that while I was growing very fond of you, I didn't realize how much until after you were gone. I thought I was happy with the Guild too, until you left. I was a miserable piece of shit while you were gone. I couldn't focus on work at all, and it brought me no joy. You brought that to me, not work. Look, lass, I have never been more honest than I am right now. Everything changed when I met you, even in the beginning." 

She was still quiet, taking in everything he was saying. 

"I'm not here to replace your husband, Bel. I'm not here to force you into marriage. I just want to be with you. But I have also given up a lot, and I'm not going to settle for you running every time things get hard and not try to make things work. If you decide to stay with me, I expect you to try hard as well. Committing will be hard for both of us." 

Giving in to feelings and opening up herself to love again would be a significant challenge. He was right; she tended to run when things got emotionally difficult. She knew deep down she couldn't do that forever. 

"So you think about things, lass. If you still feel like telling me to leave, I will, but I would prefer to leave here with you and Anja to our new home." 

He stood closer to her, cupped her head in his hands, and pulled her closer to him as he bent down and tenderly kissed her, which strangely made her weep more. He continued to hold her face and placed his forehead on hers as she closed her eyes and quietly wept. 

They finally headed into the house when Anja woke up crying and hungry. She wondered if Brynjolf was annoyed with the crying, thinking this would change his mind. She sat on the bed and pulled out her breast as she started to feed the baby. He just sat next to her, resting his chin on her shoulder and watched Anja eat, reaching out to hold her little hand as she instinctively grasped his finger. 

It surprised Belene. She expected the first sign of crying he would run off back to the Ratway. Instead, he sat down next to her and let the baby hold his finger, strangely at ease with her. 

When it was time for bed, she whistled Vargr off the bed so Brynjolf could sleep there. "It's OK, lass. It is your house. I will take the floor by the fire." She nodded as Vargr jumped back, happy to be back on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Poo...last chapter.


	31. A Home In You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belene decides if she will be with Brynjolf or not. Brynjolf is amazed with the baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so very much for reading my story! I appreciate all the comments, kudos, and support! It has meant the world to me and because of that I'm striving to bring better stories...better editing as well lol. Thank you again!!! <3

Brynjolf woke up early in the morning from a night of sleeping uncomfortably on the floor by the fire. He looked around the little house while stretching his sore back, hearing a few cracks in his spine, reminding him of his age. He used to be able to sleep anywhere in his youth, yet his body loved the comfort of his bed as he got older. 

He saw Belene had made the little house quite livable and charming with rugs, plants, and some pottery. Looking over in the bed, he could see her still sleeping with Vargr behind her and Anja in between Bel and a pillow wide awake. 

The baby could barely look around it was so young still and tried to kick a little with her legs. She was on her back and wasn’t strong enough to move around too much on her own. Brynjolf went to the bed to pick her up gently and quietly. Sitting down against the wall on the floor, he propped up his legs slightly and put her on his thighs so he could look at her, little feet kicking gently on his stomach. It was such a strange feeling holding a baby. It was even more bizarre to know she was his, but the feeling was surprisingly pleasant. She was so helpless and so beautiful.

She had managed to grasp his index fingers in both hands while she tried to focus her eyes on him, fingers stronger than they looked. She had the greenest eyes he had ever seen, like the color of leaves in the Spring. His eyes were green, but not that bright. Belene’s eyes must have looked like that before she lost her vision. They were so beautiful, and her hair was so vividly red. His was more of a muted red, but it dulled with age and may have been that red when he was younger, but he couldn’t remember.

It felt strange when he looked at her. It was hard to believe she was his. It was a peculiar feeling, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad one. He wiggled her hands back and forth, the only way to play with her gently, and then he saw it. She gave him a little toothless smile. It was the most beautiful thing he had seen, and it made him chuckle. His only experience with children was seeing the orphans in Riften running amok, causing trouble. He never realized how cute or sweet they could be. 

As he wiggled her hands, he started making silly faces at her and smiled to see if she would do it again for him. She didn’t disappoint, giving him big smiles, not realizing she was smiling on instinct, and then she started making these cooing noises.

_What a happy baby she is._

He lifted her and cradled her in his arm as he did last night just looking at her and lightly touched her little face with a finger, feeling how soft her skin was. He would help with something else while Belene was sleeping, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if he should change her or even how to do that. He knew Bel was breastfeeding her, so he certainly couldn’t do that. But Anja seemed quite content in his warm arm as she yawned and started to fall asleep again. 

Belene had not been asleep. She watched him from the moment he picked up Anja sensing her baby was gone. But she didn’t stop him to watch what he did. She was a bit nervous, though she knew he wouldn’t hurt her and was curious to see how he would react with the baby when he thought she wasn’t watching. She couldn’t see his silly faces or if he was smiling, but she heard a quiet laugh from him and Anja cooing. There were some hand movements, she saw, as if playing with the baby’s hands. It appeared he was quite taken with her as he cuddled her in his arm. 

“What does she look like, Bryn?” 

He looked up startled, a bit in shock that she had been watching. He was embarrassed with how he had been silly, feeling an unfamiliar blush creep up his face. He wasn’t exactly the silly type. But he soon realized she couldn’t have seen that anyway. 

He coughed away his embarrassment. “Aye, it would make sense you don’t know. I’m sorry, lass. Yes, well, honestly, she looked like a damned rainbow!” 

That gave Belene pause before she started laughing. “A rainbow?” 

“Aye, she’s the most colorful baby I have ever seen, not that I have seen too many babies, if any really. She looks like you with long ears, tan skin. Her lips are full and pouty with a tiny little nose. She has bright green eyes, probably like you used to have because they aren’t like mine. And, she has shockingly red hair,” he laughed. “Probably the only thing of mine she does have. She’s beautiful, like you.” 

She was grateful to have a sense of what her child looked like. “Thank you for that, Bryn.” After a thought, “Thank you for her too.” 

“Well, I would say you’re welcome, but I clearly didn’t know about her nor intended her.” 

“But you gave her to me nonetheless.”

She got up and went to sit next to him on the floor, wishing she could see her baby. She frequently touched her face to feel where everything was. Then Bryn gave her a description, which made it easier to visualize what she looked like. 

As she sat next to him, she put her head on his shoulder while she reached out to hold one of Anja’s hands. She shivered from sitting on the cold floor, so Brynjolf wrapped an arm around her to warm her up. It reminded her of Helvar, both had insanely warm Nordic bodies, but the two couldn’t have been more different. 

“Bryn?” 

“Aye, lass?” 

“OK...I will try.”

“And, I will too,” he said, kissing her head. 

“It’s not going to be easy.” 

“I know it won’t, lass. You and I are very stubborn sometimes, but I think we have more in common than you think. I know there will be times you compare me to him, and I don’t match up. I get it. As I said, I’m not trying to replace him. I just want to be with you. But I won’t settle either. This is a big change for me too, and I’m a bit nervous about it all. Regardless, I know I want to be with you and Anja.” 

********** 

The new home was larger than her old one, but it wasn’t huge. The upstairs only held their bedroom, which made it easier for Belene. It took a little while to navigate the house and tried to orient herself around her environment. But since she had years of practice, it didn’t take too long. 

Brynjolf had a cradle made for Anja. It took a long time for Belene to let go of her baby and let her sleep alone, so Anja would sleep between them for a while in their bed. She was always afraid something was going to happen to her, that she would lose her child. It would take Belene quite a while to get over her fears of losing someone she loved. 

So far, things were going well for Brynjolf. He had urges to go back to the Guild, but he didn’t realize how stressed he was all the time until he left. It was hard sometimes because it was almost part of his entire life, but he was surprisingly enjoying his new one. 

After a few months and they were settled in the house, Erik came to visit them to see how they were doing. 

“Oh, ho! So _this_ is what you’ve been hiding all this time! Shor’s Beard, Bel! A baby?!” He lifted Anja making silly faces at her as she smiled and kicked out with her legs, squealing. “Yes, aren’t you a cutie! Can you say ‘Uncle Erik?’” he said in his best baby voice. 

“How are you and Vex,” she asked. 

“Well, I’m still here and alive! Though she does like to abuse me so, I can take it! She’ll never marry me, though as I’ve probably asked her about 20 times...21st time’s the charm, right?! Oh, who am I kidding? Love her, though.” 

“As long as you’re happy, Erik,” she said. 

“I am! Damn, Brynjolf, no one is going to believe this back at the Guild. You, shacking up and with a baby! They are going to start thinking I killed you and hid the body before they believe you had a baby.”

“If you say anything, I may have to kill you myself...”

“Ha! You would never! You _love_ me!” 

Erik suddenly looked like he was pouting. “Well, I better get back. I feel for you now, Bryn, keeping all the ruffians in line...what a damned chore!” 

“Better you than me.” 

********** 

That night, Belene was standing and rocking Anja to sleep in her arms when Brynjolf came up behind her and kissed her shoulder. She put the baby in her cradle and watched over her, rocking it. 

“Do you think you can leave her for a bit?” he whispered as he started to nibble her neck and ear, knowing what she liked.

“Mmmmmmm, maybe for a minute,” she said quietly, leaning her head to accept his nibbles.

“Lass, I can work fast, though I don’t think that fast,” he chuckled and continued to nibble and lick her long ear feeling it twitching, knowing she was enjoying the attention. Then he ran his hands up inside her shift, rubbing his hands on her soft yet scarred skin and working his way up to her breasts. 

He had wanted her intimately, but the baby was always in their bed, so it hadn’t happened. They hadn’t been together since before she left the Guild, just over a year. 

He slipped a hand around in between her legs. “Oh my...mmmm, you’re evil…,” she moaned. 

“Is that a yes?” he chuckled in her ear. 

“OK, give me a minute.” 

When she got into bed, he was already naked on top of the covers, as she felt around for him. “My! Well, aren’t we eager,” she laughed, noticing he was already hard and waiting. 

“Well, it _has_ been a while, lass. Just thinking of you does this to me.” 

“Really? So, I won’t have to do anything other than stand here, and you’re good? OK, then!” She stood up and stripped of her shift and just stood there on display. 

“You’re an evil little temptress, aren’t you,” he laughed as he pulled her back into bed. 

As soon as she got into bed, Vargr jumped in expecting to snuggle, causing just made them laugh out.

“No, Vargr, out! Later, girl.” 

He pulled her in close and kissed her deeply, then pulled away, looking at her and tucked some hair behind her ear. He ran a delicate hand down her face and moved a finger to touch her lips and kissed her again. He knew she couldn’t see him, but he stared at her in all seriousness. “I love you, Bel,” he whispered. 

She couldn’t deny her feelings anymore. She finally pushed back her fears and doubts. “I love you too, Bryn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye Bel and Bryn!


End file.
